Leggo my Ego

In high school my go-to chocolate bar was Twix. I never grew tired of the chocolate-caramel-cookie combo, but my love stretched far beyond the superficial. It was more about the challenge. How much chocolate and caramel could I scrape off the cookie using only my bottom teeth? On a great day–all of it. Medium day–a few caramel smears. Bad day–chocolate skid marks.

This is how I stayed occupied while my mom ran boring errands. Now it’s a metaphor for how I process rejection.

Rejection comes in many forms. A broken heart, not making the team, not being invited, not getting that scholarship, not getting into your dream college, not getting the job, not getting that book deal, not getting in the club, losing the starring role, waking up to the word REJECT written across your forehead…

Rejection is gutting. It makes us feel inadequate. But that feeling will fade faster than Sharpie ink if you give them the Lisi Harrison Twix Treatment.

twix

TWIX TREATMENT: CODE

Chocolate = Your own damn fault.

Caramel = Ego.

Cookie = The bottom line.

I have Selena and Justin’s break-up on the brain so let’s start with getting the ol’ heart broken.

1. The first layer you need to scrape away is the chocolate. So ask yourself: How much of this break up is my own damn fault? Try to come up with at least three honest answers. Were you clingy? Jealous? Critical? Flirty with others? Bossy? Obsessed? Distant? Mean? Sneaky? Snoopy? Knowing I had something to do with my rejection makes me feel better. Not only do I learn from my mistakes, but I don’t feel like the victim of a random act of violence.

If you got fired ask yourself: Did you give it your best shot? Were you always on time? Did you get along with your co-workers? Were you trying to improve or did you get lazy?

More often than not we play a part in our own rejections. Yes, sometimes bad things happen for no reason. I’ll get to that in a minute. For now keep scraping…

2. Time for the caramel layer–our egos. Hidden just below the surface our egos have a sneaky way of taking over. Their job is to make us think we–and our current problems–are the only things that matter. And they are wrong. We must scrape them away by asking ourselves: how much of my sadness is related to the actual issue and how much is related to not wanting to be rejected?

Do I really think this person is the best partner for me? Did we really have fun when we hung out together? Did they make me feel comfortable and at ease or was I always trying to impress them? Did they make me a better version of me or did they reduce me to an insecure mess? Am I upset because I will miss him or because he chose someone else and now I feel like a hideous loser?

Now work. Was this job really making me happy? Am I bummed because I was rejected or because I won’t get to do ____ for 40 hours a week? Am I upset because I am ashamed of being fired or because no one loved that job more than I did?

Any time I can admit my sadness is a result of a bruised ego v.s. losing something I truly loved, I heal faster.

3. The cookie is the bottom line. It’s bare and hard. It’s truth. It’s the part of rejection that is real. The part that says, I know you gave it your all, but someone else was better. Sh!% happens. We can’t rationalize it. All we can do is swallow it.

Or …

* Make a list of five good things that will come of this rejection. Then start referring to it as an opportunity.

*Oprah magazine once published an article about making tough decisions and getting over loss. The trick is to ask yourself how this will impact you ten minutes from now. Then ten days from now. Then ten months. Then ten years. It really helps put things into perspective.

*Binge on Twix bars until you get so sick you forget about your sadness.

I hope this helps. Next week I will be answering ten questions you asked me in the comments section. Try to make them interesting. Nothing about the Clique movie. There’s only one. It’s a bummer, I know. Talk about rejection.

Moving on…

TTYW,

Lisi

“Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

Comments

  1. Loved the blah-g post Lisi!

  2. Wow. This really puts things to perspective for me Lisi. I should keep this in mind for any kind of rejection.

  3. Great advice! Rejection sucks. But Twix bars do not.

    Last year someone asked me a question I really liked. The question–and my immediate answer–have stayed with me. So, Lisi, what is your favorite thing about humanity?

  4. Nice post. I feel like I’m the master of rejection because it’s ALL I get. Never acceptance. Rejected by guys, the soccer team, the dance team, the first string basketball team, the volleyball team, the track team, tons of agents, student council, all the good scholarships, the good colleges, contests, lit. mags, more contests, more agents… You name it, I’ve been rejected by it. I never make any teams, get chosen for any clubs, or am ever anyone’s first choice in friends. And I am Forever Alone in flesh and bone. Guys never want me.

    But I’m the kind of person who just gets over things quickly. Some things still bother me and I’ll forever be scarred by them, but, for as much failing as I do, I’ve grown used to just picking myself up and moving on. Sure, I have next to no confidence, but at least I don’t dwell on things.

    Also, I can sum up all the questions you’ll get asked (Don’t really count these)
    1) Will you write more Clique books?
    2) Will you write more Monster High books?
    3) Will you write more Alpha books?

    It’ll basically be those three because people obviously have a hard time getting over something that has CLEARLY ended.

    LLAP,
    Arianna

    • Don’t worry about rejection, it makes you stronger! Just power through- don’t worry. Someone will come around. Sometimes, the best love waits.
      I am only 13, but very wise! Haha, not really.

    • Arianna-
      do you still had your blog? I really enjoyed it but lost the link:/ Can you put the link on here is so? thanks

      xox
      kat

    • Arianna I think you’re too hard on yourself. You are pretty, I just read your blog and saw your picture. You always say you’re ugly, but I wish I looked like you. I love reading your blog because I love your way of writing. It’s amazing. I think you should give yourself a chance. And thumbs up for looking like a unicorn in the picture πŸ™‚

      xox
      Kathy

  5. Hey to all you random high school seniors cruzing on Lisi’s blog her eis an essaay writing scolparship for college which the grand prize winner gets 5 thousanf dollars yall should join
    http://dailyfig.figment.com/2013/02/06/out-of-the-easy-scholarship-essay-contest/

  6. I really enjoyed read this blah-g this week Lisi πŸ™‚ And yes rejection is awful 😦

  7. Hey Ms. Lisi!! My question is, why do the Monster high dolls aim towards little kids , when the books the characters come from are more for young adults?

  8. writereader1223 says:

    You are the master of this so I figured I’d ask you. It’s been gnawing at my mind.

    HOW DO YOU MAKE AN UNLIKEABLE CHARACTER LIKEABLE???

    My story got some serious rejection. This is something I need to work on. Please help!

  9. Hi Lisi! I work at my local library and yesterday as I was shelving the Clique books, it reminded me how much the series propelled me through middle school and allowed me to laugh at the situation. So, first off: THANK YOU for making middle school infinitely better (and true- it must be a rite of passage for seventh graders to be dumped in the woods on a school trip and forced to stumble around until they come across an exit).
    My question: When you write, do you find that your characters are a direct image of you or something you want to be/ considered becoming? How has your life or experiences impacted the Dirty Book Club and Pretenders in terms of character?

  10. Thanks Lisi, this is pretty relevant! Recently, I did not get a job at Target. It was a pretty long process of writing my application, waiting for a response, doing a test, waiting for a response, having an hour long job interview, waiting for a response = did not get the job. It took some time for me to work up the courage to apply other places, but I have applied to four more places since then. Luckily, my friend put in a good word for me at one of the stores, so maybe I will have a better chance there! So my question(s) for you is: What was your first job? Was that the first place you applied to?

    (Btw, this is the same Syd that has been commenting for awhile, I just unlinked that gravatar website)

  11. Apparently I did not unlink it, haha

  12. What was one time when you did the twix treatment?

  13. I have a few questions for you:

    1. If you had to be a Clique character, who?
    2. How do you respond to hate?
    3. I bring around a writing inspiration notebook. It’s blank. What should I write in it when it comes to characters….plots…descriptions…etc…etc…

    Thank you for reading Lisi!!!
    PS: I sent you a letter. I hope you get it soon!!!!

  14. I have a very very good question….. Well to me it is…… You and your books are so diffrent i mean u seemall fun and carefree but your books areso serious! How do you make that all work out

  15. Umm okay i had a few more things to ask haha……

    Do you always try to read your fanmail?
    Are you working on a new book or somthing?
    Hows plain life in general??
    And here us the weird one
    Do u like unicorns πŸ™‚ sorry im very weird

  16. I love this lisi. So creative😊 also guys the questions are supposed to be about rejection not about her books. Here’s my question: are all boys pig headed and mean and perverted or is that just high school boys? And if so when do they finally mature? Anyways, love ya πŸ’œ

  17. haha ah-mazing you crack me up

  18. Hey Lisi. I’m a college student who is pretty introverted, so this has led me to not meet as many people or be adventurous as I’d like to be. So I guess my question is.. how can I make the most out of college without forcing myself to be extremely outgoing? Is this possible?

    Thanks!!

    • One word: saying “Hi!” Yeah you might be rejected, but 99.9 percent of the time you won’t be. I am naturally outgoing, so take it from me. I’m also in college. πŸ™‚
      Find one person in your favorite class that you’re dying to know. Just say “Hi!” (I sound like I’m on an anti-drug campaign with Nancy Reagan). Usually that person will smile back and say hi too! Oh yeah, don’t forget the smile. That is key. Shows you’re a friendly person.

      Let me know how that works. πŸ™‚

  19. Question #1: Are you psychic?*

    Because..whoa this heaven sent blog post came at the exact low point in my life that I needed it :O Taking a break from my mega-anxiety attack and gross sobbing to read this might’ve been one of the best things I’ve ever done (paired with the eating of a shameful amount of twix bars that ensued). I don’t usually comment, but I just wanted to really thank Lisi for this amazing post and saving me from doing stuff I would’ve regretted after..<3

    My questions for reals would be:

    -Was it any different writing in the POVs of male characters for The Pretenders than it was writing for gals (of both that and past series)?
    -Was it hard writing in 1st person and balancing all the characters different voices and personalities? (Not that I would expect it to be with your talent XD ;D)
    -Alphas has, like, some of the best imaginary technology that actual inventors should take note of. If you could lug one thing from Alpha Island home, what would it be?

  20. I love you, Lisi β™₯ Or should I say, oh wise one? Anyone who can pull a metaphor out of chocolate and make it a life lesson is amazing. I send you virtual hugs and, of course, chocolates (:

    QUESTIONS.
    … actually, I don’t think I have any o.O Hm.

  21. Totally love this post! Good advice~
    So for my question, I don’t know, I’m just curious and it was all I could think of… *Who do you think you were in your past life?*

  22. You truly are such an amazing person to love your fans so much that you write to them every week and help them so much! THANK YOU LISIIIII

    So here’s my question:
    As an author you spend your whole day, surrounded by words, If you could put 1 new word into the dictionary, what would it be and what would it mean?

  23. hey lisi I have a question for you…
    As the writer of Monster High which monster high girl do you feel you are most like and which you are LEAST like?
    I’m a huge Clawdeen fan XD

  24. Hi Lisi!!

    This is my 1st comment on your blah-g, but I read it every week. First off, I love your books. They are so amazing. You are my favorite author of all times. Your characters are so relatable. I can really tell who the Massies and Vanessas are at my school.
    Secondly, I love your blah-g. You always have such amazing things to say, and your tricks and tips always work. You give the best advice πŸ™‚
    Thirdly, here are my questions. They have to do with boy troubles, and I guess being rejected too. I have a few questions. 1) My friend asked a boy out. He’s really sweet and cute and funny, but he shot her down. She’s had a crush on him fot such a long time, and just can’t get over him. I’ve been trying to help her get over him, but I just can’t. Any advice?
    2) About the same guy, I think I might be getting a crush on him. We have a lot in commun, and today we found something more. We had an awesome geek moment (does anyone else watch Doctor Who?). I know he wouldn’t go out with me because he said that he wouldn’t go out with any girl right now. Plus that would be so mean to my friend… I don’t know what I’m really asking you, but any advice? I don’t quite have a crush on him, but I might be getting one.
    3) Lastly, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. We were the worst couple imaginable. We never spent any time together or spoke to eachother or anything. He was always talking to other girls and calling them pretty when I was around. But I need advice for relationships not to get awkward. Just like some topics to talk to for when there is a silence. It would be a great help!!

    Thanks a lot Lisi, I love what you do! If you can’t answer all of these on the blah-g, please e-mail the answers to clmh2000@yahoo.com . Thanks for your help! Also, thanks to anyone who bothered to read this whole thing. It’s really nice you took time out of your day to read about my problems πŸ™‚

    i luv u lisi,
    Kathy

    • I’ve only seen Doctor Who once- The Girl Who Waited. It was good and I wanted to watch more, but I forgot. πŸ™‚

    • I love Doctor Who! And yeah me and the guy I liked geeked out over it 2gether too. My favorite companion is Rose, ships are Doctor/Rose and Rory/Amy and my favorite friendship is Doctor/Donna. But my least favorite character is River and I can’t stand Steven Moffat to save my life.

      • I love the first four seasons SO MUCH though. RTD>Moffat anyday. But I do like Eleven though.

      • I really like Amy. The other day I took a quiz to see which Doctor Who character I’d be and I would be Amy. I’m watching season 6 now. Who is your favorite actor who plays the Doctor? I like Matt Smith.

    • My favorite Doctor will always be David Tennant πŸ™‚ But I like Chris Eccleston and Matt Smith too.

      • And did you know Moffat called the actress who plays Amy “wee and dumpy.” How rude!

  25. This is the greatest advice i’ve heard in a long time Thanks Lisi!

  26. first of all, thanks lisi for the birthday wish! It truly made my day! I couldn’t believe it when i first saw it! You are such an amazing person!!!! The Clique books are super awesome and i always read over and over again. The Alphas are really great too and i wish i could live on an island like that! It would be awesome! monster high was super good and it is one of my favorite books! Thanks for being such an an amazing role model to me!(but im not a stalker :)) I wonder if you could give some tips on how to be come a better writer! I am pretty good at writing but i am not amazing (like you). My question is Will you ever make anymore clique books??? (because they were my favorite series that you wrote) I always look forward to reading your blog every week and it always makes my day better! THANKS LISI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❀
    luv asha!!!!!!!! ❀ ❀ ❀

  27. Lisi, this advice was ah-mazing–simple and profound at the same time. How do you do it? You give the best advice.

  28. OMG! When I was in 2nd grade I would always eat my friend’s twix and would first scrape off any bit of choclate, the the carmel, then the cookie. I knew that the cookie had holes in it, but no one else believed me.
    I’m always commenting and over time there is usually 20 or so comments but now there is 27. Woah!
    My question/comment is:
    There won’t be any more Clique books, people. I would love there to be, but it ended. I sometimes go on http://xomb.wordpress.com/ (which is like Clique books continued) but it cannot go on. Same with the Alpha and Monster High books. Ah-mazing, yes. But it was a ending, and that’s it. You can’t really add on- it is like the Jaws 2 and forward. I never like scary movies (I hate them sooo much) but these stunk and the first one was kinda good, but boring.
    OK, real question time. What do you think of make-up for 13 year-olds? I read this book, Kiss and Make-Up (IT WAS AH-MAZING– READ IT!!!) and it kinda said that make-up was only adding your beauty, but I’m afraid people will think I’m a fake like these annoying girls in my grade who make-out with boys and let them put their hands down their shirt. Yuck! I only wear a tiny bit of mascara, but I need to know your (and others) advice.
    Julia! πŸ˜€
    P.S. Sorry for the “tough-luck” kinda thing at the beginning. But, as sad as it is, it’s true. πŸ™‚

    • I’m 15 and I don’t wear much makeup. I just wear some tinted lip balm and some foundation. And I don’t put on mascara most of the time. And girls in your grade really do that? *facepalm*

      • Yeah. And like pounds of eyeliner. I used to love lip gloss, but now I just wear chapstick.

  29. Hi, Lisi!

    Suppose you woke up and inexplicably found yourself in Wonderland from Lewis Carroll’s book. What would you do? Is there anyone you’d like to meet? How would you feel at the absurdness of it all?

  30. My question for you Lisi: When will you write about unpopular characters?

  31. Are you the real lisa harrison?

  32. Lisi, I really love your blah-gs lately. I’ve always loved them–I think I’ve been reading this since high school and I’m a senior in college now, but they’ve been really helpful and real recently which has been awesome. Here are my questions:
    1) How did you and your life-crush (aka hubby) Kevy meet and fall in love?
    2) Is it better to have everyone know everything about you or have no one know nothing about you?
    3) How did you know that you wanted to be a writer and what inspired you to take the risk and start writing and seeing if you could get published?
    Thanks! I love how you are such an awesome role model πŸ™‚

  33. totally agerre.

  34. I totally ah-gree! Your so inspiring and you know just what to say !

  35. Hey Lisi!

    I enjoyed reading this blah-g post a lot. The Twix idea of getting answers to rejection is really awesome. I`m going to keep that in mind and try it out sometime. Good stuff, Lisi!
    ΒΈ
    Questions I would like you to answer:

    1) What is one thing that high school has taught you that you are still applying to your life today?

    2) Which character from any novel that you’ve read (other than your own, of course) are you most like? Why? (Background info on character would be great too!)

    I would love to see a blah-g post on controlling parents (especially moms) and how they are deciding the future and current actions and plans of their teenage daughters (i.e., friends, school, boyfriend, college, time management, etc.). I feel like a lot of girls could relate to this topic and it is an issue (or maybe not) that is quite common

  36. Question: Do you think you have it in you to write in a different genre?

  37. Nice post Lisi! Those are some great ways to get over rejection! I’m always a bit too afraid to try, because I’m not to fond of rejection, but this helps!
    Questions:
    1) What advice can you give to young writers who keep getting told that their work is inferior that of an adults? (It was an article I read a while back, and it seriously made me want to stop writing.)
    2) Tips on seperating yourself from screens and focus on writing? (As in: phones, TV, computers, tablets, etc.)
    4) How to avoid cliches, sterotypes, and overused plots in your writing?

  38. Yup. Rejection, I know thee.
    I like politics. So I’m used to being rejected by people who don’t share my views. Don’t worry, I still love them! In politics you have to have a tough skin. I’m working on that.

    Thanks Lisi for your posts. Heart you! ❀

  39. Can I ask for advice, Lisi? What do you do when your two best friends talk about stuff they know they never told you right in front of you, leaving you completely out of the conversation? How do you fight that loneliness and exclusion? I always feel left out. They’re pretty so they always have boyfriends or guys asking them out and giving them attention, while I get no attention of any kind. I always feel so left out, and ugly around them…

  40. And for those of you who asked, here’s my blog: http://thetexastrekkie2.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-outside.html My newest post is kinda depressing but if you go back I have a few fun ones. The next will be fun. I just really needed to vent with this one.

  41. Lisi,
    Great post, as always, and I’m oh-so-glad you’re going to be answering questions (even though it’s very likely mine won’t be answered, I’ll ask anyway).
    See, this is more of a personal advice question. Lately, I’m becoming increasingly insecure with myself, especially in terms of my body. I guess I’m finally plunging into the world of a typical sixteen year old girl. When I watch movies, or TV series, I find myself wondering how the female leads have such perfect bodies, when I don’t. Then I start to think I’m fat. I know technically, by normal standards, I’m not, because I’m around 52 kg’s, at 5’7, but I’m starting to feel like I am more and more frequently. What bothers me most is how my stomach isn’t flat. I guess it’s nearly flat, on a good day, but it doesn’t have that concave jut to it that normal teen girls all seem to possess, and thoughts of considering bulimia or anorexia are usually plaguing my thoughts nowadays. So, my question is, have you ever felt this way? If so, how did you finally become happy with yourself? And do you have any advice for how I should accomplish this in a healthier way?
    My questions are sooo shallow compared to the others’, but I’d be grateful if you answered.
    xox, love, Maya

    • I did, once. I vented about it to my friends, but one day, I just stopped. I stopped thinking how fat I am or how other girls look so good. I started exercising more and eating more healthy. You have probably heard thus, but there are studies shown that exercising regularly helps with school, skin, and your overall mood. I then felt just happier. I really don’t care what people think of me, I just go the opposite way of the flow. I like to stand out and speak loud in a way that is natural, not be annoying and attention starved like some others. Just chew more gum when you go into the fridge but aren’t hungery. I suggest sugar free gum, just so you aren’t rotting your teeth.
      Plus, girls on TV have personal trainers and a diet where they really cannot each much. So don’t worry- they aren’t made like that.
      Aren’t I wise for 12? πŸ˜‰

  42. Hailey M. says:

    Hey Lisi,
    I guess I can say that my whole life, I’ve kinda been a wallflower. The one that’s always really shy and doesn’t really have anyone to talk to or dance with at parties… you know the kind. Recently I made a huge mistake that earned me an instant rejection. I can honestly say that it was my “own damn fault.” I’ve tried to explain things to people, believe me I tried, but nothing seems to be working. And so, that leads me to my question. How can I patch up all the holes and repair all the destruction in my life that has been caused by me, myself, and I?
    ~ Hailey M.

  43. What’s up everyone, it’s my first pay a visit at this website, and paragraph is in fact fruitful
    in support of me, keep upp posting these types of content.

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