They don’t call me EhMaFraud for nothing.

If I had a degree in psychology I’d change the name of this ragtag advice column from EhMaFraud to EhMaFREUD. But until then the FRAUD is there because my only teacher thus far is life. And while my experience with boys, friends, parents, careers, writing, and wardrobes can be of service to you, there are some areas that I am not fully equipped to handle. Here are two examples from two ultra brave girls:

Hi Lisi!!

I know a girl that isn’t feeling very good about her self right now. She feels fat, ugly, worthless… She’s considered suicide. I’ve been trying to deter her from suicide, and so far I like to think I’ve been helping. I sent her 2 of your blah-g posts. The Faking Amazing one and There’s no I in Esteem. She confessed to me today she was going to start skipping lunches to loose weight, because it was the only meal she could skip without her parents knowing. I don’t know what to tell her, I don’t know how to help her. I can’t force her to eat because I never see her and even if I tried to I know she won’t. I asked her to at least eat a little bit, and loosing weight isn’t simply not eating. So I thought if one person can help, or at least give all the advice she can, it would be you.

Lisi please help, I don’t know what to do anymore!!

Also, if the girl I wrote this about reads this comment, I’m deeply sorry I posted it here. I just really think you need help, and no one offers better help than Lisi. Sorry.

Thanks Lisi,
Kathy

Kathy, you sound like an incredible friend and person. This girl is blessed to have you looking out for her. She might be too consumed with her own issues to know that now, but she will figure it out eventually. That said, there is only so much you, or I, can do to help her. I suggest you tell your parents what is going on and ask them to approach her parents. If they aren’t aware of their daughter’s situation, they need to be. And if they are aware, perhaps it’s time they got outside help. If this doesn’t seem like a good option, tell the school nurse or student adviser. Don’t tell other students because this will quickly become gossip and you don’t want to embarrass your friend.

Keep in mind she might resent you for “telling” on her and you need to be prepared for this. Sometimes people who are going through something difficult lash out at the people trying to help them because they’re scared and might feel ambushed or judged. Don’t take it personally. You are a fantastic friend–take that personally.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

 

hi!
its me, Sylvia, again. I know this is going to be a bit off topic, but I really need help.
There is this girl (lets call her Roxanne) and she is in my grade. I idolize her. Roxanne is pretty, smart, athletic, fast, cool and witty. She has lots of friends and knows a lot of other people.I know i yak off about this girl in my comments and I’m really sorry if its really annoying, but I’m just feeling so alone. My ‘best friend’ seems to be drifting away from me. In fact, EVERYONE is drifting away from me, even if they are not my friends, and believe me, I don’t feel as if I have friends anymore. real ones, to be exact. I spend my lunch hour hiding in the girls bathroom, reading, because i’m too afraid to go outside. Its not like I’m bullied or anything. Its that I’m ignored and looked down upon. I get cold looks and dull faces whenever I’m around. its been my daily routine to start the morning crying, spend my break times in the bathroom crying, and end the day in tears. I know it sounds pointless, but it really hurts to me, because all the girls in my grade are friends, and i’m that awkward loser standing outside their tight cluster, trying to win a spot to get in. I’m always the first one to send emails and smile at people, or start conversations, but I’m turned down faster than i can blink. it makes me feel awkward, annoying and unwanted, because when I send emails, I never get replies (or I get emails back about them asking me why i’m such a sap.). When i smile at someone, I get a cold, blank look back. When I try to talk to people, i’m easily ignored and shut out. now, if i really have to go outside, i have to run around trying to find the girls that used to be my friends, so i won’t stand around like a loser. i know i sound really selfish, but i really do try to make friends, or start our relationship again. everyday. Every single stinking second, I’m trying to smile and laugh and act witty. Just so I can get someone to look at me. My greatest achievement nowadays is when someone smiles at me. I feel like i’m walking on clouds. but now, no one waves when i wave at them, or they blame me for some stupid idea i never made up. It’s like I don’t exist to them! it gets to the point when i’m sobbing like a baby in the bathrooms. i don’t even want to live anymore. I know it sounds pointless or boring, but i’ve spent two years trying to make friends. I am absolutely desperate.
Sylvia

Sylvia,

My heart goes out to you. You sound incredibly lonely and confused. I would be too if I was doing the best I could and wasn’t getting the results I expected. I wish I could spend time at your school so I could see the dynamic between you and these girls. Maybe then I’d be able to understand what’s happening here. Since I can’t, I think you should speak to someone who might be able to take a closer look at your approach and/or the girls you are dealing with. Perhaps a student adviser or a therapist.

I love therapy. I’ve been going off and on for decades. There isn’t a shrink’s couch in NY or Laguna Beach that isn’t holding some of my loose change behind its cushions. There is nothing better than getting an outside person’s perspective. Someone who won’t judge you, gossip about you, or jump to conclusions. They will help you get to the bottom of these issues and set you on a more positive path. In the meantime, keep in mind that school is just one small part of your long life. It feels like everything now. I get that. But it’s not. We live in a big diverse world. If you don’t find your groove in school you will find it later. I promise. So focus on getting great grades for now. That way you can go to any college you want, instead of kissing the girls’ butts, you’ll be kissing them goodbye in no time.

Keep me posted.

Stay brave girls!!!

TTYW,

Lisi

Comments

  1. Just like always you give awesome advice to us! Even though none of these type of issues effect me right now I still want to thank you so much for being an awesome advice giving, and inspiring person to us fans Lisi! 🙂

  2. Oh everyone guess what? My cousins husband has been in Afghanistan for about a year now and going to be coming home very soon! ( I don’t want to put the date but it is close) I am so excited to see him! We have made posters for him and we are going to color their driveway with chalk and stuff. It is going to be a fun day! 🙂

  3. Good luck to Kathy, Kathy’s friend and Sylvia! 🙂

  4. I have been commenting so much lately for some reason, either way I just want to say I made a group pinterest board on my account for us fans of Lisi so if you want to join and be a person who can add pins to it then you could just follow it (it will be at the very bottom of my profile) by clicking my name on here and comment on here that you want to join or you could just post your url name or something. whatever works for you! 🙂 if you want to know what the board is about then you could see on the last blah-g post comment section where I put a few ideas of what this pinterest board could be for. I hope yall join!

  5. Lisi, I’m not feeling well and be because of that my friends don’t want to play with me!:( What should i do??? Rebecca S.

    Add some color 2 your life with Skittles:)

  6. Hey Lisi!
    I just wanted to say that you are sooo much of an inspiration, and that you are so NAWT a fraud. I was really interested my your love of “shrinks”, because most people just despise going to them. If people go to the social therapist-I think that’s what she’s called-at our school, they are just looked down upon. If others know you do, it makes you a LWBR (a loser WAY beyond repair). Sometimes, I just don’t know why. And it kinda frustrates me. I mean, I don’t go to one, but if I ever do consider, I just turn it down as not an option.

    Kathy, you sound like a GREAT person, and I would love to have you as my friend. I can’t believe you have remained so strong for so long. What you’re doing is great, and I hope your friend can really go on and find out how wonderful she truly is.

    Slyvia, I’m sooo sorry for what is happening to you. But, I don’t mean to sound rude, but crying doesn’t make anything better. Trust me. When ever I’m really mad, sad, and upset, and I cry, I just feel 10 times worse about myself, and I don’t know why. I just guess crying is another thing that doesn’t help yourself esteem. When you cry, its just like you are hitting rock bottom (even though its not). But if you stop yourself from falling just an inch deeper, it helps you rise a yard.
    I know this isn’t close to as bad as a situation as you are in, but I’m going through something a tad bit similar at my school. In elementary, there were the popular girls (who weren’t and aren’t really popular, and most kids actually despise them because they are mean times 10, and they don’t exactly “lead” anyone and the kissed, yes, in elementary, but that’s another story) and everyone else. I guess you could say me and my friends were the “alpha” group, and I was the alpha. Sure, there were other mini groups within “everyone else”, but they were interchangeable and I was friends with everyone, knew everyone’s first and last name and what class they were in, and was liked.
    Then when I got to middle school, those teeny tiny groups in everyone else got really strong, and suddenly we were all cliquey. At first, that was fine with me, but some of my friends had gone off into different groups. But my best, best friend hadn’t, and some other ones too. Then, I decided that I wanted to be an author. Seriously, that’s my life long goal. I’ve never had a job I wanted to have when I grow up so much, and I know it’s actually possible. Anyways, everything kinda seemed to go downhill. I’m not sure if the two events are connected, but they possible are. Everyone texts, hangs outside of school, or during there extracurriculars. I felt left out. Suddenly, when I asked to sit at one table, they said no. I was like you Sylvia, on the outside trying to get in. I mean, I have friends, but I’m not where I used to be. Everyone has a place, and I don’t. The worst part is, I my best, best friend is, my best friend has started to move on. We’ve been friends since kindergarten, but you know, we’re just not the same, and I’m fine with that. I don’t like going out to recess anymore, and I just read. I mean, know one is mean to me, but like the unexceptance is hanging in the air. I mean, I have friends, but I’m not really close with them. And I’m not sure what to do. I’m not in any bad case, but everyone is just so different. I’ve considered changing schools, to where maybe academics are more of a focus, so there might be kids like me. I am a gifted, and it both L.A. and Math honors. Almost everyone is obsessed with boys, if you know what I mean, while I guess I’m just not (plus my parents don’t approve). I’m on my own boyfast. But I am really good FRIENDS with this one guy. But you know, I just feel like I’m on the outside wanting in. And there’s nothing I can do.

    Sylvia, I hope this gives you consolation that you’re not alone. If I had never been that super likable girl, I have NO IDEA what could have happened to me. Just remember that there are a lot of girls out their just like you, and some people who are in worse situations. Things will get better, I promise. I was in a very similar situation in 2nd grade. I was at the top in 1st, then down at the bottom at 2nd, then I moved my way on top. And if this has happened because of change, you just need to let go of the past and except the situation, or new school you are in.

    Oh, and most importantly, BE YOURSELF. Even if hurts you, like it kind of did for me, it feels A LOT better than being someone else. As Anastasia Brees, the climb to the top feels a lot better if you haven’t stepped on anyone on your way to the top. And that anyone could be yourself.

    Thank you Lisi, Kathy, and Sylvia for taking the time to read this. Kathy and Sylvia, I hope this helped you!

    • Thank you, you’re so sweet!! Thanks for writing such a LONG comment!! It’s really nice of you 🙂 Thank you so much!

      Kathy

  7. P.S. Sorry for the super long comment!

  8. Kathy,
    A very close family member of mine has anorexia, so if you want to talk to me about your friend I’d be happy to offer advice. I know what your friend is going through. If you want me to talk with your friend too, it would be my pleasure. Let me know if you’d like that by leaving another comment. We could connect through email, Facebook, etc. if you want. In the mean time, remind your friend eating disorders are not something she can choose or control. She may start simply skipping lunch, but before she knows it the eating disorder will take over without her even realizing it happened. But most importantly, it’s not her fault. Everyone feels unhappy with themselves at some point, and if that negative voice becomes too strong it can cause a lot of damage. But you’re her friend (obviously, you care a lot about her) so remind her you’ll always be there for her whether she’s a model or a hunchback. And that’s what really matters. Again, let me know if I can help!

    • Thank you, I’ll try this approach when I see her again!
      And if I need to talk about it, I’ll definitely turn towards you 😉

  9. OhmyGod, Sylvia o.o Story of my life, starting high school. But I’m afraid I don’t know how to help either – I guess I just got lucky. Two girls took pity on me one day, and now they’re my best friends, and… I mean, I had that solid foundation of old friends. So… I donno. Best wishes for the future, though :/ I feel yo pain.

  10. Hey Lisi.

    I know this isn’t a ehmafraud question, but I have a couple of questions coming from an aspiring writer.

    1) how do you overcome writers block?
    2) how do you develop your characters?
    3) how do you stick to the plot of the story without it becoming boring?

    If you have time to answer these, thanks.

    Your fan (lol), Sarah. 🙂

    • Sarah, for ur third question, I can NEVER stick to the plot. the thing is, DON’T. just keep on writing and writing and writing, and eventually you will come back on track. u can just edit them out later. sure, the random things that may come out may be REALLY good, but u can just turn them into another story! but if u limit ur self to only thinking one way, u are putting urself in writers block

      • Thanks for the tip. Cuz I’m always ending up off track, and sometimes I find if I stay to only one plotline, I get bored with my story. Instead of writing what I could write, I write what I should write. Does that make sense? Thanks 🙂

  11. Lisi, thank you soooooooooooo much for the advice!! I couldn’t deal with it on my own, but with help from you, and everyone on the blah-g, I feel stronger (I know, sounds cheesy :P). Thank you everyone for helping me with the girl!!
    And Lisi, thank you for the complements <3. It feel amazing to be complemented by your favorite author!!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone!
    Kathy

  12. They don’t call me EhMaFraud for nothing. – Lisi Harrison

  13. Regarding Sylvia’s problem, maybe people sense that she’s trying too hard and it comes off fake to them. It’s like when you’re purposely looking for a boyfriend but nothing happens, then the instant you give up, something comes along. It’s one of those things where you just have to let it happen naturally. These people don’t sound like people you’d want to be friends with anyway if they don’t even practice common courtesy. I didn’t have many friends growing up, I’ve had friends come and go, but I have 2 very best friends that I’ve been friends with since 4th grade (I’m almost 20 now) Remember: quality over quantity. That Roxanne girl may have a lot of friends but they might not necessarily be GOOD friends. Maybe there is a club or after-school activity you can join where you’ll meet people who share the same interests as you. You won’t make friends by hiding in the bathroom, you have to get out there and become involved in something. Perhaps you’re only looking at the popular kids as the only possibility for friends, when there might in fact be other students who are more like you that maybe you’ve been ignoring because they’re not in the popular crowd. My overall advice is to get involved with something, like maybe a book club if you’re interested in reading. Sending e-mails to people might come off really desperate, depending on how well you know them. Start small, small talk and just simple hellos and waves. It’s like in a relationship, you don’t want to start calling them constantly and acting desperate around them, or else you’ll scare them away. Even if you only meet 1 person, as long as you are comfortable around them, that’s really all that matters, popular or not. And I agree with Lisi that high school is only one phase of life- the most important thing is to get good grades and get your degree. Chances are in college you will probably find more friends and activities that interest you.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I feel the same way Kathy’s friend does…except I don’t have the courage to tell someone all my problems. I honestly wish I could try out therapy, I think it could help me. However my parents wouldn’t go for it. Any advice under these conditions?

  15. Sylvia’s situation is similar to mine. It’s like the first quarter of my Sophomore year of high school. This was the ending point of my depression. Everything that Sylvia said is what I went through. I hated how I cried constantly. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do.

    I finally got help from a therapist and it works. My life has changed for the better. Seeing outside help isn’t bad. It’s actually a good thing to do. Venting out to somebody really helps the problems that people hold inside and it makes things worse.

    Sylvia, I wish I can give you a hug. The best of luck. Bea 🙂

  16. Olivia Ryan says:

    I totally heart your blog Lisi!
    I am always look: “Does she have a new post yet?” LOL

  17. So does anyone want to be part of my pinterest board thing I was talking about? 🙂

  18. Awesome post Lisi! I hope both Sylvia, Kathy, and Kathy’s friend will all be okay. Even though you said you didn’t know how to give advice in these areas, I think you did a pretty great job leading them in the right direction.

    And I hate to be spammy or annoying, but if anyone’s interested, I just posted my first cover on YouTube, Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran, and if you guys could check it out, I’d really appreciate it! Here’s the link, or you can click on my name: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odj4v5ID1cw

    Thanks guys! 🙂

  19. Dear EhMaFraud (or is it freud now?),
    Sorry for being so late. I’m usually one of the first to respond.
    I have a huge problem that has been buging me for sometime now. Summer is coming up (woo-hoo! Who’s excited?) and I really only have one group of friends in the summer. We usually hang out every single day after our swim practice, sometimes with a few of cute boys who are our friends but sometimes lately may be a little more. I used to love it, it’s really fun! But nowadays I’ve really only liked it when I hang out with the boys and my friends. My friends just get so… ERGH! I cannot stand them. Summer hasn’t even started and I’m already annoyed with them. I know I could just get some space, but after swim practice I’m always caught up in the moment and hang out, which I then regret later. I just want to know what to do, it’s killing me.
    I’m taking advice from anyone who is checking these comments and Lisi, too! I just need some help.
    😀

  20. Dear Ms. Harrison, (Ehmafraud)
    Sorry for the late reply-i got stuck in my science fair.
    Thank you so much for replying to my comment! I read it over and over again and I didn’t believe that someone could be so much help. I know that crying does not help at all, and I have been practicing meditation with my older sister lately. It really helps, and as strange it might sound and look, I really do feel so much better now. 🙂
    Again, thank you so much for your help. I don’t know what I could have done if I just hadn’t let things flow out. :):)<3
    Sylvia

  21. I know I’m late, but I want everyone who feels sad, lonely, confused, imperfect, extremely flawed and miserable to know that you’re fucking perfect and you don’t need to starve, cut, purge, binge, burn, or do anything to yourself. You’re all beautiful and amazing and you’ll eventually find people who see this. Middle school, Jr. high, and high school are not the most important years of your life and it does get better after you graduate. I hated myself and my life during high school, but as soon as I got to college it all got better. Life after school is so much better and if you can just hold on long enough to see I know it’ll be well worth it. Don’t give up.

  22. Lisi,
    Okay. The only guy I love is now dating my friend. I’m not mad at her. We live in seperate towns and he asked her out and she didn’t know I liked him. I can’t ruin their relationship, but I’ve known him for 5 years!! I’m afraid to tell him I like him. HELP!

  23. Sylvia Ike says:

    Hi Sylvia,
    My namesake! Just wanted to let you know that things really do get better! I was somewhat of a loner in high school, Now I am much older, graduated from pharmacy school, and I can honestly say that I am at a better place in my life. Before I used to always wish that I was the popular girl, but now I am much more happier being me. My advice to you is to focus on your dreams, your passions in life…what do you like to do? Read a lot! Especially Spiritual books, you will feel very empowered like I did! Course of Miracles was an incredible book. Find something that inspires you..try to find some purpose or passion from your pain….before you know it people will start wanting to be closer to you… to be friends with you..it happened to me! so why shouldn’t it happened to you?… it comes when you are not looking for it and when you are deeply engrossed in something else (positive)
    Blessings,
    Sylvia..

  24. Hi, yes this piece of writing is truly good and I have learned lot of things from it on the topic of blogging.
    thanks.

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