Pretenders Archives - Lisi Harrison

Swift Recovery

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 01:23:49 +0000

Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I’m in 9th grade and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a month now, which is the longest relationship both of us have been in. For the last two weeks I’ve made him my #MCM but he still hasn’t made me his #WCW. The last #WCW he posted was a random model he likes, but shouldn’t he be posting about me by now? It makes me think he isn’t nearly as into this relationship as I am. What’s his deal?

xx Larissa

Larissa,

Let’s take a cue from Sheridan Spencer–a very insecure actress in my novel, Pretenders. When she needs guidance, Sheridan channels a celebrity. The idea is, if she acts like them she will become like them, and her troubles will melt away. The thing is, there are many different ways to handle your issue. You can put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. You can play games that–if played well–will show him how you feel. Or you can be cool and act like you don’t care one way or the other. So who’s a girl to channel? What single person can help you play out all three of these possibilities?

The problem is which Taylor should you be?

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR ONE: “You Belong To Me”

You feel slighted, insulted, and dissed. Your feelings are hurt and you’re not one to play games. You tell him exactly how you feel. If he loves you he’ll realize what he’s done, and a 3D collage of you will put his sad little #WCW of said model to shame. If he doesn’t love you, he will once he realizes how open you are about your feelings.

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR TWO: “We Are Never Getting Back Together”

Are you seriously going to put up with that? Gawd, I hope not. So what’s the plan? You can’t do something predictable like replace his pic with a model’s. No, you’re going to #MakeHimSuffer. You’re going to #TeachHimALesson. You’re going to #MakeoutWithHisBestfriendRightInFrontOfHim. And then you’re going to #PostThat!

Not only will it teach him not to mess with you, it will teach the world not to mess with you either. Two birds, one stone. #Done.

OR YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR THREE: “Shake It Off”

This Taylor would start by knowing her audience–a teenaged dude. Did you see the movie Grease? Did you see how Danny acted in front of Sandy when his buddies were around? Like he didn’t even know her. Why? Because he’s terrified of being made fun of by his bros. Immature as it may seem, guys are supposed to act tough. Sex is the ultimate; love is for wuss-bags. Does he believe this? No. Does he mean it when he tells you how much he likes you? Yes. Does he know he’s going to be berated if he IG’s about his crush? YES! But a hot model is safe. It shows his bros that he’s not wearing his heart on his sleeve (Get it, heart-on?) He’s just being a dude. If that’s the worst thing he does, let him get away with it. It means he’s acting his age. Accept it. He’s just channeling a typical teenaged boy.

If he’s mean to you, disrespectful, rude, or anything else that makes you question his true feelings, skip over Taylor one and become Taylor two. In the meantime, you could stop following him and stick to life in the third dimension. That’s where the real magic happens.

TTYW,

Lisi

PS. Because hash tagging is my style, my #WCW for the week is the first person to comment this post. Expect a shout out.

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California, Here I Come

Lisi Harrison — Mon, 14 Oct 2013 18:31:07 +0000

It’s awn my friends!! I’m hitting the road this week with a fresh pen and a fading tan to spread the word about Pretenders. I’ll tell you all about the new series, I’ll sign, I’ll pose, I’ll say inappropriate things by accident, give away SWAP bracelets, Pretenders pens, and oodles of love.

Got homework? Pretend it’s done. #Wearepretenders

Got practice? Pretend you have cramps. #Wearepretenders

Got no ride? Pretend you have to buy an important book for school (#Wearepretenders) and tell the most gullible licensed driver you know to take you to…

Tuesday, October 15th

Barnes & Noble

7881 Edinger Ave.

Huntington Beach, CA

7pm – 9pm

Wednesday, October 16

Mrs. Nelsons Toy and Book Shop

1030 Bonita Ave.

La Verne, CA

5pm – 7pm

I can’t wait to see you!!

Lisi

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Selfie-Help: A Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie

Lisi Harrison — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 21:39:21 +0000

First a word from our sponsor…

Today is the day, my friends!!!! I am so excited to share this novel with you. Finally!!! This is why I am posting today instead of my usual Wednesday. I seriously can’t be contained. I have lived with these secrets long enough. I must share.

Being a Pretender is lonely. Like in a superhero sort of way. You have this public persona and then this whole other thing going on internally and if you’re any good at it, no one knows. You must become your own best friend. Your own voice of reason. And most importantly, your own photographer. Stay calm little P’s. My Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie will help. At least with the picture part.

1) Chin up, buttercup. Lift your face to the camera to avoid shar pei neck. Less is more when it comes to chins. If I wanted to see a pair of C’s I’d peek down my own shirt. #wearepretenders (I’m a B.)

2) Choose your backgrounds wisely. There’s nothing wrong with having a toilet behind you if you’re relieving yourself. But if you’re selfie-ing yourself? There’s nothing hot about the pot. (There’s a “take a crop” joke in here somewhere. I’ll keep working on it and get back to you.)

3) Any seasoned Pretender knows it’s okay to get help as long as you get all the credit. Not a very kind thing to do when another human is involved, but an App? Please. Apps are born to please. In fact, did you know that App stands for Aim (to) please please? So download a self-timer app, line up your pose, and take your sweet selfie-time. Then, 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… SMILE!

4) Don’t be a glass kisser. You won’t look sweet or cute or seductive. You will look like a quack. So duck off.

5) What do you mean my eyes aren’t green? The camera doesn’t lie. (Filters do. Know’m’sayin?)

Now fly, little P’s. Fly!!! Snap a selfie and show me what you’ve learned. Extra points if there’s a copy of PRETENDERS in the background.

If you live near Laguna Beach or have a private jet, come see me this Thursday, October 3rd from 5-6pm at Laguna Beach Books in Laguna Beach. I’ll be signing books, giving away S.W.A.P.s, and more secrets to faking your way to fabulous. If you can’t make it and must have a S.W.A.P you’re in luck. They’re out today!!!

http://www.gorjana-griffin.com/gorjana/jewelry/bracelets/lisi-harrison-piece.html

TTYNW,

Lisi

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