taylor swift Archives - Lisi Harrison

Swift Recovery

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 01:23:49 +0000

Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I’m in 9th grade and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a month now, which is the longest relationship both of us have been in. For the last two weeks I’ve made him my #MCM but he still hasn’t made me his #WCW. The last #WCW he posted was a random model he likes, but shouldn’t he be posting about me by now? It makes me think he isn’t nearly as into this relationship as I am. What’s his deal?

xx Larissa

Larissa,

Let’s take a cue from Sheridan Spencer–a very insecure actress in my novel, Pretenders. When she needs guidance, Sheridan channels a celebrity. The idea is, if she acts like them she will become like them, and her troubles will melt away. The thing is, there are many different ways to handle your issue. You can put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. You can play games that–if played well–will show him how you feel. Or you can be cool and act like you don’t care one way or the other. So who’s a girl to channel? What single person can help you play out all three of these possibilities?

The problem is which Taylor should you be?

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR ONE: “You Belong To Me”

You feel slighted, insulted, and dissed. Your feelings are hurt and you’re not one to play games. You tell him exactly how you feel. If he loves you he’ll realize what he’s done, and a 3D collage of you will put his sad little #WCW of said model to shame. If he doesn’t love you, he will once he realizes how open you are about your feelings.

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR TWO: “We Are Never Getting Back Together”

Are you seriously going to put up with that? Gawd, I hope not. So what’s the plan? You can’t do something predictable like replace his pic with a model’s. No, you’re going to #MakeHimSuffer. You’re going to #TeachHimALesson. You’re going to #MakeoutWithHisBestfriendRightInFrontOfHim. And then you’re going to #PostThat!

Not only will it teach him not to mess with you, it will teach the world not to mess with you either. Two birds, one stone. #Done.

OR YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR THREE: “Shake It Off”

This Taylor would start by knowing her audience–a teenaged dude. Did you see the movie Grease? Did you see how Danny acted in front of Sandy when his buddies were around? Like he didn’t even know her. Why? Because he’s terrified of being made fun of by his bros. Immature as it may seem, guys are supposed to act tough. Sex is the ultimate; love is for wuss-bags. Does he believe this? No. Does he mean it when he tells you how much he likes you? Yes. Does he know he’s going to be berated if he IG’s about his crush? YES! But a hot model is safe. It shows his bros that he’s not wearing his heart on his sleeve (Get it, heart-on?) He’s just being a dude. If that’s the worst thing he does, let him get away with it. It means he’s acting his age. Accept it. He’s just channeling a typical teenaged boy.

If he’s mean to you, disrespectful, rude, or anything else that makes you question his true feelings, skip over Taylor one and become Taylor two. In the meantime, you could stop following him and stick to life in the third dimension. That’s where the real magic happens.

TTYW,

Lisi

PS. Because hash tagging is my style, my #WCW for the week is the first person to comment this post. Expect a shout out.

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SMUGG BOOTS

Lisi Harrison — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 23:14:15 +0000

“There’s a lid for every pot out there.”

“It happens when you’re least expecting it.”

“It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find him.”

“Your Prince Charming will come.”

Single ladies across the Internet are outraged over a twitter exchange between Taylor Swift and newly engaged Lady Gaga. Here’s what went down:

Some are saying how sweet Lady Gaga was, but most think that if her words were boots they’d be SMUGG BOOTS. (Forgive me, Father. It’s been hours since my last pun.) Personally, I think…actually I don’t think that much about it at all. And I don’t think Lady did either. My guess is that she expressed her appreciation in 140 characters then moved on to the ten billion other things on her I Do List. But the debate does bring up a good point. The idea that a girl’s life is not complete until she meets her Prince Charming is a royal bunch of b.s. After years of marriage most of them end up looking like frogs.

Wanting to become someone’s other half, simply for the sake of it is insane. It’s also frighteningly accurate because many women complain about “losing themselves” over the course of their relationships. If you ask me, the single ones–the girls who are holding onto themselves instead of holding out for someone else–should be dolling out advice to those coupling up. “Hang in there. You won’t always have to compromise. He’ll go out of town eventually. You can make your own choices then.” Or “Girls Night Out will be more meaningful when it happens once a month as opposed to every weekend.” And “There’s nothing like sharing a bed with a snorer to remind you you’re not alone.”

If we weren’t brainwashed by romantic comedies and the like (that end just before reality sinks in), we might have a healthier approach to falling in love. It wouldn’t be something we go looking for but rather something that finds us. It wouldn’t feel like being rescued or completed. It would feel like one hundred percent of you, with a free side of scrumptous, nutritious, fat-free fries. Something wonderful added bonus. Something extra we never needed or asked for or even knew was existed. Something that brings flavor to our already delicious single-patty lives. Napkin optional.

Old school Bynes never lets me down.

TTYW,

Lisi

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ROCK THE QUOTE

Lisi Harrison — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 23:21:03 +0000

WARNING: DO NOT READ CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS WHILE WRITING A BOOK THAT REQUIRES JOURNAL ENTRIES.

Why? The voices are starting to blend. Below are ten quotes. Some from celebs and some from the Pretenders. Can you tell them apart?

These brief character descriptions should help.

Sheridan Spencer
Age: 14
Passion: Actress of the highest order.
Goal: To become a future star of the screen, including but not limited to; TV, film, computer, and tablet.

Andrew Duffy
Age: 14
Passion: Basketball.
Goal: Make Nobel High’s Varsity team. Then dominate.

Lily Bader-Huffman
Age: 14.5
Passion: Andrew Duffy.
Goal: Fit in at Noble High so I never have to be home schooled again.

Vanessa Riley
Age: Almost 15
Passion: Being the best.
Goal: Keep my parents from getting divorced. Win more awards. Get better grades than Lily. Steal Blake away from Lily. Have more goals than anyone else.

Jagger
Age: My birth certificate says 14 but I am emancipated from my parents so I seem more like 18.
Passion: I don’t have time for passion.
Goal: Survival.

. . .

QUOTES

1. “Confidence is key. Sometimes, you need to look like you’re confident even when you’re not.”
Who said it? Sheridan Spencer or Vanessa Hudgens.

2. “I’m not trying to be famous at all.”
Who said it? Jagger or Zac Efron.

3. “I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.”
Who said it? Taylor Swift or Vanessa Riley.

4. “I’m ready to stray from my comfort zone and play ‘down and out.’”
Who said it? Sheridan or Vanessa Hudgens.

5. “The grand scale of it all made me feel tiny. So pure and unfettered.”
Who said it? Lily or Taylor Swift.

6. “I think you have to be cool to be a good flirt, and I don’t think I’m very cool.”
Who said it? Harry Styles or Andrew Duffy.

7. “I know my flaws before other people point them out to me.”
Who said it? Lily Bader-Huffman or Taylor Swift.

8. “I am a lot of things but lazy isn’t one of them.”
Who said it? Vanessa Riley or Justin Bieber

9. “I can’t wait for life to get back to normal.”
Who said it? Duffy or Harry Styles

10. “The news was a sucker punch to the heart.”
Who said it? Selena Gomez or Vanessa Riley.

I’ll post the answers Friday on my Facebook page.

TTYW,

Lisi

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