Here’s what Dani said about her situation:

Hi Lisi! You always give the most ah-mayzing advice…and I could really use some. So, I’m a competitive high school bowler, and so is my ex. I have to be with him about 3, sometimes 4 days a week and its been really tough on me and my bowling game. The break-up is still fresh and came out of no where and its just really hit me now, I think I was in denial for a little while. It’s giving me major anxiety to the point where I don’t even want to leave the house. Any advice of forgetting him and focusing on myself and my girls?

Thank you!
Love,
Dani

1) Laugh your balls off: Dani, in the world of bowlers you are now considered a free-baller. I know I should probably SPARE your feelings and lay off the jokes but sometimes making fun of those moments in life when we STRIKE out can help. So try to keep a sense of humor when you can and see how many other bowling terms you and your friends can come up with to describe your feelings surrounding this break-up. It might feel like a corny exercise but at least you’ll be laughing. Let me know what they are.

2) Channel surf: Make like Sheridan Spencer from Pretenders and channel a focused bowler who also happens to be seriously over this breakup. That’s right, fake it. Get into character before the game and act. I used to do that in high school in front of my crush after he dumped me. I would cry ever night but at school I acted like I had never been happier. It freaked him out and I got some joy from that. Your game will improve and so will your mood–at least until you get home.

3) Journal: Write about your sadness. This is the place for drama so let it rip. You can also write about the qualities you want in your next crush and ask yourself honestly how many of those qualities this guy had. Or write letters to the future love of your life. Talk to your next boyfriend like he really exists. Manifest him.

4) Put gum on the bottom of his bowling shoes: Yep, that’s what I said.

5) Focus: Part of being an athlete is tuning out the world and outside distractions. I’m not an athlete but I know one and I happen to have a lot of distractions. I downloaded The Art of Mental Training by D.C. Gonzalez and I listen to it on my phone when I need to get in the zone. There are a ton of helpful tips about staying focused and playing your best game. I believe his philosophies could apply to the dating game as well.

Now go bust some balls!!

TTYW,
Lisi

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This is how I stayed occupied while my mom ran boring errands. Now it’s a metaphor for how I process rejection.

Rejection comes in many forms. A broken heart, not making the team, not being invited, not getting that scholarship, not getting into your dream college, not getting the job, not getting that book deal, not getting in the club, losing the starring role, waking up to the word REJECT written across your forehead…

Rejection is gutting. It makes us feel inadequate. But that feeling will fade faster than Sharpie ink if you give them the Lisi Harrison Twix Treatment.

TWIX TREATMENT: CODE

Chocolate = Your own damn fault.

Caramel = Ego.

Cookie = The bottom line.

I have Selena and Justin’s break-up on the brain so let’s start with getting the ol’ heart broken.

1. The first layer you need to scrape away is the chocolate. So ask yourself: How much of this break up is my own damn fault? Try to come up with at least three honest answers. Were you clingy? Jealous? Critical? Flirty with others? Bossy? Obsessed? Distant? Mean? Sneaky? Snoopy? Knowing I had something to do with my rejection makes me feel better. Not only do I learn from my mistakes, but I don’t feel like the victim of a random act of violence.

If you got fired ask yourself: Did you give it your best shot? Were you always on time? Did you get along with your co-workers? Were you trying to improve or did you get lazy?

More often than not we play a part in our own rejections. Yes, sometimes bad things happen for no reason. I’ll get to that in a minute. For now keep scraping…

2. Time for the caramel layer–our egos. Hidden just below the surface our egos have a sneaky way of taking over. Their job is to make us think we–and our current problems–are the only things that matter. And they are wrong. We must scrape them away by asking ourselves: how much of my sadness is related to the actual issue and how much is related to not wanting to be rejected?

Do I really think this person is the best partner for me? Did we really have fun when we hung out together? Did they make me feel comfortable and at ease or was I always trying to impress them? Did they make me a better version of me or did they reduce me to an insecure mess? Am I upset because I will miss him or because he chose someone else and now I feel like a hideous loser?

Now work. Was this job really making me happy? Am I bummed because I was rejected or because I won’t get to do ____ for 40 hours a week? Am I upset because I am ashamed of being fired or because no one loved that job more than I did?

Any time I can admit my sadness is a result of a bruised ego v.s. losing something I truly loved, I heal faster.

3. The cookie is the bottom line. It’s bare and hard. It’s truth. It’s the part of rejection that is real. The part that says, I know you gave it your all, but someone else was better. Sh!% happens. We can’t rationalize it. All we can do is swallow it.

Or …

* Make a list of five good things that will come of this rejection. Then start referring to it as an opportunity.

*Oprah magazine once published an article about making tough decisions and getting over loss. The trick is to ask yourself how this will impact you ten minutes from now. Then ten days from now. Then ten months. Then ten years. It really helps put things into perspective.

*Binge on Twix bars until you get so sick you forget about your sadness.

I hope this helps. Next week I will be answering ten questions you asked me in the comments section. Try to make them interesting. Nothing about the Clique movie. There’s only one. It’s a bummer, I know. Talk about rejection.

Moving on…

TTYW,

Lisi

“Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

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