“There’s a lid for every pot out there.”

“It happens when you’re least expecting it.”

“It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find him.”

“Your Prince Charming will come.” 

Single ladies across the Internet are outraged over a twitter exchange between Taylor Swift and newly engaged Lady Gaga. Here’s what went down:

   Some are saying how sweet Lady Gaga was, but most think that if her words were boots they’d be SMUGG BOOTS. (Forgive me, Father. It’s been hours since my last pun.) Personally, I think…actually I don’t think that much about it at all. And I don’t think Lady did either. My guess is that she expressed her appreciation in 140 characters then moved on to the ten billion other things on her I Do List. But the debate does bring up a good point. The idea that a girl’s life is not complete until she meets her Prince Charming is a royal bunch of b.s. After years of marriage most of them end up looking like frogs.  

Wanting to become someone’s other half, simply for the sake of it is insane. It’s also frighteningly accurate because many women complain about “losing themselves” over the course of their relationships. If you ask me, the single ones–the girls who are holding onto themselves instead of holding out for someone else–should be dolling out advice to those coupling up. “Hang in there. You won’t always have to compromise. He’ll go out of town eventually. You can make your own choices then.” Or “Girls Night Out will be more meaningful when it happens once a month as opposed to every weekend.” And “There’s nothing like sharing a bed with a snorer to remind you you’re not alone.”  

Old school Bynes never lets me down.

TTYW,

Lisi                        

The post SMUGG BOOTS appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Here’s what Dani said about her situation:

Hi Lisi! You always give the most ah-mayzing advice…and I could really use some. So, I’m a competitive high school bowler, and so is my ex. I have to be with him about 3, sometimes 4 days a week and its been really tough on me and my bowling game. The break-up is still fresh and came out of no where and its just really hit me now, I think I was in denial for a little while. It’s giving me major anxiety to the point where I don’t even want to leave the house. Any advice of forgetting him and focusing on myself and my girls?

Thank you!
Love,
Dani

1) Laugh your balls off: Dani, in the world of bowlers you are now considered a free-baller. I know I should probably SPARE your feelings and lay off the jokes but sometimes making fun of those moments in life when we STRIKE out can help. So try to keep a sense of humor when you can and see how many other bowling terms you and your friends can come up with to describe your feelings surrounding this break-up. It might feel like a corny exercise but at least you’ll be laughing. Let me know what they are.

2) Channel surf: Make like Sheridan Spencer from Pretenders and channel a focused bowler who also happens to be seriously over this breakup. That’s right, fake it. Get into character before the game and act. I used to do that in high school in front of my crush after he dumped me. I would cry ever night but at school I acted like I had never been happier. It freaked him out and I got some joy from that. Your game will improve and so will your mood–at least until you get home.

3) Journal: Write about your sadness. This is the place for drama so let it rip. You can also write about the qualities you want in your next crush and ask yourself honestly how many of those qualities this guy had. Or write letters to the future love of your life. Talk to your next boyfriend like he really exists. Manifest him.

4) Put gum on the bottom of his bowling shoes: Yep, that’s what I said.

5) Focus: Part of being an athlete is tuning out the world and outside distractions. I’m not an athlete but I know one and I happen to have a lot of distractions. I downloaded The Art of Mental Training by D.C. Gonzalez and I listen to it on my phone when I need to get in the zone. There are a ton of helpful tips about staying focused and playing your best game. I believe his philosophies could apply to the dating game as well.

Now go bust some balls!!

TTYW,
Lisi

The post FREE BALL appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Hi friends. I’ve got three more video replies for you today. Plus some sweet under-eye circles to prove how hard I’m working. Jannette, Jacinda, and Kaelan, these are for you.

* * *

[wpvideo pS0Rl1q8]

Opps, my reply was too long so the video was cut short. The rest said: It’s easier to admit you’re not perfect than it is to cover it up.

[wpvideo ehnnC2gi]

[wpvideo nNBNbMmp]

More to come next week!

TTYW,

Lisi

The post Q&A Part 3 appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Aside from making up characters, dialogue and stories for a living, my most elaborate game of pretend is my Morning Staff Meeting. It takes place in my office approximately five minutes after I arrive. I set down my latte, light a vanilla scented candle, and ask my assistant Oscar (yes, a pretend one)

to assemble the department heads. He buzzes me on the intercom when they have gathered. Allow me to introduce them….

Starting on the left: Paula is in charge of the Psychology Department. Things like mood, motivation, and mindset. I tell her where I’m at and she gives me permission to own my feelings. Sheena handles fitness and health. She forces me to get up and stretch every hour also reminds me when it’s time to break for lunch and when I’m chewing my gum too aggressively. Zee is all fashion. Not just mine but for my characters too. She helps me dress them and sometimes lets me take a break to shop online. I bought her a t-shirt that says, Add To Cart for her birthday last week. She loved it even though it was turquoise which was so last year’s color. Finally there’s W.D., Head of Writing. He advises me to stop talking to magazine covers and get to work. Even when I’m not feeling creative he makes me write. We have a love-hate thing.  The ceramic dog is Chiquita. Her job is to purr like a kitten and lay glitter eggs, obviously. Fake as it all may seem, this meeting grounds me in the moment and gets me ready for the day ahead. It also keeps me  amused and puts me in the mindset for creativity. So go on, talk about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.  Identity thieves aside, pretending is harmless. If the Army lets you be all you can be, pretending lets you be all that you can’t. Unless your name is Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, those are many things. So go on, say it. My name is ________ and I am a Pretender. LOUDER!

My name is ________ and I am a Pretender!!!

Feels good, doesn’t it?

PLEASE tell me how you pretend and don’t forget to tag your post on social media (Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter) #WeArePretenders and help me show the rest of the world that #TheyAreInDenial.

TTYW,

Lisi

“Pretend is to lie as kitten is to lion. One is cute, the other callous.” 

-Lisi Harrison #Author #SelfQuoter

The post #WeArePretenders appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Dear EhMahFraud,
I’m a freshman in high school, and have been working really hard all year to do well in school. It’s been working, I’m a strait A student, but I’m finding I have no time for anything else. When I do get the chance to go out and DO stuff, I just worry about not getting my homework done and stay home instead. I feel like I’m missing out on everything. My friends have gotten distant, and its almost like I forget how to interact with people. (I know, I sound like such a nerd living in my basement.) I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I don’t know how to balance a social life with school! Help!

Dear Sarah,

I am nawt kidding when I say I have the EXACT same problem as you. So much so that I had to hire a professional named Candace to help me deal. I, like you, have put a lot of pressure on myself to hit my deadlines and write bestselling novels. I equate that with your drive to get straight A’s. Congratulations on that by the way. What an incredible accomplishment!!

In order for me to achieve my goals I have to say no to a lot of people most of the time. I have had to smile through recaps of great beach days that I couldn’t be a part of. If I do go out I am usually the first one to leave so I can be fresh for work the next day.  I have seen friends move on. I go through phases when I get really bummed out because I’m missing out on everything. And I know that’s how you feel too. Everyone who pushes themselves to excel shares our feelings. It’s lonely when you have lofty goals. So what’s a hard-core girl to do? Here are a few things Candace taught me. They changed my life.

1. First, know that you work this hard because you are passionate about (writing, straight A’s, sports, dance…)  You are lucky to have this passion and should continue to honor it. You love what you do and are successful because you have devoted so much time to it. Would you feel fulfilled if you gave it all up to hang out with friends? Would you? I wouldn’t.

2. When it feels like you’re saying “no” too often, write a letter. Don’t email, send it in the mail. It’s more meaningful and sincere. Tell your friend how much they mean to you and how grateful you are to have them in your life. Explain that you are on a mission to (insert goal here) and that knowing they support you means everything. I’ve been doing that lately. My friends think I’m crazy. They tell me they knew all this and that I didn’t have to write it. But deep down inside I know it made us both feel better.

3. Designate one day per week as a no-work day. No matter what you can’t do homework. For me that’s Wednesdays. This is my day to blog, pay bills, have lunch with a friend, catch up on emails, get a hair cut…whatever. Giving yourself permission to take a day off will give you a sense of balance. It’s a day for friends, family, and you. Make plans with people you miss. It will help you feel connected and a part of things. If you can designate two days and still reach your goals, go for it. Make it the same day each week. This helps you stick to it.

4. Those who don’t get invited, host. And if they don’t they should. Host a monthly sleepover. Start a book club. Organize a clothes swap. A movie night. Whatever. The point is to host an affair that allows you to be socially efficient. Instead of making five sets of plans host everyone at once.

5. Remind yourself that your goal is an incredible one. Sacrifices are part of success. And you’re doing this because you can’t imagine doing anything else. It’s your ego that’s making you feel like you’re missing out. Your heart is happy. And that ticker is what keeps you alive so keep giving it what it wants. Except on your day off, of course.

Thanks for all of your questions. Keep ’em coming.

I’m listening.

TTYW,

Lisi

The post Dear EhMaFraud #2 appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

It’s painful. And what’s worse? Mine is spreading. I am about to address your questions, none of which have anything to do with writing. I will give my opinion and dole out advice. All while silencing the voices that keep telling me I have no idea what I’m talking about. Although these ones might be right.

Dreamerhogwartsbeliever on Tumblr asked: If you could cast any young stars on the Hollywood scene at the moment for the second Clique movie, who would you pick? (Not including the girls from the first movie).

Emma Roberts as Massie

Karley Scott Collins as Claire.

Selena Gomez as Alicia.

   Bella Thorne as Dylan.

HELP!!!!!! I have spent the last HOUR trying to cast Kristen. ANY IDEAS???
A young Blake Livley is where my heads at.

Noah Cyrus as Layne. (LOVE THIS ONE!)

2. Lauren Hass on Twitter asks: What was the dream career that you wanted when you were a little kid?!

EhMaFraud: You’re looking at it. (When you’re reading one of my novels.)

3. Julia from my Blah-g comments asks: You and Kevy and married, correct? Or do you just live together and are in looovvee?

EhMaFraud: Yes we are married. But I prefer to call him my life-crush. It sounds more exciting.

4.  From Kathy off my blah-g comments:

“On Sunday my grade went on a field trip for a couple days with kids from another campus my school is associated with. I know the kids from there, we were together in primary. One of the girls there (code name Anabelle) was one of my friends from the school. But during the trip she did something really mean to me and I have no idea why.
Here’ what happened. She was talking to all my guy friends and keeping them away from me just to piss me off and make me jealous (excuse my language in this comment, I’m just really mad at the girl). I don’t know what I’ve ever done to make her want to hurt me, but for some reason she did. We went out to dinner one night, and there was just one friend of mine who was making our table the best one to be at, it was soooo much fun!! But than Anabelle was like, “oh can I talk to you?” so he went over to her table. She kept him there for a really long time. Then when he left, she said “what else can I do to make Kathy jealous?” A friend of mine that was at her table told me about it.
I’ve never done anything to hurt her and it really pisses me off that she’d do something like that to me. I felt like walking up to her and telling her she was a b!tch, but I didn’t. I thought I’d tell her over e-mail but I decided no to. I want to get revenge over her but I know it would be wrong. I don’t know what to do. I know I’m mad and that she shouldn’t be able to get away with it that easily, but I don’t know how I can get back at her with out acting like a total b!tch myself. I don’t wanna sink to her level.

This is a REALLY long comment and it means the world to me if you read it.
Any advice? I’d love to hear your say in the matter!!”

EhMaFraud: Kathy, few things hurt more than a friend turning on you, especially when you don’t know why. I understand the urge to fight back and hurt her the way she hurt you. Believe me, I do. But even a fake advice giver like myself can see that she’s trying to get a reaction out of you. So the best way to get her back is to ignore her. Imagine an invisible bubble around yourself and don’t let her in. The more she tries to penetrate the thicker your bubble gets. It may seem like you’re taking the easy way out but ignoring takes more strength than calling someone names. And please do NOT email anything to her. Emails can be changed, forwarded, posted, and used for evil. Write everything you WANT to say to her in a private journal, then say nothing. And remember, bubble up for safety!

Please label all future inquiries to Ask EhMaFraud and I will do my best to answer them.

TTYW,

Lisi

Proud Fraud Complex survivor since 2001.

The post EhMaFraud. appeared first on Lisi Harrison.