I, Lisi Harrison, am a Pretender. I have ventured beyond my limitations in a playful way. I have spray tanned, batted false eyelashes, dyed my hair, worn a water bra, and jammed my gut into SPANX! I’ve performed live concerts for invisible crowds and faked my period to get out of swim class. I’ve said it’s not him, it’s me when it was him and I’ve used a fake I.D. to vote. I’ve even claimed to use a fake I.D. to vote when it was really to rent a vehicle. I mean a bike. I mean… fine, I tried alcohol before I was 21. Kidding. It was to vote.

Aside from making up characters, dialogue and stories for a living, my most elaborate game of pretend is my Morning Staff Meeting. It takes place in my office approximately five minutes after I arrive. I set down my latte, light a vanilla scented candle, and ask my assistant Oscar (yes, a pretend one)


to assemble the department heads. He buzzes me on the intercom when they have gathered. Allow me to introduce them….

staff Starting on the left: Paula is in charge of the Psychology Department. Things like mood, motivation, and mindset. I tell her where I’m at and she gives me permission to own my feelings. Sheena handles fitness and health. She forces me to get up and stretch every hour also reminds me when it’s time to break for lunch and when I’m chewing my gum too aggressively. Zee is all fashion. Not just mine but for my characters too. She helps me dress them and sometimes lets me take a break to shop online. I bought her a t-shirt that says, Add To Cart for her birthday last week. She loved it even though it was turquoise which was so last year’s color. Finally there’s W.D., Head of Writing. He advises me to stop talking to magazine covers and get to work. Even when I’m not feeling creative he makes me write. We have a love-hate thing.  The ceramic dog is Chiquita. Her job is to purr like a kitten and lay glitter eggs, obviously. Fake as it all may seem, this meeting grounds me in the moment and gets me ready for the day ahead. It also keeps me  amused and puts me in the mindset for creativity. So go on, talk about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.  Identity thieves aside, pretending is harmless. If the Army lets you be all you can be, pretending lets you be all that you can’t. Unless your name is Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, those are many things. So go on, say it. My name is ________ and I am a Pretender. LOUDER!

My name is ________ and I am a Pretender!!!

Feels good, doesn’t it?

PLEASE tell me how you pretend and don’t forget to tag your post on social media (Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter) #WeArePretenders and help me show the rest of the world that #TheyAreInDenial.





Pretend is to lie as kitten is to lion. One is cute, the other callous.” 

-Lisi Harrison #Author #SelfQuoter


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  • lillie says:

    My name is lillie and i am a pretender. Seriously lisi, i pretend much more then you. I am in middle school and yet a have imaginary friends and enemies. I also write stories and stuff like that, in my head. Oh yeah, and i also like to pretend that my best friend didn’t dump me last week because i talk about minecraft too much…. i also pretend i don’t wish my life was over. xD but thats life right? Thanks lisi this made me happy!

  • Julia says:

    i pretend to text when im alone somewhere or when all of my friends are texting even though no one is texting me

  • Arianna says:

    My name is Arianna and I’m a pretender!!!

  • Kathy says:

    My name is Kathy and I am a pretender!
    I pretend to be strong, even when I’m not. I pretend to like people because I can’t come out and say I don’t. I fake smiles. I pretend not to be self-conscious. I pretend I don’t watch Disney Channel anymore (come on, who doesn’t?). I pretend I’m still a kid (I am at heart).
    I pretend to be lots of things I’m not.
    Thank you so much Lisi, it’s kind of nice to say it 🙂

  • Jahquincyia Pratt says:

    Are you going to write another book for “The Clique”?

    On Thu, Sep 5, 2013 at 6:18 PM, Lisi Harris

  • Gretchen says:

    First off my Instagram is @me_and_my_pit_bull
    I’m a pretender!!! I fake my life!!! It’s true!!! I pretend that I don’t want friends but in reality I want lots if friends. I pretend I’m different when I’m just giving a people to bully me. I pretend that I’m happy and ok with my life when im not!!! I tell my mom that I know she devorced my dad because it wasn’t working out but it was that she was gold digger!!!

  • Ari says:

    Aren’t we all Pretenders? It’s human nature. 🙂

  • Mehreen says:

    Wow! First comment! That was really intriguing Lisi!

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