Spray It Forward

We’ve all heard the expression, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” We’ve heard, “Life imitates art.” But yesterday, I birthed its love child. Meet, “You are seriously, never in a billion years, ehv-er, going to believe this.” Born, Wednesday, September 12th at approximately 2:30 PM/PST.
I had twenty pages to go on my Phoenix Five revision. Right on schedule. After I sent draft two to my editor I would post my Blah-g, and then file my quarterly taxes. A to-do-list-lover’s dream day.
Being human, I took a break and bought a salad from a fancy, organic, vegan, healthy-high-horse, we’re-awesome-‘cause-we-eat-kale-instead-of-anything-with-eyes-or-lungs-and-our-yogurt-has-live-active-cultures-in-it kind of place. And a Coke Zero. (Human remember?)
I returned to my desk to eat and finish off my last twenty pages. This being one of them.

Screen Shot of "Too Much Barfing" Note from Erin

Click to enlarge photo.

Can you zoom that blue box on the right? It’s a note from Erin, my editor. She is telling me to stop making so many “barf” references. She thinks there are too many in the book. She suggested I have Duffy feel “dizzy” instead. I agreed and made the change. I typed “dizzy” and (here’s the freaky part) I began to feel dizzy. I typed “sweaty” and began to sweat. I re-read the barfing moment and I swear I began to dry heave.
I started to panic.
Twenty-Five Things You don’t Know About Me.
1 through 25: I HATE PUKING.
I get it, no one likes it. But it is one of my biggest fears EVER! I’d rather be trapped in a crowded elevator and have violent diarrhea than puke in privacy. Also, I have never puked in a toilet. I can’t possibly see how sticking my head in a contaminated bowl is supposed to make me feel better. Plastic bags or trash cans only. So trash can it was.
I was crying, sweating, and dying alone. I wanted to text Kevy my life-crush but I couldn’t move. Eventually I managed.
I typed:
Puking.
(No response)
Come.
(Nothing.)
Now.
(Nope.)
I reach out to Siri. Thank gawd someone was there for me.

Ca-lling Ke-vy Harrison.
He answered on the first ring, “Hey, babe!”
I couldn’t help wondering how someone could be that close to his phone and not notice the texts. But I was too weak to fight.
“Puking. Hurry.”
He walked into my office five minutes later, laughed, and said, “Holy sH!# you look bad.”
Again, too weak to fight.
I think we rode home in our golf cart. I don’t remember.
I called the restaurant today to tell them about their evil food. They offered me a free yogurt. I invited them to join me in a crowded elevator.
Off to do my taxes now. Jealous?

TTYW,
Lisi

P.S. Thank you for the positive feedback on the new site. I know some of you miss the old one so to help you acclimate we are working to bring back the old background, or at least get a familiar color scheme going. Let me know if that helps once it’s installed.

Comments

  1. 3 weeks, 2 pages. Must. Finish. Chapter.
    I can’t focus!

  2. pinegorilla says:

    That’s not it at all. Congrats on your success with the past two chapters. I’m not going to be rude to you, but this is annoying to everyone I’m sure, and it’s pretty obvious that our personalities clash, so I just think it’s better to not talk to each other.

  3. lets talk about happy stuff like rainbows, unicorns, and cheese!

  4. like my new icon? it’s my cat Eddie Bieber-fied!

  5. I really can never have kids. I seriously hate teenagers and pre-teens. Especially the current generation. I’d end up sending my kids to military school or something, (Whihc a lot of kids these days need to go to!) Can’t handle babies either. Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby sister more than anything, but she can drive me crazy sometimes and I never want one of my own. Nope. Never. The only reason I’d ever possibly want a kid is to show everyone else how to properly raise a child. Not a bad mouthing, slutty, disgusting, wannabe criminal thug creature. Kids these days are just awful.

    • I agree/disagree with you Arianna. Just like you can’t judge a whole group of people based on the actions of one (example: not EVERYONE watches Jersey Shore), I feel like the kids I’m growing up with are actually a bit worrying. I don’t have an iPod (I’ve lived fourteen years without one), and my parents have semi-agreed to a phone (don’t get your panties in a twizzler; it’s a Nokia. The kind that doesn’t break) and it’s only so that I can get home safely. And they will, have no doubt, kill me if I use it for anything but that.
      Also, I can’t believe the way they seem to not care at all. Go shopping every other day, let their grades dive bomb, and gossip about other people every moment. I’m not into any of that, and I’ll admit it; my family runs on a modest middle-class budget. I don’t care. I have a roof over my head, three square meals a day, and people who love be and whom I belong to. That’s more than a lot of people can ask for these days, and it makes me sad when other kids really don’t realize it.
      That being said, I’ve come across really kind, warm-hearted people who are worth knowing and I’m glad to know. I guess what I’m saying is don’t write us all off. 😀 We’re really trying here.
      But it wouldn’t horrible if they found out what actually reading a book is like (OMR! YOU HAVE TO MANUALLY TURN THE PAGES! IT’S BLACK AND WHITE!)
      (on that note; I’m not a big fan of Kindle’s and Nook’s either. :l )

      • I totally get what you’re saying, Anjor. Not everyone is bad, but kids today in general are and it makes me sad. I was a teacher’s aid for a freshman class my senior year of high school and everyday I sat there waiting for a kid to be escorted in by their parole officer. People like you and most of the girls on this Blah-g are amazing people and I’m so happy I’ve met y’all. I love you guys, I do. It’s just the people, right now, around me, have pretty much banished all hope I had of there being a good generation because only a small percent of kids these days are actually decent. I’m just hoping people my age and a bit older than me will have enough sense to raise good kids in the future.

        But I’m seriously never having kids. I’d be a terrible parent. I’m a bad influence. Never look up to me or use me as your role model.

  6. http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=6387831664633399290&postID=8851356678403506368&page=1&token=1348017287900&isPopup=true

    I nominated you for a Reader Appreciation award. ♥
    (Sorry, I know you probably won’t actually read this. Blah.)

  7. sup B)

  8. I made a pwoerpoint. what now?

  9. Blah-g day!!!

  10. My Neon pink pants are eeeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiilllll but they are ah-ddddoooooooorrrrrrraaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbllllleeeee so I wear them.

  11. Haylee – I cant reply to your comment anymore? 😦 That upsets me, I like replying straight to a comment! On GG I ship Chair – I cant cope with Dair, it’s just too many levels of wrong, Blair and Chuck were made for each other, like Romeo and Juliet! But, I do ship Dan/Serena, they’re cute together, they just need to realise it! Not a huge fan of Nate/Jenny or Nate/Charlie! He really needs a nice girl for him in season 6! Can I offer myself for the part? 😉
    Haha, who doesn’t like Irish accents?! Crazy people fo’ sho’! You horseride? Thats so cool! I’ve always loved horses but never been able to make time for riding lessons, tell me about him?! what does he look like, how does he act?
    I’m a HUGE Hart of Dixie fan, when my sister was at Uni last year we would watch the episodes online when they came out in the U.S then when the other had seen it call and have a massive chat about it! I personally prefer Zoe with Wade, I dont think it’s right to break up a couple, especially one that even though its not anywhere close to perfect , is still full of love. BUTTT, at the same time I do kind of love Lemon and Lavon?! Crazaaay stuff in my head! 😛 That video is so cute! BRING ON SEASON 4! I want the Drama. That’s right, with a capital D. oh my gosh I think I’m going delirious!

  12. I can NOT focus to get this story done. I’m trying so hard and only just finished chapter 1. and it sucks so I’m revising like crazy.

    • nadiabean21 says:

      Go outside take a walk and get a deep breath of fresh air. Then imagine your thoughts being thrown away, ripped up and thrown down the toilet, or burned etc. It usually helps for me to think of my thoughts being ruined and then my mind is clear. 🙂

  13. You go Arianna! Haha have you ever lost an argument?

  14. nadiabean21 says:

    Ughhhhhh iOS 6 is taking forever to download on my iPad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. Why do I have so many dreams about flying in grocery stores wearing fancy jeans? It’s my 10th in the past few months! and they’re all diffrent! last night was a murder-mystery-sleepover-cheetoh-worshipping-magazines one. another was drawing a cheat code at super target to fly. one was underwater so it was like i was flying. in harris teeter. I have a weird brain.

    • nadiabean21 says:

      Wow.. wish I had those dreams. I wake up and after 3 seconds I forget my dreams.

      • that happens to me most of the time. and most of the time my dreams are gross, inappropriote, and confusing. so much so I can’t say them out loud. they’re impossible to explain. I can’t even do it to myself. Most of the time I wake up remembering a cute jacket or a magazine from my dream and can’t even see a clear picture of it. and most of the time in my dream i’m like “this is just like my dream i had a few months ago and i wake up wondering if i’m remembering a real dream or it’s just a chunk of my 1 dream. and dreams shift in the middle so unexpectedly it just seems so odd. I like alice through the looking glass cause it really captures the essence of a dream. AKA, shifts unexpectedly and makes no sense.

  16. Maggie/Nadia- Not to brag, but I have some of the best dreams. I love sleeping because of my dreams.

  17. lol! It kinda reminds me of this movie I once watched I think its called “Stranger than Fiction”

  18. YOU STOP READING YOU WILL DIE TONIGHT. Hi im Mike. Im 11 years old but im dead now, I had no friends… If you do not post this to 20 pictures you will die tonight at exactly 11:59pm. DONT BELIEVE ME? A guy named Jake read this and laughed later that night I took a knife out of his kitchen and stabbed him to death. You dont wanna be Jake do you? A girl named Sandra read this and only posted it to 10 pictures SILLY GIRL SHES ONLY 11 BUT OH WELL. That day she saw me and ran to her grandmas house…She asked her could she use the bathroom… but guess what I was already there Shes now in a coma. A smart guy named Phill read this and posted it to 20 pictures because he was scared… The next morning he won the lottery And his Girlfriend accepted his marrige. 0 pictures-Death 10 pics- Coma 20-Pics somthing good will happen. TIC TOC

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