You are sophisticated enough to know that a faux-pas is the fancy French way of saying, what we North American’s typically call, “a fu#%-up.” Or what I, being far too eloquent to curse might refer to as, “a blunder” or “a mistake.” But have you heard of the phone-pas? Doubtful since as of post-time I am convinced I coined the term, which means, “a blunder we make with our phones”.
In celebration of the new iPhone5 I present 5 PHONE-PAS you MUST avoid.
1. It’s 2012. Even vampires show up on film these days. So don’t let a camera and microphone convince you that you have something smart to say. If you don’t know what you’re talking about make like an external drive and zip it. But if you must give your opinion it’s always best to act unimpressed. Unlike these people.
2. There is absolutely no clever way of saying this so I’m going to give it to you straight. It’s super ah-nnoying hanging out with you while you’re texting, checking, posting, tweeting, or searching. You’re basically saying, “Whatever you are talking about is a serious snoozer. But the people in my address book? Truly fascinating!”
3. Unless you are an on-call doctor first on the organ transplant list you better be looking in my eyeballs and hanging on my every 3-D, HD word.
4. Phones are like elbows. Get them off the table.
Fine, sometimes I eat with my elbows on the table. But I’m serious about the phones. It just leads to issue #2 and you know how I feel about that.
5. CRUCIAL: If you are going to use acronyms know what they mean. A few days ago I texted my mom who is new to ‘the text message’ and still finding her way. But still. I wrote to tell her I had food poisoning. And do you know what the woman sent back?
I kid you not. I couldn’t believe how heartless she was. I am an adult, yes, but I was weak and vulnerable and I wanted some mommy love. She called me later so of course I asked why she thought my brush with death (drama sells, baby) was so laugh out loud funny. And you know what she said?
“Lisi, I didn’t think it was funny. I was sending you LOL–Lots Of Love!”
I mean, come awn.
TTYW (Mom, that means Talk To You Wednesday.)