HAPPY BIRD-DAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!!!! I’ve been trilling happy birthday so much that the birds–mistaking me for one of them–have gathered. See?

Photo on 1-16-13 at 3.32 PM

In honor of your sixteenth thirteenth birthday, I will leak another journal entry from the formerly-named-soon-to-be-renamed-Phoenix-Five. Meet Lily Bader-Huffman.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011.

Here are the headlines: My name is Lily, I turn fifteen next month, and I am eating for three. Wait, I think it’s four if you count me, and ready for this, Mom and Dad are klueless kuz I still look way-skinny thanks to Karess.

Not only is Karess an educated personal trainer slash DJ on Sundays, he is the father of my triplets. Oh, and he’s all into spelling C words with K’s so now I am too.

Back to my skinnyness.

Karess recommended protein bars and energy drinks to keep the baby weight off and ready for this: Five months pregnant and I’ve already lost 11 pounds. Kan you believe?

Once I “show” we’ll Greyhound it to L.A. and open a gym called Kut. It will kost a million dollars to join so we kan get rich in one day. Karess wants to name the kids Karb, Kalorie, and Kardio. Luv it. Luv him. Luv the kreativity.

School is for unpregnant losers. Like what’s the point of this journal assignment if I’m going to open a gym? Also my hand is shaking kuz I’ve had seven energy drinks on an empty stomach. Well, empty of food, not triplets. Point is it’s hard to write.

Klass is over! Next stop, kemistree.

 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011.

(Midnight)

I left my journal on the kitchen table for six whole hours. Mom made two attempts to bust the lock, first at 4:27 PM and again at 7:19 PM, but she couldn’t guess my combo (A.D.’s b-day). Even if she did, and then managed to hide the clues, I’d know. That fake entry about Karess would shock her blind. She’d start circling the living room like a mad cow; slamming into bookcases, knocking over newspaper stacks, tripping on lamp cords. Believe me, I’d know.

Thanks to this sturdy locking mechanism, I can be free. Free to discover the real Lily Bader-Huffman. Not the A+ student, with the hot male best friend, who has been home-schooled for eight years. The one who is forming beneath her. Growing like a shadow. Faceless and distorted; elongating and reaching; determined to make her secret dream come true. Determined to be normal and popular and kissed by—

Uh-oh…footsteps.

❤ Lily Bader-Huffman version 2.0

Next week I will leak the final character’s entry and eventually the series title. UGH! Something white just splattered on my shoulder… There’s some serious fly-arrhea going on in this office. I’m going to make like a PC and open my Windows.

TTYW,

Lisi

Comments

  1. Happy birthday, Julia.

  2. Happy Birthday Julia!

    And I’m confused, is lily pregnant for reals or no?

  3. HBD Julia. 🙂
    I was like “WHAT” at the beginning thinking “A pregnant character? And she’s a teen? What.” But then I read along. Thank Goodness. Keep up the good work Lisi! I think you’ll think of a good title soon! 🙂

  4. I’m so excited for this book!

    Now if I can only make time to read something that isn’t a “classic” that’d be great. Four English classes senior year was a bit ambitious and it’s made it hard to read books I wasn’t assigned!

  5. Wow!! I was like not breathing when I read the beginning entry “WWHHAATT?!!” Bu then I read the one at midnight and I was finally able to breathe!! Good job Lisi!!

  6. I feel like all the comments for now on are going to be like “omg lisi my birthday iz on june 9th can i have a shout out plz??? and by the way love the entry! when is the next clique movie comin out?!? i want to know! and can you cont the clique? its myu fave series evar!”

    But that may just be me expecting that. Loved the entry, Lisi. Happy birthday, Julia. Everyone have a lovely rest of the week and a good weekend.

    LLAP,
    Arianna

    • purpleowl16 says:

      yeah I wish the clique was continued too…
      At least there’s a spin off….

    • No, I agree with you. But I shouldn’t be talking, considering my lack of comments these past weeks. I’ve been reading, just not posting….

  7. purpleowl16 says:

    Yay !
    You are really witty Lisi 🙂
    !!!

  8. purpleowl16 says:

    Your Chihuahua looks scary Lisi,
    I’m kinda scared of dogs ever since a miniature poodle bit my ( Achilles’) heel in kindergarten.
    Kindergarten is a German word, go figure.
    P.S., Its my B-Day today too, Julia!
    But I’m 3 years younger.

  9. I, like everyone else, was like “whaaaaaaat?” when I read the first part.
    But I said it in a Manfred voice.
    From Aventure Time “Slumber Party Panic”
    In a Finn hat.
    Like a neeeerd.
    I love being a nerd.

    She seems like an awesome character. I like the whole making-up-that-she’s-pregnant-to-freak-out-her-mom-if-she-read-her-journal thing. If I was assigned one, I would have probably have just covered it in doodles. Haha. I basically do that with my math journal already 😛
    I was gonna say something else but I forgot 😛 lol

  10. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh.Oh my gosh. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! This is absolutely the coolest thing EVER! Oh my gosh!!!! Thank-you everyone! Except I’m confused. How did you figure out it was my Birthday? This is so amazing. I love this picture. OMG!! I am freaking out right now. You took time, Lisi! :))
    This is the best. The best!
    You are my favorite author. No joke.
    Julia
    P.S. I am turning 13, not 16 😀

  11. Shaila Gottlieb says:

    Hey Lisi…you always krack me up!

    Can’t wait to read the no-name book! You look like Alfred Hitchcock meets yellow bird…love the one perched on your finger!!

    Love mom

  12. ^_^ I wonder what would happen if you leaked an entry for every one of your followers’ birthdays… could we get the whole book out?

    Karb, Kalorie and Kardio 😛 Haha.

  13. http://thetexastrekkie2.blogspot.com/2013/01/gday-mates.html
    I have a new blog post which is really a plea of help from Aussies, so if you’re from the land down under, can you come save me from failing my creative writing class?

  14. ok.

  15. GAS POWERED STIICK! NEVER RUNS OUT OF GAS!!!!! Haha I love Bravest Warriors. Everything Pendleton Ward touchs is epic awesomeness

  16. lisi,
    your writing cracks mw up:) can’t wait for the “nameless novel” to come out! ill be the first one to buy it!
    xox
    kat

  17. Lisi, you seriously had me going, I’m not joking. I was in the car coming home from volleyball practice while reading this, and I was having an inner spazz attack when I saw the second entry. So needless to say, I loved it. Loooved it.
    Hope your week is a wonderful!(And everyone elses too! 🙂 )

  18. Lisi you look so gorgeous in that photo!

  19. Happy birthday j! oh and nice windows pun lol

  20. Me: I majorly ship Bubbline in Adventure Time!
    Friends: What’s shipping and who’s Bubbline?
    Me: *Face horse*

  21. Hi Lisi! I feel bad that I don’t comment very often, I guess I just don’t know what to say on here. But anyway I wanted to let you know I read the Blah-g every week and am loving the entries! I can’t wait to read more!
    -Mira

  22. Loved the entry, Lisi. I was starting to think this Lily character was psycho until I read the Lily 2.0 version. Ha, kemistree.

    You know, after reading all of your character entries (so far), I think I like Lily’s the best (and not just because her and I share the same name, just spelt differently). I feel like she is the most in-depth so far.

    Good luck with coming up with a new name for ex. Phoenix Five!

  23. I love the fake journal entry that was a cute idea, gave me a good laugh!

  24. I’m addicted to wattpad.
    http://www.wattpad.com/user/Vamp0Gurrl

  25. Comments are soooo sloooow! Where are all of y’all? What’s up?

  26. Ok, lets get these comments going!

    10 Random questions for y’all to answer:
    1.What’s your weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse?
    2. which is better: bacon vs chocolate
    3. what book/cartoon character would you eat their lips off if they were real?
    4.Would you want to eat fried butter?
    5. Have you ever cosplayed? Do you plan on ever cosplaying?
    6. What are you most like: a unicorn with laser vision, a dinosaur with a pink mohawk, a flying ninja hamster, or a donut with a mustache?
    7. The age old question: Grumpy cat vs Garfield, who rocks the frown harder.
    8. Are you wearing a hat?
    9. What color does your voice sound like?
    10. Which is better, a candy corn vampire or a vampire with braces?

    Lol I just came up with those off the top of my head. It was hard. So answer them all and junk. If you even read this. I mean comments are so slow! I don’t know if y’all are even reading them at this point!

    • My answers:

      1. A blanket so I can wear it like a cape.
      2 chocolate covered bacon or bacon on a cupcake
      3.Finn the human
      4. YES
      5. I am with my friend soon
      6. Unicorn with laser vision, duh
      7. Tard is awesome, so grumpy cat
      8. Yes
      9.Gamboge
      10. Vampire with braces

  27. guys!!! sorry i havent commented much but i have read every single blah-g:) so im taking part in this interschool contest, and they have an online voting round. to help me win please please please open this link and like and SHARE the picture!! http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=513315392041409&set=a.513202945385987.120699.490696710969944&type=1&theate lovelove:) it would help sooo much xoxo<3:)

  28. 1.What’s your weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse? fire, a gun, invisibility cloak
    2. which is better: bacon vs chocolate: chocolate!!
    3. what book/cartoon character would you eat their lips off if they were real? Peeta, Harry Potter, Landon from a walk to remember, John from Dear John
    4.Would you want to eat fried butter? I would try it, not really want to
    5. Have you ever cosplayed? Do you plan on ever cosplaying? No
    6. What are you most like: a unicorn with laser vision, a dinosaur with a pink mohawk, a flying ninja hamster, or a donut with a mustache? probs a flying ninja hamster but i do love unicorns
    7. The age old question: Grumpy cat vs Garfield, who rocks the frown harder. this is hard… idk grumpy? sorry garfield!
    8. Are you wearing a hat? no
    9. What color does your voice sound like? yellow or green
    10. Which is better, a candy corn vampire or a vampire with braces? candy corn vampire

  29. Agh I’m home early sick. 😦

  30. 10 Random questions for y’all to answer:
    1.What’s your weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse? UMMMM MY FEET???
    2. which is better: bacon vs chocolate NOT A QUESTION CHOCOLATE!!
    3. what book/cartoon character would you eat their lips off if they were real? MICHAEL FROM PRINCESS DIARIES, HARRY POTTER, CHRISTOPHER FROM AIRHEAD, BATMANN, AND MORE…..
    4.Would you want to eat fried butter? NOOOOOO
    5. Have you ever cosplayed? Do you plan on ever cosplaying? PROBS NOT
    6. What are you most like: a unicorn with laser vision, a dinosaur with a pink mohawk, a flying ninja hamster, or a donut with a mustache? NINJA HAMSTER MAYBEE
    7. The age old question: Grumpy cat vs Garfield, who rocks the frown harder. GARFIELDDDD
    8. Are you wearing a hat? NOOOOOO
    9. What color does your voice sound like? WELLL MAYBE LIGHT PINK
    10. Which is better, a candy corn vampire or a vampire with braces? NEITHERRRR

  31. yay everyone’s answering my questions!

  32. Wouldn’t it be epic if Lisi answered my 10 random questions? I’d be curious to see her answers.

  33. Gasp! Can’t wait for the new series! Happy Birthday Miss Julia! I feel super old now though, and it won’t be my birthday until later. BUT! I am leaving for Ghana as a student teacher round my birthdate, super excited!

  34. My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was
    entirely right. This post truly made my day.
    You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information!
    Thanks!

  35. “HAPPY BIRD-DAY! – Lisi Harrison” truly
    enables myself imagine a somewhat further.
    I actually enjoyed each and every single portion of this post.
    Thanks for your time ,Alfred

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