HAPPY BIRD-DAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!!!! I’ve been trilling happy birthday so much that the birds–mistaking me for one of them–have gathered. See?

Photo on 1-16-13 at 3.32 PM

In honor of your sixteenth thirteenth birthday, I will leak another journal entry from the formerly-named-soon-to-be-renamed-Phoenix-Five. Meet Lily Bader-Huffman.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011.

Here are the headlines: My name is Lily, I turn fifteen next month, and I am eating for three. Wait, I think it’s four if you count me, and ready for this, Mom and Dad are klueless kuz I still look way-skinny thanks to Karess.

Not only is Karess an educated personal trainer slash DJ on Sundays, he is the father of my triplets. Oh, and he’s all into spelling C words with K’s so now I am too.

Back to my skinnyness.

Karess recommended protein bars and energy drinks to keep the baby weight off and ready for this: Five months pregnant and I’ve already lost 11 pounds. Kan you believe?

Once I “show” we’ll Greyhound it to L.A. and open a gym called Kut. It will kost a million dollars to join so we kan get rich in one day. Karess wants to name the kids Karb, Kalorie, and Kardio. Luv it. Luv him. Luv the kreativity.

School is for unpregnant losers. Like what’s the point of this journal assignment if I’m going to open a gym? Also my hand is shaking kuz I’ve had seven energy drinks on an empty stomach. Well, empty of food, not triplets. Point is it’s hard to write.

Klass is over! Next stop, kemistree.

 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011.

(Midnight)

I left my journal on the kitchen table for six whole hours. Mom made two attempts to bust the lock, first at 4:27 PM and again at 7:19 PM, but she couldn’t guess my combo (A.D.’s b-day). Even if she did, and then managed to hide the clues, I’d know. That fake entry about Karess would shock her blind. She’d start circling the living room like a mad cow; slamming into bookcases, knocking over newspaper stacks, tripping on lamp cords. Believe me, I’d know.

Thanks to this sturdy locking mechanism, I can be free. Free to discover the real Lily Bader-Huffman. Not the A+ student, with the hot male best friend, who has been home-schooled for eight years. The one who is forming beneath her. Growing like a shadow. Faceless and distorted; elongating and reaching; determined to make her secret dream come true. Determined to be normal and popular and kissed by—

Uh-oh…footsteps.

❤ Lily Bader-Huffman version 2.0

Next week I will leak the final character’s entry and eventually the series title. UGH! Something white just splattered on my shoulder… There’s some serious fly-arrhea going on in this office. I’m going to make like a PC and open my Windows.

TTYW,

Lisi

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