Last month, on Saturday, June 2, I spent the afternoon working on my new middle-grade novel and I was in the zone. Deep, deep, deep. Yes, I heard sirens and the whirring blades of the helicopters, but did they register? No. No, they did not.

The fifteen years I spent living in NYC had dulled my senses to those sounds. The fifteen years I spent writing and blocking out distractions, dulled them even further. So, it literally took a call from the police, followed by a megaphone announcement outside my house to let me know that my hood was on fire and I had to evacuate immediately. 

While my neighbors stuffed their SUVs with photo albums, passports, non-perishables, clothes, and tax documents, I grabbed my laptop, my dog, eye glitter and the two bathing suits I bought earlier that week because we all know how hard it is to find good suits. And that was it. I was out.

As I drove down the hill, oddly calm despite the bruise-colored smoke cloud building behind me, I realized that everything I owned might burn. And the weird part was, I was fine with it. Like, sociopath fine. I even got a tad self-righteous about it because I, Lisi Harrison, obsessive online shopper, had transcended materialism.

Cut to my recent trip to El Capitan. No, not the one in Yosemite. That place requires gear and an appetite for roughing it. This El Cap is an hour north of LA. Just off Pacific Coast Highway. It has cabins, indoor plumbing, a gourmet market, and s’mores kits. If ever there was a time to transcend materialism it would have been then. But no. For my two night stay, I brought: $200 worth of snacks,

three fold-up chairs, solar-powered lights, bug spray, hairspray, cooking spray, surfboards, beach towels, books, chargers, board games, essential oils, cold medicine (just in case), Ugg boots, sneakers, flip-flops, winter clothes, summer clothes, and a bunch of other clothes I never wore.

Does this mean that in a crisis I know what matters and what doesn’t,  but day to day I’m a glutton who has fallen for the trappings of consumerism? I’d really like to unpack this a little more but an Ikea truck just pulled into my driveway. My new outdoor furniture is here.

Happy Fourth of July!! Happy belated Canada Day!!! God bless firefighters. Be good to each other. Pack light, but smart (then tell me how you did it).

xoxo Lisi

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Didn’t You Love It??  Well, that may have been the funniest Smart Women event we’ve ever had – thanks to our smart, inspiring and hilarious guest speaker, author Lisi Harrison! Networking. Shopping with our Hanger Boutiques. Being inspired by an amazing message from Lisi about being yourself – and more importantly – letting others be themselves, too.

We were so pleased to see lots of new faces at the event and to be able to honor our volunteers, who dedicate nearly 41,000 hours to Working Wardrobes each year. Their tireless efforts keep us on track to help 5,000 clients annually, so we thank them for all they do! If you’re not already a member, Mary and I would love to have you join Smart Women. As you heard from Dean’s moving story at the event, miracles happen at Working Wardrobes every day – and we hope you will take Shaheen’s wise counsel and support that mission with us. We create a great opportunity to network with other professional women and hear some amazing speakers. Since we began, Smart Women members have raised over $160,000 for Working Wardrobes to empower men, women, young adults and Veterans to confidently enter the workforce. Your choice to become a member today will help us serve even more clients in 2018. Become a Smart Woman And don’t forget Lisi’s offer – if you have a book club and you read her book, The Dirty Book Club, she will come to your meeting, with wine in tow! The book comes out in paperback on May 22nd – contact Laguna Beach Books  to get a copy autographed and personalized by Lisi herself, then shipped to you! P.S. Smart Women members also get a 20% discount to shop at The Hanger Boutiques. Now that’s really smart!!

We hope you will join us in changing lives! Jerri Rosen CEO/Founder Working Wardrobes Mary McCarthy Smart Women Advisory Council Chair

Contact Us Working Wardrobes 1851 Kettering Street Irvine, California 92614 (714) 210-2460 info@workingwardrobes.org

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Lisi: No, why?

Massie: Because you’ve been slacking!

I know, I have been slacking on my posts. I am so sorry. March was a rogue month and my routine was its casualty. But I am back and ready to give my unsolicited take on life as I see it. Oh, and my excuse for not posting last week? I was visiting my dad in Florida without my laptop. I wanted to be present and come home with a tan. I accomplished both.

One humid evening over wine and Ruffles, I asked dad to describe each of his kids using one word only. He rolled his eyes and asked for another topic. I poured more wine and begged. Here’s what he said:

My brother: Bandit. (His way of saying a warm-hearted rascal.)

My sister: Perfect. (Oh, yes he dzid. But he’s right. She really never got into trouble once.)

Me: Character. (His way of trying to sound positive.)

Of course, I wanted specifics. He reminded me of my eclectic style and how he once said,  “Stay out as late as you want tonight. No one is going to attack you in that outfit.”  Then the private school that wanted to kick me out because they thought I couldn’t handle the material. “They were the morons, not you.” Then, the fact that I quit my executive job to become a writer. “You’ve always been…different. The way you see things. The way you say things… there’s no one like you.”

Me: “In other words, I’m a weirdo.”

Dad smiled with pride and said, “Yes.”

Beaming, I took it the way he wanted me to take it; as the biggest compliment ever. I want to stand out. I want to be different. I want to see the world through my weirdo lens and then share that view with you. And I want you to share your unique views with me. That’s how advancements are made. That’s how art is created. That’s what makes conversation stimulating. Fitting in is the wrong goal. Fitting in means selling out. It means giving up the thing that makes you special. It’s returning a gift.

I am beyond grateful to my parents for not judging me or trying to change me. They had enough confidence in themselves, and me, to accept me for who I was. That acceptance gave me the confidence I need to take chances, to fail, to dust myself off, to laugh at myself, and to show up every day and write things that you may or may not like.

These days, I see middle school kids betray their true natures to fit in. I see high school kids overdosing and killing each other because the pain that comes with being different is too much to handle. And I see parents who are micromanaging their kids’ social lives, appearances, and hobbies to make sure they fit in and don’t get left behind. In doing so, they are sanitizing unique souls and obstructing our views.

The goal should be acceptance, not fitting in. Weirdoes of the world UNITE!

xoxo Lisi

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Got any advice for people who are in a life block? I’m currently going through this inner crisis where I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. As of right now, I’m in high school and although I know I don’t need to have it all figured out, I’m scared I am not doing enough and I won’t be able to go to a good college or have a job. Did you ever feel like this?

-Zara

Did I ever feel like this? Um, no. But not because I was an overachiever.

High School did not bring out the best in me. I was a triangle peg being jammed into a square hole. My grades were terrible, I went to summer school instead of summer camp, my parents wouldn’t let me get my drivers license because of said grades, and I had zero extra-curricular activities. I put the ‘less’ in ‘hopeless.’ But I did do one thing right. I always honored my inner voice. And that voice told me that my time would come. I had no idea how or when. I just had to trust it and do what I love in the meantime. So I wrote short stories instead of watching TV. I taught myself to type. And I hosted a style show from my bedroom called: How To Put Cool Outfits Together When You Don’t Have Cool Clothes. Thankfully this pre-dates cellphones and YouTube so the proof is not in the pudding or anywhere else. The point is, none of these silly activities got me into college. But they did speak to my interests and those interests became my career. And the whole style-show thing? I used it in The Clique. Remember Alicia Rivera’s imaginary talk show?

Worrying that you’re ‘not doing enough’ is keeping you from reaching your goals. (See the irony there?) And where did you even learn that you should worry? From other worried people, that’s where. Your fear is a manifestation of all the insecurity around you. You were taught to feel this way. So unlearn it. Now. Fear stands for Future Emergency Already Realized because, duh,

the things you’re afraid of aren’t even happening right now. And who knows what you’ll be dealing with in five years? The only thing you can be sure of is that you don’t have clue. And why worry when you don’t know what to worry about?

I get that you’re growing up in high-pressure times. Competition is fierce and you have to keep up. And I get that stress-related syndromes have become badges of honor. But I also get what it takes to be successful and a lot of that requires an unwavering ability to pursue what makes YOU come alive, even if it goes against the grain. Want to know how many people thought I should quit my safe executive position at MTV to pursue a career in writing? I’ll tell you how many. One. And that was me. Everyone else thought it was too risky. And it was. But if I wanted a career in safety I would have become a police officer.

It’s time to silence the outside noise so you can hear what your inner voice is trying to say. That’s the only voice you should be listening to because its the one that knows what’s right for you. So ask that voice what will make you light up today. When it tells you, act. That action will lead you to the next action which will lead you to the next action and that’s how you’ll find it. Stress and pressure will chase it away.

We are all on different journeys and we get there at different times. I didn’t find my groove until my mid-20s and I didn’t start writing professionally until my mid-30s. We’re like watched pots. We boil when we’re good and ready.

Xoxo Lisi.

Look! All that underachieving and I made it to college!!

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Oprah’s declaration haunted me well into Tuesday. Not because it was so spot on, but because it felt off. Sure if speaking one’s truth means owning your true nature and living without shame, I’m all for it.

But isn’t that living a truth?

Speaking one’s truth means articulating what is true for you. And that’s not always appropriate. If I spoke my truth all the time the “powerful tool” I’d get would be a tire iron to the skull.

When it comes to truth-speaking, the real tool is discretion. Or timing. Or delivery. Or tact. Or maybe it’s not speaking at all. Maybe that tool is knowing when to shut up. To that point, last week Kiana posted this cry for help on my site:

Lisi, how do I know when to draw the line between being honest and sounding like a complete jerk?
A lot of people take my honesty really offensively and think I’m trying to bash them. For example, I was out at dinner recently and some acquaintances asked me if I liked the dish they were having. I told them it looked disgusting. Apparently I was “indirectly” insulting them on purpose…

Kiana, my friend, I can relate. For decades, sass and raw honesty were my cards and I played them often. When I did, I got laughs and assumed everyone knew I was joking. After all, I would never intentionally hurt anyone. Truly. I wrote the Clique series because I loathe brats and bullies, not because I worship them. So imagine my surprise when I hurt someone’s feelings. Forget it. Don’t imagine it. Just trust me when I tell you. I was SURPRISED (yep, the all-caps kind).

I’ve since learned to temper my truth. Not to live a lie–GAWD no–but to ask myself if speaking up will do more harm than good. Meaning: if you say someone’s food looks disgusting (your truth) it will diminish their truth (this food looks amazing) and guess who look’s like the arse?

So Kiana and Oprah, ask yourself these questions next time you want to speak:

1. Will speaking my truth have a positive impact on the person I am speaking it to? Do they need to hear this or am I being judgmental and controlling?
2. Will speaking my truth have a positive impact on me?
3. Will speaking my truth have a positive impact on my community?

If your answer is “no,” don’t speak. Silently acknowledge that said truth is yours, then tell it to your journal.

xoxo Lisi

(Wait, did I just speak my truth?)

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Kyla doesn’t want to give up on her friend, but wants her to change. Kiana wants to know what to do if this person is a relative. And Elizabeth’s boyfriend would be so amazing if only he was totally different.

These three ladies, along with the rest of us who allow toxic people to poison our lives, have an addiction. An addiction to potential. We see the potential in someone and cling to that fantasy vision with everything we have. We’re certain that they will become the rom-com rehabilitated version of themselves if we give them more time. More patience. More guidance. More forgiveness. And when they don’t we make excuses for them. Or worse, we blame ourselves.

Why?

Because we don’t have the courage to blame them. Blaming them means acknowledging that this relationship is completely out of our control. For it to improve the other person has to make changes and we kinda know they won’t. After all, change is hard and uncomfortable. And most people aren’t up for that.

Are you?

I certainly hope so because changing YOUR behavior is the only way to improve this situation. Here are three ways:

1. When you find yourself obsessing over another person’s behavior think F.O.M. It stands for Focus On Me. (Not me, you.) Stop thinking about them immediately and get back to what you’re doing. Be where your feet are. Why? Because you are the only thing you can control.

2. Think like a 12-stepper. (Not the county line dancers, the anonymous alcoholics). You see, they have a little something called The Serenity Prayer and it works wonders to help you understand what is yours to take on and what is not.

Grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. 

Translation: If your mom hates your outfit that’s her problem. Let it go. If you hate your outfit, change it. Know what you can control and what you can’t. If you can control it, make it better. If you can’t, delete from cart. Which leads me to my next point…

3. You are NOT responsible for other people’s happiness. You can’t make someone happy. Sure, you can try, but only they can decide if it’s going to work. The reverse is also true. Happy is self-generated. It’s like eating and peeing. No one can do it for you.

If you take these three tips to heart and really integrate them into your life I promise you will feel better. Actually, I can’t promise that. It’s all up to you.

TTYW,

Lisi

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A few years ago, I was having one of my many panic attacks while trying to finish one of my many books before one of my many deadlines. Not one to wallow in my own suffering, I looked for help and found Candice. I’m sure I’ve written about her before. She is a life coach and really helped me look at my stresses in a new way so I could manage them. One of my biggest issues was Life vs. Work. As a writer, you really need to enter what I call The Cone Of Silence and stay there for many straight hours.

There are no texts inside the cone. No phone calls. No e-mails. No paying bills. No online shopping. No visits from friends. No doing dishes. No haircuts. No waxes. No mani’s or pedi’s. No reading. No listening to music with lyrics. No helping old people or ducklings cross the road.

It’s a cone.

A silent one.

And there’s only room for me.

So when do all those other things get done? Not on the weekends. The weekends are for my kids. Not at night. That’s when I decompress. Candace’s suggestion? Create one non-writing day every week–preferably the same day–and make it about your to-do list.

I made mine Wednesdays. And I’m so in love with it I want to marry it. This is the day I do all the other stuff that life’s vomiting in my face, and it’s worked incredibly well.

Another thing I recently discovered is Intent.com

The website was created by Mallika Chopra (yes, daughter of Deepak, but she is so much more). She wrote a book called Living With Intent that has brought so much meaning to my life. For those of you who are inundated with exams and not quite ready for a summer reading list, I suggest you join the website and get the app. It’s a game-changer.

Taking a moment to think about what you want each day really helps you get it. It’s so simple and so effective. And it doesn’t have to be spiritual or deep in any way. Look for mine, you’ll see. It can be about anything–no one judges. In fact, everyone supports.

You can also:

* Share your intents with other community members.
* Receive encouraging comments on your intents.
* Show your support for other people’s intents.
* Adopt other people’s intents that you can relate to.
* Sync your account with Twitter and Facebook so that your intents are automatically shared with your Twitter and Facebook friends.
* Reaffirm you intents every day so you stay on top of your goals.
* Track the intents that you completed or accomplished.
* Add inspirational or informational photos and videos to your intent.

Let me know when you’re on so I can follow you.

I intend to TTYW,

Lisi

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Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I am super shy and quiet with people I don’t know well yet. It’s BAD. The worst part is that the guy I like is really shy too and now I’m wondering if I have zero chance with him if he also thinks I’m intimidating. Can you give me any tips on how to seem more approachable? Help!
~ Em

Dear Em,

 

Nothing new is easy at first. Greatness of any kind begins with a goal. Then we do the hard, uncomfy work required to reach it. That’s what my latest series, Pretenders is all about. Confidence is one of those qualities that grows as you exude it. Soon what you once pretended you now possess.

I’m not suggesting you wake up tomorrow, charge into school all smiles and personality. Just take tiny steps each day toward your goal and before you know it that ice block will melt into a cube, then a puddle, and in time the whole darn thing will evaporate.  When it does, Em, please send it to California. We need the rain.

TTYW,

Lisi

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Why limit spring cleaning to your closet when you can tidy up your tired old attitude too? I mean, sulking is so last season.CLEAN OUT YOUR HEARTStill obsessing over that boy who ended up dating someone else? Make like a rainbow and get over it. There are reasons why relationships don’t work out. What good came of him not choosing you? And don’t say, “nothing.” Come up with five good things and then read them every morning before you start your day. Think of all the new people you can fit in that heart of yours once the barnacles are out and you’ve made space.DECLUTTER YOUR GRUDGESBlowout or betrayal with a good friend this year? Grudges only punish the one holding them. Imagine carrying around two suitcases—no wheels—filled with bricks. Wait, you don’t have to imagine it. You’ve been lugging those things around for months and it’s painful. Go dump those bricks in front of you ex-friend’s house, ring the doorbell then run away. Notice how fast you move without all that extra weight?SWEEP YOUR ENVY ASIDEEnvy is a dusty feeling that keeps us from seeing clearly. So let me clear things up. We’re all flawed. We’re all fortunate. Focus on the fortunate. Yep, that simple.FILE AWAY YOUR FEAR

When was the last time you let fear of failure stop you from doing something you wanted to do? You can’t eliminate fear completely but you can be courageous and do the scary thing anyway. Failure doesn’t hurt half as much as regret. Failure makes us stronger and shines a light on where we need to focus our energy. Regret is pointless. It shackles us to the past and reminds us that we used to be wuss-bags.Don’t be a wuss-bag this spring. Start cleaning so you can spring forward into summer and beyond!TTYW,
Lisi

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“There’s a lid for every pot out there.”

“It happens when you’re least expecting it.”

“It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find him.”

“Your Prince Charming will come.” 

Single ladies across the Internet are outraged over a twitter exchange between Taylor Swift and newly engaged Lady Gaga. Here’s what went down:

   Some are saying how sweet Lady Gaga was, but most think that if her words were boots they’d be SMUGG BOOTS. (Forgive me, Father. It’s been hours since my last pun.) Personally, I think…actually I don’t think that much about it at all. And I don’t think Lady did either. My guess is that she expressed her appreciation in 140 characters then moved on to the ten billion other things on her I Do List. But the debate does bring up a good point. The idea that a girl’s life is not complete until she meets her Prince Charming is a royal bunch of b.s. After years of marriage most of them end up looking like frogs.  

Wanting to become someone’s other half, simply for the sake of it is insane. It’s also frighteningly accurate because many women complain about “losing themselves” over the course of their relationships. If you ask me, the single ones–the girls who are holding onto themselves instead of holding out for someone else–should be dolling out advice to those coupling up. “Hang in there. You won’t always have to compromise. He’ll go out of town eventually. You can make your own choices then.” Or “Girls Night Out will be more meaningful when it happens once a month as opposed to every weekend.” And “There’s nothing like sharing a bed with a snorer to remind you you’re not alone.”  

Old school Bynes never lets me down.

TTYW,

Lisi                        

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