Dudes: So Simple They’re Confusing.

I recently received the following crush question from a girl named Maureen:

Lisi, I went on a date with this boy two months ago. Super fun, we got along great,

 but then he never asked me out again. Then out of the blue, he messaged me and asked if I wanted to go to the beach. I said yes and it was great. He ended up holding my hand and then we cuddled. A few days later I texted him and he never responded. I’m confused and so hurt. I feel dumb for liking him and thinking he liked me.🙁 Anyway, I’m pretty sad about this and I want to know how to get over him or just hear your thoughts. You really do give great advice! Thanks 🙂

-Maureen 

Oh, Maureen, we’ve all been there. The situation sucks so feeling sucky is an appropriate reaction. But do not feel “dumb”. It’s not your fault. His behavior was so simple it was confusing. You see, simple is not a language we girls speak well. To prove it, I’m going to explain using an analogy instead of being straightforward.

Boys are like calculators and girls are like smartphones. Our internal processors are completely different. So for starters, don’t assume this guy thinks like you do. He doesn’t. He is far more basic. If he is giving you mixed signals it’s because he’s unsure of how he feels. There are a million reasons why and I bet you’ve identified at least 900,000 of them. Maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he fears intimacy. Maybe he’s insecure or intimidated or shy. But does the “why” really matter? The bottom line is he’s not consistent and it’s bumming you out. You want more and he’s not delivering. You are not happy and that’s what matters here. Too many times we obsess over why we might not be good enough for a certain guy and forget to ask ourselves if he’s good enough for us.

In times like these, I find the first stanza of the Serenity Prayer to be helpful. Not because I am religious, but because I am a female who is dead tired of being upset that guys don’t behave the way I want them to.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

–Reinhold Niebuhr

In other words, nothing you do will change him. All you can do is change yourself.

So stop wasting energy on him. It will deplete your battery and leave you feeling dead inside. You need a dude who makes you feel appreciated. You’ll know you’ve found him when you no longer need to rationalize his confusing behavior. I’m not saying you are a light switch that can turn off your feelings. A crush is called a crush because the relationship can be crushing. So give the wound time to heal and then get back out there and find someone simple. Simple but not confusing. 

xoxo Lisi

7 Comments

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  • Kiana says:

    Lisi,

    I enjoyed this post. That is so true though that guys are so simple, they’re complicated or confusing. But what if you have a crush, he does everything right, but it turns out you yourself did something to turn him away?

    P.S. I didn’t realise your blog posts changed to Thursday.

    • Lisi Harrison says:

      I’ve been really bad with my posts. I’m sorry. It’s been a busy time. I’m trying to get back to a routine.

      If you did something to turn him away talk to him about it. If he won’t or can’t come back from it then he’s not the guy for you. In life, we will screw up many times. You need someone who loves you no matter what.

      • maliyah says:

        Hello Lisi, I went on a date with my boyfriend Ashton but I’m not sure if he liked it. He seemed to laugh and stuff but I’m questioning him after all I feel in the dark.
        xo, Maliyah

  • Arianna says:

    This is really good advice. Throughout my years (all 24 of them! So much wisdom obviously!) I usually avoided dating because I was too busy doing me to worry about them. Sure I would get lonely and go through the “Why doesn’t anyone love me??!?” phase, but would pull myself back out of it and get back to the work and school grind. I’ve always had the mindset that I would be alone, therefore I had to be successful on my own. I didn’t have time for games so as soon as a guy would start to play one, I exited and moved on. This meant being single until I was 21. Then I started a guy who texted back, who made time for me, and never made me second guess myself. He became my best friend. We got married in October and we work so well together because we’re still improving ourselves and focusing on our own futures, but we lean on and support one another. So, in short, focus on you and being the boss you’re destined to be and don’t worry about boys. The right one will come along AND he’ll always text back.

    • Lauren says:

      Arianna, that’s a really good story about your love life. I enjoyed reading it. It’s defintely important to focus on you and it’s funny how things start to happen out of the blue and you never know when that guy will come into your life and make it better. Your story is so relatable to mine because like 2 years ago I was in a spot where I just focused on my education and basically myself and wanted to be successful. That was my whole mindset. Nothing really happened till after I moved. But I was way more ready financially and got my education completed. Then I met a guy and we clicked. He was super impressed with what I accomplished and who I became. It’s defintely worth it to get your life together and share it with someone. And I feel like that was the missing part. Haha. Most guys aren’t worth it but the right one will see the potential that you have.

      Darn Lisi didn’t post today! Hopefully tomorrow 🙂

      • Lisi Harrison says:

        Another great story! I love it.

        I know I have sucked at posting lately. I’ve been overwhelmed and busy. Back to it today, I promise!

    • Lisi Harrison says:

      Arianna,
      Your comment brought a tear to my eye. I’m so glad you held out for the right guy. You sound like a great couple.

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