Q&A Archives - Lisi Harrison

Swift Recovery

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 01:23:49 +0000

Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I’m in 9th grade and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a month now, which is the longest relationship both of us have been in. For the last two weeks I’ve made him my #MCM but he still hasn’t made me his #WCW. The last #WCW he posted was a random model he likes, but shouldn’t he be posting about me by now? It makes me think he isn’t nearly as into this relationship as I am. What’s his deal?

xx Larissa

Larissa,

Let’s take a cue from Sheridan Spencer–a very insecure actress in my novel, Pretenders. When she needs guidance, Sheridan channels a celebrity. The idea is, if she acts like them she will become like them, and her troubles will melt away. The thing is, there are many different ways to handle your issue. You can put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. You can play games that–if played well–will show him how you feel. Or you can be cool and act like you don’t care one way or the other. So who’s a girl to channel? What single person can help you play out all three of these possibilities?

The problem is which Taylor should you be?

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR ONE: “You Belong To Me”

You feel slighted, insulted, and dissed. Your feelings are hurt and you’re not one to play games. You tell him exactly how you feel. If he loves you he’ll realize what he’s done, and a 3D collage of you will put his sad little #WCW of said model to shame. If he doesn’t love you, he will once he realizes how open you are about your feelings.

YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR TWO: “We Are Never Getting Back Together”

Are you seriously going to put up with that? Gawd, I hope not. So what’s the plan? You can’t do something predictable like replace his pic with a model’s. No, you’re going to #MakeHimSuffer. You’re going to #TeachHimALesson. You’re going to #MakeoutWithHisBestfriendRightInFrontOfHim. And then you’re going to #PostThat!

Not only will it teach him not to mess with you, it will teach the world not to mess with you either. Two birds, one stone. #Done.

OR YOU COULD BECOME TAYLOR THREE: “Shake It Off”

This Taylor would start by knowing her audience–a teenaged dude. Did you see the movie Grease? Did you see how Danny acted in front of Sandy when his buddies were around? Like he didn’t even know her. Why? Because he’s terrified of being made fun of by his bros. Immature as it may seem, guys are supposed to act tough. Sex is the ultimate; love is for wuss-bags. Does he believe this? No. Does he mean it when he tells you how much he likes you? Yes. Does he know he’s going to be berated if he IG’s about his crush? YES! But a hot model is safe. It shows his bros that he’s not wearing his heart on his sleeve (Get it, heart-on?) He’s just being a dude. If that’s the worst thing he does, let him get away with it. It means he’s acting his age. Accept it. He’s just channeling a typical teenaged boy.

If he’s mean to you, disrespectful, rude, or anything else that makes you question his true feelings, skip over Taylor one and become Taylor two. In the meantime, you could stop following him and stick to life in the third dimension. That’s where the real magic happens.

TTYW,

Lisi

PS. Because hash tagging is my style, my #WCW for the week is the first person to comment this post. Expect a shout out.

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Grit or Get Off The Pot

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 29 Jan 2015 19:16:02 +0000

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.” – William Gibson.

Have you ever shared your life’s grand plan with someone and in an instant your dreams were dashed with negativity? We all encounter discouraging naysayers on our path, but it’s particularly difficult to stay focused in reaching our goals when those closest to us can’t or won’t be our support system along the way. Danielle is experiencing this right now and commented about it on my Facebook page. Here’s her story: I’ve wanted to become a writer for quite some time. The only problem is my family doesn’t support me in my decision. They say things that really make me feel like I won’t be able to make it. I get tons of support at school with my teachers and I’m grateful for that, but my family makes jokes at my expense that make me feel self conscious for wanting to write. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t think I’ll be able to become a writer anymore. Any advice? People who try to talk you down from a dream are usually working from a place of fear. It isn’t necessarily their fault. They might be repeating discouraging words said to them long ago, or they might be too scared in their own life to follow their passion. It’s crucial that you keep this in mind. Remind yourself it’s their insecurity and like a virus, you will catch it if you don’t build up your immunity. Here’s how:

Shut them down.

Tell them to keep their negativity to themselves. If they keep this up you will never dedicate a novel to them. Ne-ver! You could also try giving them a taste of it. Crush their goals and dreams just for fun. See how they like it. Infect them with their own negativity. Then (wait for it…) write a short story about it. Everything you experience—better or worse—is material. At the very least take notes on their behavior. The sound of their voices when they judge. Their facial expressions. The sound of their laughter. Show them, with your writing, how antagonistic they are.

Become Boobs. Now Find Your Bra.

Like a pair of boobs you need support. So go find a few bras. By this I mean people who support you. Share your writing with the teachers who believe in you. Join or start a writing club. Become an online member of a writing community. Read about writers. Read about writing. Surround yourself with other people who share the vision. That’s the bug you want to catch.

Don’t dream it. Do it.

Right now writing is your dream, but you should make it your reality. Decide upon smaller tasks instead of focusing solely on the final work. Write them down, tack them up on a wall near your desk. Look at those reminder notes every morning and put at least one of them into effect. Maybe that means writing a short story, putting a book of poems together, completing specific writing exercises each week, studying two books on the craft per month. Your family will see you working at achieving your goal and hopefully will respect your vision more and more. Or they won’t. (See: Shut Them Down.) The most important thing a writer can have—more important that talent, skill, education—is GRIT! Stick with it. Thicken that skin. Shut out the noise. Cliche? Yes. But oh so true.

Now go kick some ass. TTYW, Lisi

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BEST FRIENDS FOR NEVER

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 20:20:00 +0000

Here’s what’s #trending right now in my inbox: BFF break-ups. The silent but deadly kind where you both wake up and are no longer following each other on Instagram. If you are female over the age of nine you know what I’m talking about. This is Kendra’s story:

Hi Lisi! I have a problem, maybe you can help. You always give the best advice. It’s about my best friend, now my ex-best friend. We met at work two years ago and became best friends fast but then I noticed that she always had a lot of free time and nobody else except me to fill it. She became really needy. Problem is, I have a TON of people in my life, friends I’ve had before her and then I got a boyfriend. I made sure to be available to her as much as I possibly could. She started making friends with another girl and tweeting about stuff “bad friends” do once they have boyfriends. We just started drifting apart fast and I kept hoping she would reach out to me or I would think about texting her just with “Hi” to see where things go, but I remember all the times she’s said mean things to me in the past and I’m not sure I want to go through that again. It really hurts me still and I wish something could be worked out, but now I think I feel resentment towards the whole thing because I don’t know what I did to make her act this way. Help!Love you! Kendra

Clap your hands if you can relate to Kendra’s story. Did you hear that thunder, Kendra? The entire female population is making some noise. This is the romantic-comedy formula for best friends. Girl has girl, girl gets boyfriend, girl loses girl… Cliche at this point.

Here are your options:

1) Go deep, Kendra, and ask yourself the hard question: Do I want this person as a friend?

Be honest with yourself. Do you miss her or the idea of having a best friend who worships you? Is she more trouble than she’s worth and is this “fight” more of a blessing than a curse? Is it a way for you to get rid of someone who brings you down? Aside from your hurt feelings has life been less complicated without her making you feel guilty and responsible for her feelings? If the answer is, “Yes, Lisi. As a matter of fact, I have been feeling better without her in my life because I don’t feel like I’m being punished for having a life.” Then stop here. Consider yourself lucky and continue to surround yourself with people who support you.

If you truly miss her, explore option #2.

2) You need to talk about this like your ancestors did—without screens, in person. Send a cute card. Yep—pen, paper, stamp, postal worker. Tell her you miss her. Tell her what you miss about her. Tell her you’d like to meet and talk about it in 3D. If she doesn’t respond she’s not the friend you thought she was and it’s done. If she does then go for it. Once you’re together take a moment and describe what it must feel like to be her. Tell her how you think she must be feeling about this fight. She will let you know if you’re right. Then ask her to tell you how you must be feeling. This allows both of you to feel this fight from the other person’s point of view. It helps. Trust me. Then ask her if she wants to make this work. If she says yes, put some new rules in place. What does she need to feel secure in your friendship? What do you need to feel unencumbered by her?

In a best case scenario you will redefine your friendship and come out stronger. Worst case, you’re done. Which means there’s an opening in your shopping cart for someone new and fantastic. Either way, you win.

TTYW,

Lisi

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Networking The Room

Lisi Harrison — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 20:19:51 +0000

Last week I mentioned one reader’s comment caught my attention. Here’s what Juliet asked:

Lisi, what is the best way to network? Especially if everyone in the room is richer/more accompished than you are? I’m about to go off to a fancy college and need to know how!

First, Juliet, you have to know what makes you valuable. To start, get the phrase “everyone in the room is richer/more accomplished than you” out of your noggin because people can sniff out insecurity and it smells like a dude’s locker room. Just because someone is rich doesn’t mean they’re better than you. One of my favorite quotes comes from Dorothy Parker: “If you want to know what God thinks about money, look at the people he gave it to.” Everyone in the room has value. Before you enter, figure out what yours is. Come from that place.

If your experience is limited, ask smart questions. People love talking about themselves. Ask them what they do, what they love about it, how they got into it… find common ground. “And there I was thinking I had the biggest collection of animal oil paintings. How can I see yours? Do you have a website or facebook page?”

Then follow up. Always follow up.

Make your goal to gather information. This is not the time to pitch yourself. No one wants to feel like they’re being played at a party. They want to feel like they’re fascinating you and that you have no agenda other than being fascinated. But be a detective. Remember names, gather contact information, and leave a good impression (read: limit alcohol, trust me.) Just when you think your brain and bladder are going to explode, excuse yourself and hit the latrine. Lock yourself in a stall and write down everything you remember. “Sarah just got promoted to VP of Marketing, her favorite part of the job is the free samples she gets from snack companies…”

Then follow up. Always follow up. Sprinkle those details into your correspondence. “Hi Sarah, it’s Juliet. We met at the Olive Garden. We were talking about our love of snack samples and all things marketing. I thought you should know a friend just slipped me a pack of chocolate chip gum. It’s not going to hit shelves until Spring 2016 but if you let me take you to coffee and pick your brain about (some specific marketing thing) I’ll save the last piece for you…”

Before you crash any corporate retreats, start small. Join clubs, ask a stranger where she got her boots, volunteer. Most networking these days happens through friends of friends, family, and social media connections. Start developing those relationships now so you have a base before you’re on the hunt for a job.

Maya Angelou says, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So make people feel good. Then follow up. Always follow up.

(start by following up to this post. Let’s see how you do.)

TTYW,

Lisi

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BFF or Bully?

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 02:17:16 +0000

Hi friends. I recently got a message from a fan that tugged at my heartstrings. She asked to remain anonymous and as I promise all those who send me confessions, I will happily grant her anonymity on today’s blah-g post.

But here’s the gist: Picture a clique at your school. One girl is the constant target, the one who the others relentlessly pick on. Maybe there’s an alpha girl in the group–the target’s BFF–who’s slinging all the insults and mean-spirited jokes. The target says she’s allowing it to happen because she sympathizes with the alpha girl and knows she is actually deeply insecure and these insults are a way for her to feel better about herself. But it’s gone on for too long, things have gone way too far, and the target can’t pretend she’s okay with their friendship dynamic any longer without suffering serious self esteem issues.

The target wants to make a change, but she doesn’t want to be mean or start a fight. She doesn’t want to offend the alpha by confronting her in the wrong way about this situation, but things have gotten hurtful and something has to be done. What if this girl was your friend, what would you advise her to do?

Dear Anon,

I can tell you’re a selfless person. What gave it away, you ask? You’ve been too nice to this girl. In this case, it might be that your good heart has allowed you to be taken advantage of by, as you wisely noted, a very insecure person who has chosen to take her insecurities out on you. It isn’t fair, but it’s a high school reality, and sadly the clique mentality can last throughout most people’s lives. It’s your job to stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve from friends–the same respect you are giving them. What’s not your job? Taking on the responsibility for your friend’s insecurities and suffering through emotional pain in order for her to feel better about herself. You have a great deal of compassion and understanding for your friend, and your intentions in allowing her to make you the target were coming from a good place, but BFFs don’t try to make each other feel badly, no matter the reason. This girl isn’t your BFF, she’s a bully.

It isn’t your fault she’s made you the target, but it’s your responsibility to show the people around you how you deserve to be treated. I hope you can find the nerve to stand up to this mean girl and know that there are ways you can do this without being mean yourself. You don’t need to play her game by throwing insults back her way, and you don’t need to stick your head in the sand hoping she’ll eventually stop and move onto bullying someone else in your group. At this point, she knows she can get away with it so you need to communicate that the behavior needs to end.

You can’t avoid having “the talk” with your friend. Keep it private, in person, and come from a calm place. Don’t yell or make underhanded remarks or else this mean girl will likely become defensive and this talk may escalate into a verbal fight. Adrenaline will be high at this point, but try to stay poised. Let your BFF know how much her comments and teasing have hurt you and that they need to stop. If you still care about saving the friendship, simply let her know that, adding you won’t be able to have the same friendship until she adjusts her behavior towards you. Do not let her make you feel like you’re making too big of a deal out of her teasing. Remember that BFFs do not make each other feel badly, no matter the reason.

If all goes well and your BFF is receptive, she will rightly apologize and make changes in how she treats you. If she doesn’t? You will have to find ways of separating yourself from her and sticking with the girls who truly have your back and care about your feelings. This can be tricky in a high school setting, but not impossible.

Anon, my heart goes out to you and I hope you decide to confront your friend about this issue. There is no reason you can’t have the friendships in your life that boost you up instead of tear you down, but it’s your responsibility to make that happen. You can do it. Good luck.

TTYW,

Lisi

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BOYS—SO SIMPLE THEY’RE CONFUSING

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 00:25:47 +0000

Lisi, you always give the best advice, and I really would love some right about now. So there’s this boy, of course, and two months ago we went on a date. Super fun, we got along great, but then he never asked me out again. Then out of the blue on Wednesday last week, he messaged me and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. So he came over on Friday and he ended up holding my hand and then we cuddled. It seemed like he really liked me! On Sunday, I texted him conversationally and he barely replied and when I replied, he never responded again. I’m confused and so hurt. Was he just using me? The thing is, one of my roommates knows him pretty well and says he’s a great guy so that makes it more confusing. Did I do something wrong? I feel dumb for liking him and thinking he liked me, because the way it seems to look now, he’s not interested. Anyway, I’m pretty sad about this and I want to know how to get over him or just hear your thoughts. You really do give great advice! Thanks

Kailee

Guys are so simple they’re confusing. We are the more complex gender and because of that we find it impossible to accept the fact that they are as basic as they are. Think of boys as calculators and girls as smartphones. Only they don’t calculate, they just are. And it drives us insane. In times like these I turn to the first stanza of the Serenity Prayer. Not because I am religious, but because I am a female who is dead tired of trying to make sense of boys.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

In other words you cannot change his behavior. All you can do is change your own.

Stop putting time and mental energy into him and save that space for yourself or someone new instead. Don’t let this guy string you along with another “movie night” text a month from now when he’s feeling lonely. Keep your head up and eyes out for a boy who makes you feel confident about your time spent together. You’ll know you’ve found him when you no longer have any perplexing questions about his behavior towards you.

I’m not saying you are a light switch that can turn off your feelings. A crush is called a crush because it can be crushing. But a guy who’s off and on like that isn’t going to make you happy—are you happy? No. So stop giving him the opportunity to make you sad and frustrated. Give the wound time to heal and then get back out there and fight for someone who’s worth it.

Amen.

If you want to know what boys really think about their crushes read Pretenders. Trust me.
TTYW,

Lisi

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An Alpha-Worthy Blah-g

Lisi Harrison — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 21:57:39 +0000

Hi friends. I’m on a kick to answer more of your writing questions this week. The lovely Alicia Rivera has asked for some tips on blah-ging. Here’s what she said:

Lisi,

Do you think there’s a way to spice up my blah-g writing? I’m not really sure where exactly I should go with it.

︎ Alicia

Alicia, I’m certainly no expert blah-ger, but I have committed to posting every week for my readers, no matter the circumstance (OK there has been the rare exception), so I’ve picked up a few tips along the way and learned what it means to be blah-g worthy. Here’s what works for me and what might help you with your own blah-g writing.

DECIDE WHAT KIND OF BLAH-G YOU WANT TO WRITE

What is your blah-g about? Is it based on sharing information or sharing more personal aspects about your life each week? Are you talking about fashion or hobbies or everything under the sun? There are all different kinds of blah-gs so this tip doesn’t need to be so narrow, but readers will want to come to your site and within a few moments understand what your blah-g is all about. Can they either learn something from it or be entertained or both? Find your blah-g “type” or brand, if you will, and be consistent. Which reminds me…

BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR POSTS!

A major part of developing a blah-g audience is to deliver when readers expect you to post. This allows people to keep your blah-g in mind and return each week for new content, and it’s a great way to develop your blah-g community. I’ve read blah-gers should set one day a week to put up new posts. Mine’s Wednesday. Yours could be Tuesday, or Thursday, or whichever day you choose so long as you post on that day each week. Don’t post more frequently than that unless you can truly commit to a few quality articles.

WRITE FOR YOURSELF FIRST

Choose topics that interest you, ones you can enthusiastically write about and genuinely want to explore or share with your readers. Don’t worry about whether or not anyone else reads your posts; eventually they will. But it takes time to grow your audience. Write about what excites you and that will translate into excited readers who care about your words. Be true to your voice. If you don’t know what that is just yet, you’ll be developing it each week the more you blah-g.

STAY ON THE PULSE OF NEW POST IDEAS

This is where things get tricky. I brainstorm each week with my office elf to decide what the next blah-g post will be. Sometimes it feels like I’ve already blah-ged about everything worth blah-ging about. It’s not true. There’s always a fresh way to look at a topic and it’s your job as the blah-ger to find it. A great way to write compelling posts is to engage with your social media network, keep tabs on any comments or tweets you’re getting, and pull out of those places topics your readers are interested in. They’ll let you know.

HEADLINES ARE EVERYTHING

They’re the first words people read, and often they’re the only words people will even see when sharing your posts on social media. So make your headlines catchy and intriguing. Make them click-worthy and readers will know you’re blah-g worthy.

Lastly, KEEP GOING! Building a strong blah-g takes time and practice. Don’t give up because your follower count isn’t where you expect it to be. Be good to the readers you have and give them blah-g love whenever possible. More will come.

Hope that helps!

TTYW,

Lisi

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Don’t Rush the Crush

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 18 Sep 2014 03:04:43 +0000

Not even my looming Dirty Book Club deadline can keep me from responding to all of your Q&A submissions, except for possibly overlooking them in the comments section. I’ve answered my way through most of your questions (can you believe it?), but if I’ve somehow skipped yours, comment it below so I can give you the attention you deserve.

Today’s blah-g post goes out to Kiki. Here’s what she asked:

Dear lisi,
Lisi you always give the best advice… So I’m having some boy trouble.
There is this guy at my school who I have liked for a while and I just realized that he and one of my friends have a ‘thing’ going on, he likes her and she likes him. And so I’m trying to move on and there is this other guy in my school who is continuously flirting with me and everyone thinks he likes me. So Like any other teenage girl I’m following the advice from all the cliche high school movies where the girl was so obsessed with one guy that she didnt see the perfectly good one standing right in front of her, and I refuse to be one if those girls. So I WOULD totally make a move for it if this guy wasn’t my best friends crush . WHAT SHOULD I DOOO!!!
-yours truly,
Kiki

Kiki, I am here to come to your aid, although you’ve already answered half of the question yourself. My advice to you is simple: keep stepping away from the crush. I know it’s incredibly disappointing when a long-time crush remains unrequited because he develops eyes for someone else, especially a friend in your circle. But your instincts were spot on when you decided to start moving on and opening up your sights for someone more available. Things get messy when you pine over a boy your friend might be dating, so don’t do that to yourself. It won’t be easy. You might feel a pang in your heart when you see them together, but let it be a reminder you’ve got a heart that works, and then give it to someone who deserves it.

You’ve got options. Is this new flirtatious boy someone you think you could truly like? Or is it just his interest in you that’s intriguing? If it’s the former, then problem solved. Get to know him and see where things go. Maybe you’ve met your match. But if he’s only on your radar now because you’re in boyfriend-hunting mode and the crush didn’t work out, I advise you to step away from this boy, too. He won’t be any consolation until you’ve completely moved your heart on from your soon-to-be former crush. Take your time. There’s no rush. People throw out this cliche because there’s truth in it: it’s when you stop looking that you find what you need.

Hope that helps!

TTYW,

Lisi

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FREE BALL

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 00:40:53 +0000

I received a message from Dani yesterday with a question that’s so blah-g worthy, you’ll feel like you’ve asked it yourself. That’s because many of you have, and it has to do with moving on after a relationship ends.

Here’s what Dani said about her situation:

Hi Lisi! You always give the most ah-mayzing advice…and I could really use some. So, I’m a competitive high school bowler, and so is my ex. I have to be with him about 3, sometimes 4 days a week and its been really tough on me and my bowling game. The break-up is still fresh and came out of no where and its just really hit me now, I think I was in denial for a little while. It’s giving me major anxiety to the point where I don’t even want to leave the house. Any advice of forgetting him and focusing on myself and my girls?

Thank you!
Love,
Dani

1) Laugh your balls off: Dani, in the world of bowlers you are now considered a free-baller. I know I should probably SPARE your feelings and lay off the jokes but sometimes making fun of those moments in life when we STRIKE out can help. So try to keep a sense of humor when you can and see how many other bowling terms you and your friends can come up with to describe your feelings surrounding this break-up. It might feel like a corny exercise but at least you’ll be laughing. Let me know what they are.

2) Channel surf: Make like Sheridan Spencer from Pretenders and channel a focused bowler who also happens to be seriously over this breakup. That’s right, fake it. Get into character before the game and act. I used to do that in high school in front of my crush after he dumped me. I would cry ever night but at school I acted like I had never been happier. It freaked him out and I got some joy from that. Your game will improve and so will your mood–at least until you get home.

3) Journal: Write about your sadness. This is the place for drama so let it rip. You can also write about the qualities you want in your next crush and ask yourself honestly how many of those qualities this guy had. Or write letters to the future love of your life. Talk to your next boyfriend like he really exists. Manifest him.

4) Put gum on the bottom of his bowling shoes: Yep, that’s what I said.

5) Focus: Part of being an athlete is tuning out the world and outside distractions. I’m not an athlete but I know one and I happen to have a lot of distractions. I downloaded The Art of Mental Training by D.C. Gonzalez and I listen to it on my phone when I need to get in the zone. There are a ton of helpful tips about staying focused and playing your best game. I believe his philosophies could apply to the dating game as well.

Now go bust some balls!!

TTYW,
Lisi

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Boy Bound

Lisi Harrison — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 02:42:41 +0000

I’ve received a number of comments and messages from readers having trouble in the crush department. So today I’m addressing Lily in hopes it will shed some light on a few of the situations I’ve read in your questions.

Here’s what Lily said:

Hi Lisi!! ur advice helped me a lot!! from ur guy advice to having a better self esteem! love you! i have a problem tho… i like this guy who i guess i talk to sometimes. but he tells me he doesn’t like anyone, so im afraid that i cant ‘catch his attention’! we’ve ‘bantered’ and people constantly say we’d b a good couple but i dont know how to get him to like me! I’m too shy to step up and ask him too.

Lily, first, my heart goes out to you. It’s not easy waiting around on a crush to make his move. I will cut to the chase–he may not make it. At least not right now. I’ve alluded before to the simplicity of the male brain and how it’s almost like a mini vacation writing from the POV of Duffy and Jagger in my Pretenders series. That might be a little harsh, but boys are certainly more straightforward in their thinking than we are. While us girls are layered in complex thoughts and emotions happening simultaneously, guys home in on a singular goal, whether that’s making the basketball team, doing well in school, figuring out how to solve a problem–you get the idea. I’m not saying one way is better than the other; the approaches are just different. You might be thinking that when your crush said he doesn’t like anyone he was fibbing a bit and it’s only be a matter of time before he confesses who he has feelings for (hopefully you!). But there’s a very good chance when he said he doesn’t have eyes for anyone in particular right now, he meant it. Don’t waste too much time trying to analyze everything else around the situation. If a guy likes you, he will be sure to let you know it. Again, his focus will be entirely on you as you are now the target prize.

For now, his attention might be on his grades or his friends and that’s perfectly fine. My advice is to keep bantering in a lighthearted way when you do see each other. Be his friend. Develop a connection slowly, but without expectation for an end result. I know that’s difficult, but give it a try. If something transpires in the future–great. If not, journal about it. Get all of your complex, simultaneous thoughts and feelings down on the page so you have a safe place to vent. In the meantime, don’t tie yourself down to the belief that your current crush is the only boy available to you. Keep living your life and having fun with your friends, but keep your eyes open. If your gaze is fixated on the one boy who isn’t coming your way, you might miss the cute, exciting guy who’s been interested in you all along. You’re bound to find him.

Hope that helps.

TTYW,

Lisi

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