BEST FRIENDS FOR NEVER

Here’s what’s #trending right now in my inbox: BFF break-ups. The silent but deadly kind where you both wake up and are no longer following each other on Instagram. If you are female over the age of nine you know what I’m talking about. This is Kendra’s story:

Hi Lisi! I have a problem, maybe you can help. You always give the best advice. It’s about my best friend, now my ex-best friend. We met at work two years ago and became best friends fast but then I noticed that she always had a lot of free time and nobody else except me to fill it. She became really needy. Problem is, I have a TON of people in my life, friends I’ve had before her and then I got a boyfriend. I made sure to be available to her as much as I possibly could. She started making friends with another girl and tweeting about stuff “bad friends” do once they have boyfriends. We just started drifting apart fast and I kept hoping she would reach out to me or I would think about texting her just with “Hi” to see where things go, but I remember all the times she’s said mean things to me in the past and I’m not sure I want to go through that again. It really hurts me still and I wish something could be worked out, but now I think I feel resentment towards the whole thing because I don’t know what I did to make her act this way. Help!Love you! Kendra

Clap your hands if you can relate to Kendra’s story. Did you hear that thunder, Kendra? The entire female population is making some noise. This is the romantic-comedy formula for best friends. Girl has girl, girl gets boyfriend, girl loses girl… Cliche at this point.
Here are your options:
1) Go deep, Kendra, and ask yourself the hard question: Do I want this person as a friend?
Be honest with yourself. Do you miss her or the idea of having a best friend who worships you? Is she more trouble than she’s worth and is this “fight” more of a blessing than a curse? Is it a way for you to get rid of someone who brings you down? Aside from your hurt feelings has life been less complicated without her making you feel guilty and responsible for her feelings? If the answer is, “Yes, Lisi. As a matter of fact, I have been feeling better without her in my life because I don’t feel like I’m being punished for having a life.” Then stop here. Consider yourself lucky and continue to surround yourself with people who support you.
When-Rachel-Calls-Out-Monica
If you truly miss her, explore option #2.
2) You need to talk about this like your ancestors did—without screens, in person. Send a cute card. Yep—pen, paper, stamp, postal worker. Tell her you miss her. Tell her what you miss about her. Tell her you’d like to meet and talk about it in 3D. If she doesn’t respond she’s not the friend you thought she was and it’s done. If she does then go for it. Once you’re together take a moment and describe what it must feel like to be her. Tell her how you think she must be feeling about this fight. She will let you know if you’re right. Then ask her to tell you how you must be feeling. This allows both of you to feel this fight from the other person’s point of view. It helps. Trust me. Then ask her if she wants to make this work. If she says yes, put some new rules in place. What does she need to feel secure in your friendship? What do you need to feel unencumbered by her?
BFF
In a best case scenario you will redefine your friendship and come out stronger. Worst case, you’re done. Which means there’s an opening in your shopping cart for someone new and fantastic. Either way, you win.

TTYW,

Lisi

 

2 Comments

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  • Eliza says:

    Funny this post came up. I’ve been having friend troubles since going back on campus and realized how RIGHT you were all along Lisi. I’ve decided to reread the Clique series just because of this. They always seem to have the right answers. Thanks Lisi for always being here even when you are not.

  • Kalyn says:

    Your articles are for when it aboeultsly, positively, needs to be understood overnight.

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