I’ve received a number of comments and messages from readers having trouble in the crush department. So today I’m addressing Lily in hopes it will shed some light on a few of the situations I’ve read in your questions.
Here’s what Lily said:
Hi Lisi!! ur advice helped me a lot!! from ur guy advice to having a better self esteem! love you! i have a problem tho… i like this guy who i guess i talk to sometimes. but he tells me he doesn’t like anyone, so im afraid that i cant ‘catch his attention’! we’ve ‘bantered’ and people constantly say we’d b a good couple but i dont know how to get him to like me! I’m too shy to step up and ask him too.
Lily, first, my heart goes out to you. It’s not easy waiting around on a crush to make his move. I will cut to the chase–he may not make it. At least not right now. I’ve alluded before to the simplicity of the male brain and how it’s almost like a mini vacation writing from the POV of Duffy and Jagger in my Pretenders series. That might be a little harsh, but boys are certainly more straightforward in their thinking than we are. While us girls are layered in complex thoughts and emotions happening simultaneously, guys home in on a singular goal, whether that’s making the basketball team, doing well in school, figuring out how to solve a problem–you get the idea. I’m not saying one way is better than the other; the approaches are just different. You might be thinking that when your crush said he doesn’t like anyone he was fibbing a bit and it’s only be a matter of time before he confesses who he has feelings for (hopefully you!). But there’s a very good chance when he said he doesn’t have eyes for anyone in particular right now, he meant it. Don’t waste too much time trying to analyze everything else around the situation. If a guy likes you, he will be sure to let you know it. Again, his focus will be entirely on you as you are now the target prize.
For now, his attention might be on his grades or his friends and that’s perfectly fine. My advice is to keep bantering in a lighthearted way when you do see each other. Be his friend. Develop a connection slowly, but without expectation for an end result. I know that’s difficult, but give it a try. If something transpires in the future–great. If not, journal about it. Get all of your complex, simultaneous thoughts and feelings down on the page so you have a safe place to vent. In the meantime, don’t tie yourself down to the belief that your current crush is the only boy available to you. Keep living your life and having fun with your friends, but keep your eyes open. If your gaze is fixated on the one boy who isn’t coming your way, you might miss the cute, exciting guy who’s been interested in you all along. You’re bound to find him.
Hope that helps.