Blog posts in the category: WeArePretenders

Pretenders Guide: Love The Day You Hate

Back when I was in school, nothing depressed me more than Sunday evening. The Canadian world outside my bedroom window was dark, cold, and still. The only light seemed to come from my desk lamp which cast a judgmental glow on the leaning tower of binders that had yet to be cracked. I was either exhausted from a sleepover or mourning the lack of messages from my latest crush. I also suffered from S.H.S. or Sudden Hate Syndrome–the fear of being despised on Monday for no reason. And then there was that homework. As much as I begged, it simply refused to do itself.

On Monday everything was fine. But that Sunday night sadness always returned, bringing with it a …

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California, Here I Come

It’s awn my friends!! I’m hitting the road this week with a fresh pen and a fading tan to spread the word about Pretenders. I’ll tell you all about the new series, I’ll sign, I’ll pose, I’ll say inappropriate things by accident, give away SWAP bracelets, Pretenders pens, and oodles of love.

Got homework? Pretend it’s done. #Wearepretenders

Got practice? Pretend you have cramps. #Wearepretenders

Got no ride? Pretend you have to buy an important book for school (#Wearepretenders) and tell the most gullible licensed driver you know to take you to…

Tuesday, October 15th

Barnes & Noble

7881 Edinger Ave.

Huntington Beach, CA

7pm – 9pm

Wednesday, October 16

Mrs. Nelsons Toy and Book Shop

1030 Bonita Ave.

La

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The Fashion Channel: A Pretenders Guide to Fashion Trends

Forgive me for prying but:

Do you have a flair for drama? Do you turn to celebrities and fashion mags for inspiration? If at first you don’t succeed do you try-try again?

Yes? That’s you? Well then, your Pretender Personality is Sheridan. You like to channel different personas to fit your mood and agenda, which makes fashion one of your greatest assets. Wearing a fab outfit will give you confidence to talk to that crush, ace that test, or sweet-talk your parents into lifting that embarrassing curfew. So if you’re updating your costume closet and eager to trend like #AmericanHorrorStory, add the following five things to cart.

1-prints

Channel Katy Perry and ROAR with leopard print.

2-emerald

Channel Dorothy and get yourself …

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Selfie-Help: A Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie

First a word from our sponsor…

PRETENDERS ON SALE NOW

Today is the day, my friends!!!! I am so excited to share this novel with you. Finally!!! This is why I am posting today instead of my usual Wednesday. I seriously can’t be contained. I have lived with these secrets long enough. I must share.

Being a Pretender is lonely. Like in a superhero sort of way. You have this public persona and then this whole other thing going on internally and if you’re any good at it, no one knows. You must become your own best friend. Your own voice of reason. And most importantly, your own photographer. Stay calm little P’s. My Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie will help. At least …

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Fake It to the Limit

Thanks to all of you who joined me in the lounge yesterday. It was a blast!!! I’m sorry about the technical difficulties, but you can watch the webcast here.

We’ve all heard the phrase, fake it ’til you make it. But these master pretenders started after they made it. Or maybe fame gave them the means to become the people they were truly meant to be. It’s impossible to know. If only we had their journals…

5. Snooki from MTV’s Jersey ShoreSnooki before vs afterFrom naughty to hottie.

4. Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus before vs afterFrom ah-dore to hard core.

3. Justin Timberlake

JT before vs afterFrom rapper to dapper.

2. Heidi Montag of MTV’s Laguna Beach

Heidi Montag before vs afterFrom girl-next-door to door-knockers.

1. Lady Gaga, queen of pretending

Lady Gaga before vs afterFrom …

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Humble-Blah-gging

Humble Bragging = Bragging about yourself while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example: I wrote the first two Clique books while working at MTV but when Best Friends for Never debuted at #7 on the New York Times Bestseller list I was forced to quit and write full time. Suddenly life became very lonely. It was awful.

Humble Blah-gging = Blah-gging about your new series while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example:

pens

Wow! I am seriously spacey. I didn’t even realize I was holding the pens that promote my highly anticipated new series, Pretenders. Someone had to point it out to me. I must be losing my mind. Medic!

You know me. It’s …

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