I spend most Wednesdays dolling out advice no one asked me for. That’s what older people do when we’re not complaining about aches and pains. We can’t help it. We’ve already been through what you’re going through and it hurts us to watch you struggle. Yes, I know we’re supposed to stand back and let you learn from your mistakes. But if someone could have told me how NOT to get my heart broken or how NOT to embarrass myself in front of a crush I would have gladly listened. Of course I would have written them off as geriatrics who couldn’t possibly understand what I was dealing with. But maybe some of it would have seeped in.
Does it hurt grownups when you don’t take us seriously? When you mock our advice behind our backs and then listen to your friends instead? Gawd no! It gives us a chance to say, “I told you so” when you crash and burn. And we live for that.
But every now and then someone comes along and actually ASKS for my opinion. When they do I get soooo excited I tend to go awn and awn and awn and awn and awn and awn. So I will do what I can to keep my words of wisdom brief. But wisdom-y nonetheless.
I received a comment from Jordan who asked this:
I’m starting to have a new crush on this guy who is in two of my classes. We didn’t have any classes together last year as freshmen so I never actually met him until this year. Anyway, I’m really starting to like him, but I don’t know how to start conversations. This is my first crush where the guy actually knows I exist-our teacher had assigned us to sit next to each other for a couple of weeks at the beginning of the school year so I was able to kind of talk to him. Now we don’t sit by each other and I don’t know how to find ways to speak with him. I started liking him after our teacher changed the seating arrangements so I hadn’t really conversed with him as much as I want to now. I would really like to get to know him and become friends, but I don’t know how. Help!?! Any advice would be appreciated greatly!!
Jordan, had me at “help.” I’m guessing you’re not a girl who plays the sexy cat card so I will advise you accordingly and assume you, like me, are of modest chest size (or at least you act like it), can be shy when you like someone and have no game when you’re trying to have game. That said:
1. E.H.S. : Eye-contact. Hold. Smile. Typically, boys are expected to make the first move and that can be seriously sweat inducing. So give him a sign that you are a nice, approachable, friendly girl and he will be more willing to take a chance. Do it while you’re taking your seat in class, when you see him in the halls or during lunch. Help him help you.
2. Do NAWT dress to impress. I have learned this the strange way over the years. When I try to look hot no one talks to me. I could be sitting alone at a drinking establishment (sodas and root beer floats) and not a single guy will make a move. But get this:
– Met my high school boyfriend when I was late for class. I was sweaty from running. My bangs were split down the middle and spackled to my forehead. I needed said bangs because they covered my forehead zits. But they were like open curtains. He was standing outside skipping class. Alone. We got to chatting and fell madly in love. I looked disgusting. He was way too cute to approach under normal circumstances.
– Met a guy while working at the MTV Beach House. I was wearing a orthopedic boot because I fractured my leg rollerblading (early ’90s) and was using a golf club for balance. I was covered in marker because I had been writing V.J. cue cards. I was surrounded by HAWT girls in bikinis who were hired as extras to be in the scene. I stood out for all the wrong reasons. I was a total dork. And he was seriously hawt, smart and in a band. He said it was the boot and club that caught his attention. Any girl who could rock that look had to be cool. He was right.
-Met Kevy my life-crush another summer at a different MTV Beach House. Exactly two hours before we met I told my friend how happy I was being single. That was 16 years ago. I’m still with Kevy.
See for yourself. Which Lisi would you talk to?
Fancy Lisi alone in the breeze. vs Fun Lisi without a breeze.
My point is, we tend to make the best connections when we are not trying. We’re not thinking about it or trying to look sexy. We’re relaxed and carefree. I know it’s different for you Jordan because you already know this guy. So what I’m really saying is don’t start questioning your style or look. If you’re trying he’s not buying. Be natural and comfortable; whatever that means for you.
3. Charm him. Wait for him after class and say, “Row 3 is kinda boring without you. How’s row 5 been? Any action?” If this leads to fun banter you could end with, “Maybe we should have a Row 3 reunion. We could go to_____.”
Whatever you do Jordan keep it real. By that I mean real-life. No texts or posts or pics. That stuff gets passed around and misinterpreted and keeps things from being genuine. I am usually a fan of Seventeen Magazine but this particular bit of advice made me pull my highlighted hair out. http://www.seventeen.com/love/advice/flirty-text-message-ideas?click=pp#slide-1
Do not do any of these things. In fact, I am going to ask my guy friends how they would interpret these sleazy texts and I’ll post those answers for you next week. Until then break hearts my beauties!!!