How to Rush the Crush: Advice for Jordan and millions of others.

I spend most Wednesdays dolling out advice no one asked me for. That’s what older people do when we’re not complaining about aches and pains. We can’t help it. We’ve already been through what you’re going through and it hurts us to watch you struggle. Yes, I know we’re supposed to stand back and let you learn from your mistakes. But if someone could have told me how NOT to get my heart broken or how NOT to embarrass myself in front of a crush I would have gladly listened. Of course I would have written them off as geriatrics who couldn’t possibly understand what I was dealing with. But maybe some of it would have seeped in.

Does it hurt grownups when you don’t take us seriously? When you mock our advice behind our backs and then listen to your friends instead? Gawd no! It gives us a chance to say, “I told you so” when you crash and burn. And we live for that.

But every now and then someone comes along and actually ASKS  for my opinion. When they do I get soooo excited I tend to go awn and awn and awn and awn and awn and awn. So I will do what I can to keep my words of wisdom brief. But wisdom-y nonetheless.

I received a comment from Jordan who asked this:

I’m starting to have a new crush on this guy who is in two of my classes. We didn’t have any classes together last year as freshmen so I never actually met him until this year. Anyway, I’m really starting to like him, but I don’t know how to start conversations. This is my first crush where the guy actually knows I exist-our teacher had assigned us to sit next to each other for a couple of weeks at the beginning of the school year so I was able to kind of talk to him. Now we don’t sit by each other and I don’t know how to find ways to speak with him. I started liking him after our teacher changed the seating arrangements so I hadn’t really conversed with him as much as I want to now. I would really like to get to know him and become friends, but I don’t know how. Help!?! Any advice would be appreciated greatly!!

“Help!?!”

“Appreciated?”

“Greatly?”

Jordan,  had me at “help.” I’m guessing you’re not a girl who plays the sexy cat card so I will advise you accordingly and assume you, like me, are of modest chest size (or at least you act like it), can be shy when you like someone and have no game when you’re trying to have game. That said:

1. E.H.S. : Eye-contact. Hold. Smile. Typically, boys are expected to make the first move and that can be seriously sweat inducing. So give him a sign that you are a nice, approachable, friendly girl and he will be more willing to take a chance. Do it while you’re taking your seat in class, when you see him in the halls or during lunch. Help him help you.

2. Do NAWT dress to impress. I have learned this the strange way over the years. When I try to look hot no one talks to me. I could be sitting alone at a drinking establishment (sodas and root beer floats) and not a single guy will make a move. But get this:

– Met my high school boyfriend when I was late for class. I was sweaty from running. My bangs were split down the middle and spackled to my forehead. I needed said bangs because they covered my forehead zits. But they were like open curtains. He was standing outside skipping class. Alone. We got to chatting and fell madly in love. I looked disgusting. He was way too cute to approach under normal circumstances.

– Met a guy while working at the MTV Beach House. I was wearing a orthopedic boot because I fractured my leg rollerblading (early ’90s) and was using a golf club for balance.  I was covered in marker because I had been writing V.J. cue cards. I was surrounded by HAWT girls in bikinis who were hired as extras to be in the scene. I stood out for all the wrong reasons. I was a total dork. And he was seriously hawt, smart and in a band. He said it was the boot and club that caught his attention. Any girl who could rock that look had to be cool. He was right.

-Met Kevy my life-crush another summer at a different MTV Beach House. Exactly two hours before we met I told my friend how happy I was being single. That was 16 years ago. I’m still with Kevy.

See for yourself. Which Lisi would you talk to?

                                                          

Fancy Lisi alone in the breeze.                        vs                        Fun Lisi without a breeze.

My point is, we tend to make the best connections when we are not trying. We’re not thinking about it or trying to look sexy. We’re relaxed and carefree. I know it’s different for you Jordan because you already know this guy. So what I’m really saying is don’t start questioning your style or look. If you’re trying he’s not buying. Be natural and comfortable; whatever that means for you.

3. Charm him. Wait for him after class and say, “Row 3 is kinda boring without you. How’s row 5 been? Any action?”  If this leads to fun banter you could end with, “Maybe we should have a Row 3 reunion. We could go to_____.”

Whatever you do Jordan keep it real. By that I mean real-life. No texts or posts or pics. That stuff gets passed around and misinterpreted and keeps things from being genuine. I am usually a fan of Seventeen Magazine but this particular bit of advice made me pull my highlighted hair out. http://www.seventeen.com/love/advice/flirty-text-message-ideas?click=pp#slide-1

Do not do any of these things. In fact, I am going to ask my guy friends how they would interpret these sleazy texts and I’ll post those answers for you next week. Until then break hearts my beauties!!!

TTYW,

Lisi

51 Comments

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  • Your advice was quite helpful.But I couldn’t understand what you meant of DAWT.I first liked a guy thats new in my team.How do you get his attention to notice that I liked him? How should I start a conversation with him?

  • Syd says:

    I know this totally contradicts your last post..but, how do you get a guy not to like you? There is this guy that I’m pretty sure likes me (my friend pointed it out too), and I don’t like him back. I don’t want to hurt his feelings if he ever asked me out. What should I do?

  • Maggie says:

    i learned about the dark post-apocolyptic mushroom war side of adventure time yesterday…. Now i’ll never be able to look at my favorite show the same way again. I’m also thirsty for more details about the mushroom war.

  • emily* says:

    Today was the best day ever! I went to see Taylor Swift perform on GMA!!!! then i went to Georgetown Cupcakes Soho and went to Dash in Soho which is so pretty but soooooo much money!

    • squiddy86 says:

      Did you get to meet her? Either way that is awesome, you’re so lucky!! I’m listening to her new album right now 🙂

  • srishti says:

    Hey I made a blog!!! It’s funn!!! Check it out and pleeaase leave comments to tell me how it is:):P

  • Laura says:

    Taylor Swift is a goddess and Red is just… I can’t. I’m in love. Even if you’re not a fan, listen to Starlight and Everything Has Changed(feat. Ed Sheeran). Seriously. So beautiful.♥

  • Alice says:

    I’m so ashamed of myself.

  • Ava says:

    Thanks, Lisi!!! Question: I’m an eleven year old beauty junkie With a fashion designer dream. I’m only in sixth grade, so when we have gym, we sit on the stage in the auditorium. So I was sitting catching up in my recent Clique read: It’s Not Easy Being Mean,( ehmagawd!!! Love it!!) when on the speakers I hear: Bus six students are now dismissed, bus six. I immeadietly applied a fresh coat of Mac Dazzleglass, spritzed on a bit of Taylor Swift’s Wonderstruck, ( what can I say??? It was a free sample at Sephora!!!) when my crush walks by, behind other kids, boarding the bus. We both love baseball and the Yankees, so we both agree that when the Yankees lose the playoffs, our dads are super stressed. I called out, ” My dad’s makin’ me do the laundry,NOW!!! I blame A-Rod…” I dunno if he heard me, but he kept walking by. It made me look stupid on front of my friends, because once they called bus six, they watched in awe as a applied fresh makeup and asked how my ponytail looked. ( Darn gym requirements…) What should I do of it happens again?? ( AND TRUST ME, IT WILL!!$

  • Haylee says:

    “Don’t wanna live in fear and loathing…..I want to feel like I am floating.”
    I LOVE THIS SONG SO EFFING MUCH! I’m a huge Marina and the Diamonds fan and a DE shipper so I was glad when it was used for their scene. I’ve been a huge Marina fan since I heard Homewrecker because of her unique style. I love her album Family Jewels too! And “Fear and Loathing” is such a hot, gorgeous song. No wonder it was used for an amazing scene! Delena <3 And are there any Marina fans here? I just love Marina so much! She's my favorite singer. It used to be Amy Lee for me but then I discovered Marina Diamandis. 😉

  • Maggie says:

    goig to carowinds on 5 hours of sleep. ya, i totally wont be tired -__-

  • Aisha says:

    This was great advice. Especially the EHS part! I might try that sometime.

  • Arianna says:

    Happy birthday Maggie!!!

  • Haylee says:

    Thanks for your crush advice, Lisi. I used to be really awkward around guys, but now I’m getting more comfortable. But most guys I know are stupid. :/

  • Maggie says:

    oh. my. glob. I just made an adventure time hat. the world suddenly just got better.

  • Maggie says:

    omg. my brother just walked into my room and said exitedly in a “the world all makes sense now” kind of exited tone:
    “Maggie, will you sound diffrent on your birthday?”
    i was laughing so hard. great way to wake me up.

  • Arianna says:

    Maggie- Rememer, I work at GameStop. :3

  • Maggie says:

    my brother is convinced that skylanders giants coming to stores sunday is the most important thing that will happen that day. even though i told him a gajillion times it’s my birthday wich in my opinion is better than that video game. even if it’s an awesome one.

  • Arianna says:

    Maybe I’m cursed. What if that’s why guys don’t like me…

  • Ashley says:

    Great advice Lisi 🙂

  • Arianna says:

    Second chapter of my new story up here! I’m taking it down next Friday so read it while you still can!!
    http://thetexastrekkie2.blogspot.com/p/im-dating-celebrity-chapter-2.html
    And click on my name to read my newest blog post!

  • MAYa says:

    LISIIII 🙂 That was ah-mazing advice. I espcially loved your examples of how guys like you better when you’re not trying to impress them. Tres vrai 🙂
    Now that I know how much you like this stuff, I’ll be inundating you with problems. Hope they’re not too annoying 😉
    xox, love, Maya

  • rujuta says:

    ok bunk what i said earlier cus now im in love with an eleventh grader:)

  • Maria says:

    Hi Lisi! The adventures of the Monster High finished? Or will the book 5? Thanks xx

  • Julia says:

    I bet you are pretty, Arianna.
    To add to Lisi’s advice,
    JUST BE YOURSELF.
    No lying. Don’t let a boy fall in love with someone you aren’t. If he doesn’t like you for who you are, he isn’t the right guy. :))
    P.S: I like one of my best friends. He apparently liked me last year, and now I like him. What do I do? 🙁

  • Arianna says:

    Although, I do disagree with the “Don’t dress to impress” advice. If you’re pretty like Lisi is then you can wear whatever. But if you’re revolting like I am, you kinda have to dress nicely or you get absolutely no attention. In fact, you get made fun of. I know, I’ve been single for 18 years and not one guy has ever shown interest in me. So I still try to dress nice because it’s really the only thing going for me.

  • Laila says:

    D’awww, Bean looks particularly cute today ^^ I’m not even a dog person and I’m saying that.

    Anyhow, I love your promotion of zee aal natural and your disapproval of zee sleazy. Oh, story time!

    I was in art, once, we were sketching outside, and these two ditzy girls conversation kind of floated over to me… and this is what this girl was whining about:
    Like, oh my God, I don’t even know what’s wrong with him. He like, came to my house, right, with his car… and I was like, playing hard to get, and I was like: ‘Ew, get your [insertbadwordhere] ugly car out of my driveway!’ And now, he’s like, not talking to me, and I’m like, what the HELL? Blah blah blah….’

    I have no idea what the point to that was…. don’t even know why I was compelled to write it down. I guess at the time it was just hilariously stupid. Hm. Moral of the story: Remember the moral when you’re writing it out.

  • rujuta says:

    that is seriously ah-mazin advice:):) thank you so much lisi:D but my problem is kind of twisted. i liked this guy in the sixth grade. he liked me too. i thought we were too young for all this. i said we shouldnt be serious or anything. we should just be friends. he apparently didnt think so. now im in the eighth grade. i am seriously falling for him again!! or maybe i just never got over him.
    and i dont want to get into the whole MESS again, so i am
    royally confused,
    -rujuta

  • Jordan says:

    Thanks so much Lisi! I will definitely follow your advice. He is currently on vacation, but I will be sure to use E.H.S. when he returns. I will try to muster up the courage to talk to him and ask him how his trip went. We both play basketball so maybe I can use that as a conversation starter.

  • Shaila Gottlieb says:

    GREAT one…couldn’t open the seventeen mag. Thing

    a) They knew I’m a senior ( citizen…not Spanish or Mexican man)

    b) My computer sucks

    c) Just stick to Lisi’s advice

    By the way row 326 misses you

    Your biggest fan

  • Lala says:

    Hi Lisi I loved your advice but it didnt really help me. you see im super super shy around guys. I have talked to my crush in passing like he will ask me to hand him a paper or something but whenever i see him and make eye contact my face goes bright red and i just keep walking. But even worse is that my friend has a crush on him too but she doesnt know i like him anyway if you could help me i would be super greatfull. Thx

    • Arianna says:

      First off, it’s probably a good idea to let your friend know that you have eyes on this boy.
      Second, you have to be brave. So what if you blush every time you see him? I can bet you he’ll actually find that very adorable. Strike up a simple conversation and see what happens. Sometimes you have to overcome your fears and shyness and take a chance.

      Oh, and I’m Arianna. NIce to meet you Lala. I feel like we’ve talked before but I can’t recall those convos.

  • Maggie says:

    lol awesome post! those texts were pretty *rediculus…. they need to be replaced with:

    Hi! here is an apple. it looks like i heart. i’m not a zombie so i need my real one to live. I also heard apples are good for you.

    your love makes me feel like i’m riding a triceratops through a medow.

    i’m sending you chocolate. i spend a whole 5 inutes looking for it. sorry if it tastes like toothpaste and tears of the kraken.

    your the person i would feel worst about killing in a post apocolyptic death match for food.

    yahaha, not. I got these from various sources soif you’ve heard one before that’s why.

    *god, this is a can’t-spell-today kind of dday.

  • Laura says:

    Hey Lisi! Great to know I’m not the only one who hated that post! I was cringing while reading it, I mean who would actually SAY that? But anyway, great advice Lisi! 😉 I’m normally okay around guys, although I used to be pretty awkward. Hopefully I’m improving haha 😉
    Laura Marie

    Random question to anyone with an answer: Anyone know how to cup sing(I really don’t know what its called. Its just where you clap a beat with a cup and sing…)? I just learned how to, and I’m seriously addicted. I was doing it in Spanish class with a glue stick, its that bad. So yeah…anyone else? Or am I alone in my cup singingness? (Also, if you have NO idea what I’m talking about, look up Lennon and Maisy Call Your Girlfriend or Anna Kendrick Cup Trick.)

    Okie doke. That’d be all.

  • Syd says:

    I agree! As much as I love Seventeen, some of their advice is a little….out there. Haha!

  • Erica Jane says:

    Great advice, Lisi! Thanks.
    Now my problem is how to find a crush-worthy guy…

  • Arianna says:

    Great advice Lisi! I hope it helps Jordan.

  • Rebecca says:

    Your “do NAWT dress to impress” examples were so funny!
    What a great help you were 🙂

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