Am I happy you are all getting crushed by crushes? Of course not. I’m just glad you’re coming to me for advice and not solely relying on your friends. No offense, friends, but you’re just as inexperienced as the one in need. I have decades of heartbreaks to draw from. Enough mean girl dramas to fill a Lifetime Channel. And more sleepless nights than Draculaura.
I will try to get to all of your questions eventually, especially if you start them with Lisi, you give the best advice…, but this week my crushed heart goes out to Biebs Girl.
Lisi, you give the best advice… What do you think about dating someone who’s younger than you and way shorter? This really sweet guy is a Freshman and he told me he had a crush on me. I’m a Junior and my friends always say it’d be soooo wrong to even think about it. But I am. I’m about 5″4 and I’m pretty sure he’s like 5’4 or maybe slightly taller or shorter. Its just kinda awk how he’s a height close to mine. What do you think?
If I forgot what it was like to be in high school I’d say something not-at-all helpful like, “Who cares what your friends think. If he’s a good guy and you like each other that’s all that should matter.” Technically, that’s true but it sucks as advice because when you’re in high school friends’ opinions do matter. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying I accept it because if I didn’t I’d be feeding you that crap line and wondering why it didn’t help.
First order of business: My guess is these friends of yours are single or unhappy. If they were happy in relationships of their own they wouldn’t care who you liked as long as you were happy too. Know that. Don’t ever forget it. EVER! Some friends can be very supportive as long as they’re happy. When they’re not, many have a fear of being left behind and they will do and say whatever it takes to keep you from moving on without them.
Next: Do you really like this guy? Does he make you smile out loud? If so, Massie Block has a question for you:
Would you rather hang with an awesome guy your friends don’t think is tall enough to ride the roller coaster OR miss out on what could be a great time to keep your friends from yapping behind your back?
It takes courage to do things your friends don’t approve of. If you don’t find that courage now ,you’ll have to find it eventually because you won’t always agree on everything. And at some point in your life that’s going to have to be okay or you will have no clue who you are and you certainly won’t be happy.
Assuming you find the courage to live life for yourself and not your friends (it’s hard at your age, I get it) then it’s all how you spin it. Instead of acting all unsure and insecure show them how much fun dating a young same-sized guy can be. Put on your advertising hat and sell it. Start by telling them they are judging him based on the year his parents had sex. Gross, I know, but that’s really what it comes down to. It’s called ageism. No different than judging someone based on the color of their skin or the god they pray to.
Next, think of all the celeb couples who rocked that trend. Demi and Ashton, anyone? Fine, it didn’t end well but they had a great run. My husband is two years younger than me. My friend Noel married an ah-mazing guy who is six years younger than her. We live in a culture that worships youth. Make that work for you, sister. Be a Junior-cougar. Start a Junior Cougar Club. Junior girls who proudly date younger guys. Make it trend. Own it.#Juniorcougar
Find out if he has any friends that are interested in one of your friends. A double date perhaps? Maybe the young ones will get cheaper prices on movie tickets. 🙂
It hard to go against the social norms. Ask anyone who ever made a difference in this world. They’ll tell you.
Keep me posted!
So many issues, so few Wednesdays. Keep sending your questions. I’ll answer another one next week.