Sign Language

Sign Language

Hi Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I’ve been friends with a guy for a long time but over the last two years we’ve gotten super close. He calls me his best friend now and I consider him mine too.  We hold hands a lot and cuddle regularly. Nothing has ever happened between us and I’m not sure if he wants it to, but we are pretty touchy feely together even in front of our friends. He has told me he wants a girlfriend so maybe I am his stand in until he finds who he really wants. Or is he telling me with actions he likes me more than a friend, but is just too scared to directly say it? I need your help! 

ox~ Katie

You are full of questions Katie, and understandably so. And yet the one question you didn’t ask was, “How do I feel about HIM?” So please, take anywhere from a minute to a month and figure it out. From the tone of this letter it sounds like you’re up for whatever he decides and that’s a scary position to be in. Get clarity on what you want.

Sign Language

Start by asking yourself the hard stuff:
Do I like him more than a friend?
Does the idea of kissing him make me squirmy in the good way or the bad way?

Sign Language

Am I mistaking jealousy towards his future girlfriend with real feelings?
Do we have what it takes to date or are we better off as friends?
Am I even attracted to him?

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you’re*

 

So, what did you decide?

Like him only as a friend? Well, if he’s not making any awkward advances then you’re all good. Let him manage his own feelings.

But if you like him MORE than a friend then you best be getting to the bottom of this. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want. Then ask him to share his feelings and wants with you. If you’re truly best friends you should be able to talk this through and know that your relationship will survive. If it doesn’t, well, Easter is a time for new beginnings. So keep moving forward and know that this too shall Passover. (Sorry, I had to.)

Happy All-idays

TTYW,
Lisi

2 Comments

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  • Hi Lisi!
    Not to be cliché with everyone’s opening line of “You always give the best advice,” but it’s true. I don’t know what to do in this situation, and I thought you’d be able to give me some really great advice. The thing is, I’m really bad at friendships when it comes to dealing with emotions. Whenever one of my friends is upset, going through a breakup, or even just stressed, I never know what to do to comfort them. Today, one of my best friends had a break down during school. She had been very stressed lately, we just took a test she was pretty sure she failed, and she just learned yesterday that a close family friend had passed away. Then, during English, our teacher flipped out on her, and she just lost it. I found her sobbing in the bathroom after class, and I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there, awkwardly patted her back, and told her it would be okay. I feel like I was giving her the wrong impression that I don’t care about her problems. But I do care. The problem is I never know what to do when someone is going through a hard time. It’s just awkward for me. Am I emotionally detached or something? What should I do in these situations? How should I comfort my friends?
    ~ Hailey (sorry for how long this is)

  • kikicbrownee says:

    Seriously, if you like him, tell him! I was best friends with this guy and liked him for sooo long. I was constantly asking myself the same questions you are…does he like me but he’s too afraid to say it or does he just do those things because we’re good friends and that’s all he wants to be? I worried myself sick for months thinking about it because I didn’t know and I was too scared to tell him, but at the same time I needed to. Finally one day I brought it up just by asking “Could you ever see us dating?” just to put it out there. SO scary–easier said than done! The gist of his answer was basically “maybe, but probably not,” and because I’d liked him for so long it crushed me. But I’m so so glad I told him. If he had liked me, we’d probably be dating right now, which would have been great. And because I found out he didn’t like me, I could finally feel free, get some closure, and move on, which is also very great. Either way you win. 🙂 good luck! and thanks for the post, Lisi! (sorry for the long comment ha)

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