School is out, tans are on point, and the sweet smell of SPF 50 is in the air. Call yourself a trash compactor, baby, because you are ready to crush. But here’s the problem: crushes are called crushes because hearts are literally getting crushed in the process. And you know what that means? Come mid-August the ground will be covered in shards of broken hearts. That leaves you and a pair of tweezers nipping at your freshly pedicured foot as you try to pluck out the splinters of pain.
Or, you can crush-proof your summer with the handy-dandy-no-tweezers-necessary (unless-you-have-a-unibrow) method I like to call V.A.G. Now remember it’s not for everyone. Just those of you who don’t mind saying, “I’m working the V.A.G. method”.
Here’s how it goes:
V: stands for VALUES. Before you set eyes on any potential candidates, make a list of values that are important to you. Some of mine are, honesty, kindness, stellar hygiene, integrity, humor as a way to deal with things that suck, law-abiding…
A: stands for AH-MAZING. Becuase you want this person to make you feel ah-mazing. And if they don’t they have no place in your life. So, again, make a list of things a crush can do to make you feel ah-mazing. Some of mine are: Laugh at my jokes, great conversationalist, respectful, full of compliments, loyal, kind, considerate, punctual…
G: stands for GO and check your list. Meaning, every time you have an interaction with Crush, GO and check your list.
Is your crush’s behavior in line with your values? Does your cush make you feel the way you want to feel? If not, spray a ton of sunscreen and vanish in the mist.
The V.A.G. method takes courage and confidence. It asks that you hold out for what’s good, not good for right now. It demands that you tell your beating heart to simmer down and let your brain weigh in. It’s there to show you how often we ignore reality and chase our fantasies instead. Of course, there are always some people who think that time, mind-games, or a tight outfit will win their crush’s affection and improve their behavior. And to them, I say, “Get yourself some tweezers and prepare for the prick of a lifetime.”