Intention Deficit Disorder

intention

A few years ago, I was having one of my many panic attacks while trying to finish one of my many books before one of my many deadlines. Not one to wallow in my own suffering, I looked for help and found Candice. I’m sure I’ve written about her before. She is a life coach and really helped me look at my stresses in a new way so I could manage them. One of my biggest issues was Life vs. Work. As a writer, you really need to enter what I call The Cone Of Silence and stay there for many straight hours.

There are no texts inside the cone. No phone calls. No e-mails. No paying bills. No online shopping. No visits from friends. No doing dishes. No haircuts. No waxes. No mani’s or pedi’s. No reading. No listening to music with lyrics. No helping old people or ducklings cross the road.

It’s a cone.

A silent one.

And there’s only room for me.

So when do all those other things get done? Not on the weekends. The weekends are for my kids. Not at night. That’s when I decompress. Candace’s suggestion? Create one non-writing day every week–preferably the same day–and make it about your to-do list.

I made mine Wednesdays. And I’m so in love with it I want to marry it. This is the day I do all the other stuff that life’s vomiting in my face, and it’s worked incredibly well.

Another thing I recently discovered is Intent.com

The website was created by Mallika Chopra (yes, daughter of Deepak, but she is so much more). She wrote a book called Living With Intent that has brought so much meaning to my life. For those of you who are inundated with exams and not quite ready for a summer reading list, I suggest you join the website and get the app. It’s a game-changer.

Taking a moment to think about what you want each day really helps you get it. It’s so simple and so effective. And it doesn’t have to be spiritual or deep in any way. Look for mine, you’ll see. It can be about anything–no one judges. In fact, everyone supports.

You can also:

* Share your intents with other community members.
* Receive encouraging comments on your intents.
* Show your support for other people’s intents.
* Adopt other people’s intents that you can relate to.
* Sync your account with Twitter and Facebook so that your intents are automatically shared with your Twitter and Facebook friends.
* Reaffirm you intents every day so you stay on top of your goals.
* Track the intents that you completed or accomplished.
* Add inspirational or informational photos and videos to your intent.

Let me know when you’re on so I can follow you.

I intend to TTYW,

Lisi

SHY CONTACT

 

shy

Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I am super shy and quiet with people I don’t know well yet. It’s BAD. The worst part is that the guy I like is really shy too and now I’m wondering if I have zero chance with him if he also thinks I’m intimidating. Can you give me any tips on how to seem more approachable? Help!
~ Em

 

Dear Em,

You are the perfect candidate for the SEA Method.  This highly developed social tool (I made it up) has been scrutinized by behavioral psychologists (me)  and has proven (to me) to be the best tool for letting others (crushes) know that behind those downcast eyes is a girl (social animal) waiting to be discovered (pounced upon).
Simply put, the SEA Method stands for SMILE, EYE CONTACT, and ACT.  Here’s the breakdown:
 
SMILE:
1. The fastest way to put someone at ease is to smile. Really, that’s it. Do the corners of your mouth have to graze your ears? No. Start small and keep it sweet. A quickie as you pass in the hall. Another when your eyes meet in class… that kind of thing.  Imagine your shyness is a block of ice and your little smile is a lighter’s flame. Each time you spark one you’re melting away the barrier that stands between you and the people you want to get to know.   
Smiling also has great physical benefits. Don’t believe me? Close your eyes and smile. Feel that surge of euphoria? That’s serotonin—a chemical produced in our brains and intestinal tracts that’s responsible for maintaining our mood balance. Each time you smile you feel the effects. So go for it. No prescription necessary. 
shy 
EYE CONTACT:
2. Okay, enough smiling. Open your eyes and keep them open. No good will come from smiling at someone if you’re looking at your Tom’s. They’ll either think you’re in love with your shoes or you have gas. You have to make eye contact when you smile. Nothing prolonged or cheesy. A second will do the trick as long as you hit your mark. 
 
People are insecure and need reassurance that they won’t be rejected when they approach you. Smiling and eye contact are the surest ways to make yourself look confident and to show others that you approve of them. 
shy flirting
 
ACT:
3. Em, I know what you’re thinking. “Um, Lisi, what part of you doesn’t understand that I’m shy?? If I could smile at boys and look them in the eye I wouldn’t have written to you. I’d be out there, right now, collecting names and numbers.” And to you, sweet Em, I say, ACT! 

Nothing new is easy at first. Greatness of any kind begins with a goal. Then we do the hard, uncomfy work required to reach it. That’s what my latest series, Pretenders is all about. Confidence is one of those qualities that grows as you exude it. Soon what you once pretended you now possess.

I’m not suggesting you wake up tomorrow, charge into school all smiles and personality. Just take tiny steps each day toward your goal and before you know it that ice block will melt into a cube, then a puddle, and in time the whole darn thing will evaporate.  When it does, Em, please send it to California. We need the rain.

TTYW,

Lisi

SPRING FORWARD

Why limit spring cleaning to your closet when you can tidy up your tired old attitude too? I mean, sulking is so last season.

CLEAN OUT YOUR HEART

Still obsessing over that boy who ended up dating someone else? Make like a rainbow and get over it. There are reasons why relationships don’t work out. What good came of him not choosing you? And don’t say, “nothing.” Come up with five good things and then read them every morning before you start your day. Think of all the new people you can fit in that heart of yours once the barnacles are out and you’ve made space.

DECLUTTER YOUR GRUDGES

Blowout or betrayal with a good friend this year? Grudges only punish the one holding them. Imagine carrying around two suitcases—no wheels—filled with bricks. Wait, you don’t have to imagine it. You’ve been lugging those things around for months and it’s painful. Go dump those bricks in front of you ex-friend’s house, ring the doorbell then run away. Notice how fast you move without all that extra weight?

SWEEP YOUR ENVY ASIDE

Envy is a dusty feeling that keeps us from seeing clearly. So let me clear things up. We’re all flawed. We’re all fortunate. Focus on the fortunate. Yep, that simple.

FILE AWAY YOUR FEAR

When was the last time you let fear of failure stop you from doing something you wanted to do? You can’t eliminate fear completely but you can be courageous and do the scary thing anyway. Failure doesn’t hurt half as much as regret. Failure makes us stronger and shines a light on where we need to focus our energy. Regret is pointless. It shackles us to the past and reminds us that we used to be wuss-bags.

Don’t be a wuss-bag this spring. Start cleaning so you can spring forward into summer and beyond!

TTYW,
Lisi

SMUGG BOOTS

 

Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift

“There’s a lid for every pot out there.”

“It happens when you’re least expecting it.”

“It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find him.”

“Your Prince Charming will come.” 

Single ladies across the Internet are outraged over a twitter exchange between Taylor Swift and newly engaged Lady Gaga. Here’s what went down:

tweets    Some are saying how sweet Lady Gaga was, but most think that if her words were boots they’d be SMUGG BOOTS. (Forgive me, Father. It’s been hours since my last pun.) Personally, I think…actually I don’t think that much about it at all. And I don’t think Lady did either. My guess is that she expressed her appreciation in 140 characters then moved on to the ten billion other things on her I Do List. But the debate does bring up a good point. The idea that a girl’s life is not complete until she meets her Prince Charming is a royal bunch of b.s. After years of marriage most of them end up looking like frogs.  

Wanting to become someone’s other half, simply for the sake of it is insane. It’s also frighteningly accurate because many women complain about “losing themselves” over the course of their relationships. If you ask me, the single ones–the girls who are holding onto themselves instead of holding out for someone else–should be dolling out advice to those coupling up. “Hang in there. You won’t always have to compromise. He’ll go out of town eventually. You can make your own choices then.” Or “Girls Night Out will be more meaningful when it happens once a month as opposed to every weekend.” And “There’s nothing like sharing a bed with a snorer to remind you you’re not alone.”  

If we weren’t brainwashed by romantic comedies and the like (that end just before reality sinks in), we might have a healthier approach to falling in love. It wouldn’t be something we go looking for but rather something that finds us. It wouldn’t feel like being rescued or completed. It would feel like one hundred percent of you, with a free side of scrumptous, nutritious, fat-free fries. Something wonderful added bonus. Something extra we never needed or asked for or even knew was existed. Something that brings flavor to our already delicious single-patty lives. Napkin optional. 

amanda bynes

Old school Bynes never lets me down.

TTYW,

Lisi                        

Grit or Get Off The Pot

im/possible

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.” – William Gibson.

Have you ever shared your life’s grand plan with someone and in an instant your dreams were dashed with negativity? We all encounter discouraging naysayers on our path, but it’s particularly difficult to stay focused in reaching our goals when those closest to us can’t or won’t be our support system along the way. Danielle is experiencing this right now and commented about it on my Facebook page. Here’s her story: I’ve wanted to become a writer for quite some time. The only problem is my family doesn’t support me in my decision. They say things that really make me feel like I won’t be able to make it. I get tons of support at school with my teachers and I’m grateful for that, but my family makes jokes at my expense that make me feel self conscious for wanting to write. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t think I’ll be able to become a writer anymore. Any advice?  People who try to talk you down from a dream are usually working from a place of fear. It isn’t necessarily their fault. They might be repeating discouraging words said to them long ago, or they might be too scared in their own life to follow their passion. It’s crucial that you keep this in mind. Remind yourself it’s their insecurity and like a virus, you will catch it if you don’t build up your immunity. Here’s how:

Shut them down.

Tell them to keep their negativity to themselves. If they keep this up you will never dedicate a novel to them. Ne-ver! You could also try giving them a taste of it. Crush their goals and dreams just for fun. See how they like it. Infect them with their own negativity. Then (wait for it…) write a short story about it. Everything you experience—better or worse—is material. At the very least take notes on their behavior. The sound of their voices when they judge. Their facial expressions. The sound of their laughter. Show them, with your writing, how antagonistic they are.

Become Boobs. Now Find Your Bra.

Like a pair of boobs you need support. So go find a few bras. By this I mean people who support you. Share your writing with the teachers who believe in you. Join or start a writing club. Become an online member of a writing community. Read about writers. Read about writing. Surround yourself with other people who share the vision. That’s the bug you want to catch.
goals

Don’t dream it. Do it. 

Right now writing is your dream, but you should make it your reality. Decide upon smaller tasks instead of focusing solely on the final work. Write them down, tack them up on a wall near your desk. Look at those reminder notes every morning and put at least one of them into effect. Maybe that means writing a short story, putting a book of poems together, completing specific writing exercises each week, studying two books on the craft per month. Your family will see you working at achieving your goal and hopefully will respect your vision more and more. Or they won’t. (See: Shut Them Down.) The most important thing a writer can have—more important that talent, skill, education—is GRIT! Stick with it. Thicken that skin. Shut out the noise. Cliche? Yes. But oh so true.

butler quote Now go kick some ass. TTYW, Lisi

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