I’m not sure what I love more: the honesty in your Dear EhMaFraud questions, the support you are showing one another, or the fact that you love my advice. Fine, it’s a three-way tie. But I can’t rest on my success. I must make like a shark and keep moving. So, today I am going to take this solution-revolution to another level and attempt something professional-advice-givers have referred to as, “bold,” “daring,” and “very confusing.”
I am going to mash two popular questions—ANY ADVICE ON WRITER’S BLOCK? and HOW DO I LAND MY CRUSH?–into one spectacular blog. I have gathered quotes from famous writers on writer’s block. They are insightful and should be helpful. Then I will twist their words and apply them to the art of making progress with a crush.
I am cracking my knuckles. Doing neck circles. Reversing the neck circles. And…
MARK TWAIN ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
LISI-MARK MASHUP: The secret to taking this boy off the market and making him your own is to create tiny manageable goals. Instead of saying this stranger must adore me by Friday, try this: Monday–eye contact. Tuesday–smile. Wednesday–ask a question. Thursday–take a step back so he doesn’t think you’re a stalker, but if he starts anything with you respond in a sweet, approachable way. Friday–mini-chat. Figure out your big-picture goal and work toward it with easily achieved, bite-sized goals. That way you’ll feel like a winner every day. And boys like girls who think they’re winners.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“The best way is always to stop when you are going good and when you know what will happen next. If you do that every day … you will never be stuck.”
LISI-ERNEST MASHUP: Leave while the party is still going strong. Don’t wait until the night/conversation/date starts to dwindle. Drag yourself away while everyone is still loving you; this will leave them wanting more. Game playing? Perhaps. But if you’re going to play, play to win.
CANDACE BUSHNELL ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“Why do I keep evading my work? Is it because I’m afraid of being confronted by my lack of abilities?”
LISI-CANDACE MASHUP: Why yes Candace, it is. Why do we avoid talking to our crushes? Same reason: fear of rejection. I’m not going to puke out that you-never-know-unless-you-try cliche because that’s just so blah-bvious. Plus, not knowing isn’t so bad. It’s less devastating than rejection, right? So I say this: if you’re happy with the fantasy then don’t try. Evade and keep the dream alive. But if you are like me and you need concrete answers, put yourself out there and then feel totally shocked when you succeed. If you don’t succeed, embellish the details so it becomes the most EMBARRASSING rejection story ever and make all of your friends laugh. Then write about it. If there’s one thing we can all relate to it’s a good rejection story.
NORMAN MAILER ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“If you tell yourself you are going to be at your desk tomorrow, you are by that declaration asking your unconscious to prepare the material.”
LISI-NORMAN MASHUP: Visualize the outcome. I do this all the time. Before you fall asleep, close your eyes and visualize the next day. See yourself in all the situations you expect to be in. Of course, make your hair perfect and your teeth free of tartar. Imagine yourself having a moment with your crush and your crush ah-doring you. Visualize this over and over again until you pass out. IT WORKS!!!
RAY BRADBURY ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“If you’ve got a writer’s block, you can cure it this evening by stopping whatever you’re writing and doing something else. You picked the wrong subject.”
LISI/RAY MASHUP: If you’ve tried everything and he’s still not drooling, you’re crushing on the wrong guy. It’s not fair, I know. Your heart wants him and his heart wants someone else. Just know that he can’t control his feelings any more than you can control yours. You can control the songs you add to your “I AM GOING TO FAKE BEING OVER YOU UNTIL I AM ACTUALLY OVER YOU” playlist. iDone.
LISI HARRISON ON WRITER’S BLOCK
“A story outline is like a road map. It gives your drive a destination and saves a ton of gas.”
LISI-LISI MASHUP: If all else fails, start quoting yourself. He’ll think you’re famous and hate himself for missing his chance back when you were just a fabulous nobody. Then attach a picture of yourself looking snobby just to prove you don’t have time for him anymore.