Hey Good Looking,
(Yeah, I’m talking to you.)
Last week I gave you a list of ten reasons why those of you born in 2000 and beyond have it easier than those of us who are, as old people like to say, wiser. Well, now it’s my turn to gloat.
The following are ten ways that pre-millennials had it better.
1) Prank Calls. We got to make ’em, got to answer ’em, and we laughed our abs into six-packs because of ’em. Nothing brought more hilarity to a sleepover than dialing up random people or our crushes and messing with them over the phone. Unless the victim recognized our voices (most of us mastered the art of disguise), we got away with it because there was no caller ID. It was total anonymity and a total blast.
2) We embraced our awkward stages. Yep, I had braces, a layered perm that made me look like a pineapple, and forehead zits. It was hideous. But we didn’t feel the need to document every second of our lives and post about them. The only people who knew we were scary and pubescent were our family members and classmates. And guess what–they were busted too. We got to surf our hormonal waves, experiment with ill-fitted clothes, and rock unflattering hairstyles without some future boss or lover finding the evidince online. All experimenting was done off the record. You’re seeing this high school picture of me because I’m CHOOSING to share it with you.
3) For the record I am a huge environmentalist. But in 1970s, not so much. We used to eat McDonalds in the car and then throw our wrappers out the window when we were done. It was insane. Awful on every possible level. But when you’re a kid, and no one tells you that littering is bad, and when even grown ups are doing it, you don’t realize it’s wrong. Let me just say if I ever saw anyone do anything like that now I would hunt them down and force feed them public bathroom trash. But back then it was considered normal. And let me just say that tossing a Big Mac container (Styrofoam, no less) out of a speeding station wagon felt like total freedom.
4) On that note, we ate fast food without shame.
5) We suntanned without shame.
6) We didn’t have devices so playing with friends was way more creative and, dare I say, FUN! We made up games. We got messy. We laughed and ran and got yelled at by uptight neighbors. We were living in all three dimensions and because of it our social skills can beat up your social skills. (If you don’t know what social skills are, Google it.)
7) Sadly, bullying existed back then. But it was limited to the bus, the playground, the neighborhood. It didn’t reach global proportions. No one was publicly shamed. Bully’s couldn’t hide behind screens. They had to face their targets. And many times that meant facing consequences, too.
8) Electricity blackouts were exciting. They in no way made us feel like the end was near. Why? Because we weren’t completely dependent on electricity for every single thing we do.
9) We didn’t have to take our shoes off when going through airport security.
10) We were alive! (no offense.)
Now I want to hear what you think the ups and downs are of your generation.