“There’s a lid for every pot out there.”

“It happens when you’re least expecting it.”

“It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find him.”

“Your Prince Charming will come.” 

Single ladies across the Internet are outraged over a twitter exchange between Taylor Swift and newly engaged Lady Gaga. Here’s what went down:

   Some are saying how sweet Lady Gaga was, but most think that if her words were boots they’d be SMUGG BOOTS. (Forgive me, Father. It’s been hours since my last pun.) Personally, I think…actually I don’t think that much about it at all. And I don’t think Lady did either. My guess is that she expressed her appreciation in 140 characters then moved on to the ten billion other things on her I Do List. But the debate does bring up a good point. The idea that a girl’s life is not complete until she meets her Prince Charming is a royal bunch of b.s. After years of marriage most of them end up looking like frogs.  

Wanting to become someone’s other half, simply for the sake of it is insane. It’s also frighteningly accurate because many women complain about “losing themselves” over the course of their relationships. If you ask me, the single ones–the girls who are holding onto themselves instead of holding out for someone else–should be dolling out advice to those coupling up. “Hang in there. You won’t always have to compromise. He’ll go out of town eventually. You can make your own choices then.” Or “Girls Night Out will be more meaningful when it happens once a month as opposed to every weekend.” And “There’s nothing like sharing a bed with a snorer to remind you you’re not alone.”  

Old school Bynes never lets me down.

TTYW,

Lisi                        

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Hi Lisi! I have a problem, maybe you can help. You always give the best advice. It’s about my best friend, now my ex-best friend. We met at work two years ago and became best friends fast but then I noticed that she always had a lot of free time and nobody else except me to fill it. She became really needy. Problem is, I have a TON of people in my life, friends I’ve had before her and then I got a boyfriend. I made sure to be available to her as much as I possibly could. She started making friends with another girl and tweeting about stuff “bad friends” do once they have boyfriends. We just started drifting apart fast and I kept hoping she would reach out to me or I would think about texting her just with “Hi” to see where things go, but I remember all the times she’s said mean things to me in the past and I’m not sure I want to go through that again. It really hurts me still and I wish something could be worked out, but now I think I feel resentment towards the whole thing because I don’t know what I did to make her act this way. Help!Love you! Kendra

Clap your hands if you can relate to Kendra’s story. Did you hear that thunder, Kendra? The entire female population is making some noise. This is the romantic-comedy formula for best friends. Girl has girl, girl gets boyfriend, girl loses girl… Cliche at this point.

Here are your options:

1) Go deep, Kendra, and ask yourself the hard question: Do I want this person as a friend?

Be honest with yourself. Do you miss her or the idea of having a best friend who worships you? Is she more trouble than she’s worth and is this “fight” more of a blessing than a curse? Is it a way for you to get rid of someone who brings you down? Aside from your hurt feelings has life been less complicated without her making you feel guilty and responsible for her feelings? If the answer is, “Yes, Lisi. As a matter of fact, I have been feeling better without her in my life because I don’t feel like I’m being punished for having a life.” Then stop here. Consider yourself lucky and continue to surround yourself with people who support you.

If you truly miss her, explore option #2.

2) You need to talk about this like your ancestors did—without screens, in person. Send a cute card. Yep—pen, paper, stamp, postal worker. Tell her you miss her. Tell her what you miss about her. Tell her you’d like to meet and talk about it in 3D. If she doesn’t respond she’s not the friend you thought she was and it’s done. If she does then go for it. Once you’re together take a moment and describe what it must feel like to be her. Tell her how you think she must be feeling about this fight. She will let you know if you’re right. Then ask her to tell you how you must be feeling. This allows both of you to feel this fight from the other person’s point of view. It helps. Trust me. Then ask her if she wants to make this work. If she says yes, put some new rules in place. What does she need to feel secure in your friendship? What do you need to feel unencumbered by her?

In a best case scenario you will redefine your friendship and come out stronger. Worst case, you’re done. Which means there’s an opening in your shopping cart for someone new and fantastic. Either way, you win.

TTYW,

Lisi

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Lisi, what is the best way to network? Especially if everyone in the room is richer/more accompished than you are?  I’m about to go off to a fancy college and need to know how!

First, Juliet, you have to know what makes you valuable. To start, get the phrase “everyone in the room is richer/more accomplished than you” out of your noggin because people can sniff out insecurity and it smells like a dude’s locker room. Just because someone is rich doesn’t mean they’re better than you. One of my favorite quotes comes from Dorothy Parker: “If you want to know what God thinks about money, look at the people he gave it to.”  Everyone in the room has value. Before you enter, figure out what yours is. Come from that place.

If your experience is limited, ask smart questions. People love talking about themselves. Ask them what they do, what they love about it, how they got into it… find common ground. “And there I was thinking I had the biggest collection of animal oil paintings. How can I see yours? Do you have a website or facebook page?”

Then follow up. Always follow up.

Make your goal to gather information. This is not the time to pitch yourself. No one wants to feel like they’re being played at a party. They want to feel like they’re fascinating you and that you have no agenda other than being fascinated. But be a detective. Remember names, gather contact information, and leave a good impression (read: limit alcohol, trust me.) Just when you think your brain and bladder are going to explode, excuse yourself and hit the latrine. Lock yourself in a stall and write down everything you remember.  “Sarah just got promoted to VP of Marketing, her favorite part of the job is the free samples she gets from snack companies…”

Then follow up. Always follow up. Sprinkle those details into your correspondence. “Hi Sarah, it’s Juliet. We met at the Olive Garden. We were talking about our love of snack samples and all things marketing. I thought you should know a friend just slipped me a pack of chocolate chip gum. It’s not going to hit shelves until Spring 2016 but if you let me take you to coffee and pick your brain about (some specific marketing thing) I’ll save the last piece for you…”

Before you crash any corporate retreats, start small. Join clubs, ask a stranger where she got her boots, volunteer. Most networking these days happens through friends of friends, family, and social media connections. Start developing those relationships now so you have a base before you’re on the hunt for a job.

Maya Angelou says, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So make people feel good. Then follow up. Always follow up.

(start by following up to this post. Let’s see how you do.)

TTYW,

Lisi

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Source: lifeteen.com

Q: Hi Lisi! I have a question I’ve been wondering about and I feel like you would give a great answer to. How do you tell a certain guy you like him? i’ve been best friends with this guy for years and I think it might be turning into something more, but it seems like we’re both afraid to cross over that barrier and see what the other is thinking. I realize telling him and finding out he’s not interested could ruin our friendship but I’m ready to take the risk. I’m just not sure how..Any words of wisdom? Thanks! you’re the best!
– Sara

Sara, this is a great question I’m sure a lot of readers have wondered themselves. I don’t blame you for being curious about whether or not your close relationship with your best guy friend could turn into something more. But there are a few things to keep in mind before taking the leap and potentially losing the connection you now have with him.

1. READ THE SIGNS

Has your friendship changed in ways that make you think your guy friend is romantically into you? Think back to his words and actions. Does he worry about and consistently consider your feelings, act protective over you when it comes to other guys you’ve been interested in, and show you his emotional side? These might be signs he’s into you as more than a friend, but if he’s always talking about your hot friend or treats you just like one of the guys, you may want to stay in platonic territory.

2. KEEP IT LIGHT

Guys are repelled by complicated dating situations, so if you choose to start a conversation about where each of you stand do your best to keep things light and easy. You’ll need to be a little bit vulnerable to open up a dialogue about your feelings, but there are noncommittal ways of doing this so you can save as much face as possible if things go awry. At a time when you’re joking with your guy friend or having fun together, find a way to test the waters. Maybe you’re watching a funny movie together where the central characters have a situation similar to yours and end up dating and falling in love. Throw out a “Well this really is fiction because friends falling in love almost never works out. What do you think?” If he’s on the same page as you, he’ll see this as an opportunity to explain why friends turning romantic can potentially work. If he’s not thinking of you in the romantic sense, or truly believes dating a friend is a recipe for disaster resulting in the loss of a great friendship, he’ll be sure to express that too.

3. BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST

You mentioned you are at a place where you’re ready to risk possibly ruining the friendship with your guy friend in order to tell him how you feel. It’s completely possible to share your feelings with him and keep the friendship strong even if he’s not thinking of you in the same way, though it will probably shift the connection you two have for a while. You won’t necessarily lose him altogether, but you have to keep that possibility in mind. It would be easy for me to say that keeping the friendship in tact is the wisest choice in your situation, but I know it’s not always realistic. If you are certain you’ll be able to handle losing the friendship or making things awkward to the point of changing your friendship dynamic forever, then take a leap and see what happens. You already know the worst case scenario, but at present you don’t know what the best case outcome might be. Stay cool, keep things light, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Good luck!!!

I’m loving all the crush questions that have been submitted lately but next week we’re going to shift gears a bit. Send me questions you have on writing, school or social woes. Can’t wait to read your thoughts.

TTYW,

Lisi

The post Best Boy/Friend appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Here’s what Dani said about her situation:

Hi Lisi! You always give the most ah-mayzing advice…and I could really use some. So, I’m a competitive high school bowler, and so is my ex. I have to be with him about 3, sometimes 4 days a week and its been really tough on me and my bowling game. The break-up is still fresh and came out of no where and its just really hit me now, I think I was in denial for a little while. It’s giving me major anxiety to the point where I don’t even want to leave the house. Any advice of forgetting him and focusing on myself and my girls?

Thank you!
Love,
Dani

1) Laugh your balls off: Dani, in the world of bowlers you are now considered a free-baller. I know I should probably SPARE your feelings and lay off the jokes but sometimes making fun of those moments in life when we STRIKE out can help. So try to keep a sense of humor when you can and see how many other bowling terms you and your friends can come up with to describe your feelings surrounding this break-up. It might feel like a corny exercise but at least you’ll be laughing. Let me know what they are.

2) Channel surf: Make like Sheridan Spencer from Pretenders and channel a focused bowler who also happens to be seriously over this breakup. That’s right, fake it. Get into character before the game and act. I used to do that in high school in front of my crush after he dumped me. I would cry ever night but at school I acted like I had never been happier. It freaked him out and I got some joy from that. Your game will improve and so will your mood–at least until you get home.

3) Journal: Write about your sadness. This is the place for drama so let it rip. You can also write about the qualities you want in your next crush and ask yourself honestly how many of those qualities this guy had. Or write letters to the future love of your life. Talk to your next boyfriend like he really exists. Manifest him.

4) Put gum on the bottom of his bowling shoes: Yep, that’s what I said.

5) Focus: Part of being an athlete is tuning out the world and outside distractions. I’m not an athlete but I know one and I happen to have a lot of distractions. I downloaded The Art of Mental Training by D.C. Gonzalez and I listen to it on my phone when I need to get in the zone. There are a ton of helpful tips about staying focused and playing your best game. I believe his philosophies could apply to the dating game as well.

Now go bust some balls!!

TTYW,
Lisi

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I will share my opinion whether you ask for it or not. So imagine my joy when PaShai and Emma wrote to me and ASKED for advice. Yes, my friends, dreams do come true.

From PaShai:

Hi Lisi Harrison! I’ve read all your books about 300 times each! I’m not like any other girl that you have met. I have sickle cell anemia. And it is a very disturbing disease that triggers your back with excruciating pain..and if I don’t get it treated I could have a stroke or worse. Please Ms.Harrison you’re my only hope to accomplishing my dream. I want to talk to you about what kind books I would enjoy writing and what I would want to do with my first novel.

To PaShai:

Thank you for reading my books 300 times. I read your letter 301 times, so there! You sound like an incredibly brave person and I love your ambition. You should write that novel and I hope you enjoy doing it. But I can not be “your only hope” in accomplishing that. So I am respectfully returning all that hope you just sent my way so you can pin it on yourself instead. Only you can write this book. Only you know what you want it to be about. YOU! Write about something that speaks to your interests. Create characters who work through the kinds of issues you struggle with. Not necessarily someone with sickle cell anemia. That might be too exact. But you know what it’s like to feel pain. You know how it feels to have different challenges than your peers. You know how hard it is to stay strong when all you want to do is kick something and cry. So create a character who feels those things and then add a few things that you can’t relate to so you can have fun living as someone else for a while. That’s one of the best things about writing fiction. Your world, your rules. HAVE FUN!

From Emma:

Hi there! I have just finished the book Pretenders, and my family and friends are so relieved. They say these past few days they haven’t seen me at all, because I just had to finish the book soon because I was just so engaged and interested while reading this. You are now one of my all time favorite authors, and I can not wait until License to Spill comes out! I also had a question or two about writing. I have actually been working on a couple of books and I was wondering if you had any tips or tricks for any young aspiring writers? Thank you so much for being an amazing writer! Write on! (Get it? Whoops I’m corny).

To Emma:

Thank you Emma. License To Spill comes out June 24th. YAY! Tips and tricks for writing, huh? I wish, sister. There aren’t any tricks. You have to write every day. It’s that simple. Read books in the genre you are writing so you can see how other people do it. Keep a notebook with you and write down amazing details you stumble on during the day. It’s these details that will bring your writing to life. And read about writing. Books on the actual craft are very helpful and inspiring. Most of all don’t try to sound like anyone else. It’s your voice we want to hear because no one sees the world like you do. Now hit it.

TTYW,

Lisi

The post Letter Have It appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

I will try to get to all of your questions eventually, especially if you start them with Lisi, you give the best advice…, but this week my crushed heart goes out to Biebs Girl.

Lisi, you give the best advice… What do you think about dating someone who’s younger than you and way shorter? This really sweet guy is a Freshman and he told me he had a crush on me. I’m a Junior and my friends always say it’d be soooo wrong to even think about it. But I am. I’m about 5″4 and I’m pretty sure he’s like 5’4 or maybe slightly taller or shorter. Its just kinda awk how he’s a height close to mine. What do you think?

If I forgot what it was like to be in high school I’d say something not-at-all helpful like, “Who cares what your friends think. If he’s a good guy and you like each other that’s all that should matter.” Technically, that’s true but it sucks as advice because when you’re in high school friends’ opinions do matter. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying I accept it because if I didn’t I’d be feeding you that crap line and wondering why it didn’t help.

First order of business: My guess is these friends of yours are single or unhappy. If they were happy in relationships of their own they wouldn’t care who you liked as long as you were happy too. Know that. Don’t ever forget it. EVER! Some friends can be very supportive as long as they’re happy. When they’re not, many have a fear of being left behind and they will do and say whatever it takes to keep you from moving on without them.

Next: Do you really like this guy? Does he make you smile out loud? If so, Massie Block has a question for you:

Would you rather hang with an awesome guy your friends don’t think is tall enough to ride the roller coaster OR miss out on what could be a great time to keep your friends from yapping behind your back?

It takes courage to do things your friends don’t approve of. If you don’t find that courage now ,you’ll have to find it eventually because you won’t always agree on everything. And at some point in your life that’s going to have to be okay or you will have no clue who you are and you certainly won’t be happy.

Assuming you find the courage to live life for yourself and not your friends (it’s hard at your age, I get it) then it’s all how you spin it. Instead of acting all unsure and insecure show them how much fun dating a young same-sized guy can be. Put on your advertising hat and sell it. Start by telling them they are judging him based on the year his parents had sex. Gross, I know, but that’s really what it comes down to. It’s called ageism. No different than judging someone based on the color of their skin or the god they pray to.

Next, think of all the celeb couples who rocked that trend. Demi and Ashton, anyone? Fine, it didn’t end well but they had a great run. My husband is two years younger than me. My friend Noel married an ah-mazing guy who is six years younger than her. We live in a culture that worships youth. Make that work for you, sister. Be a Junior-cougar. Start a Junior Cougar Club. Junior girls who proudly date younger guys. Make it trend. Own it.#Juniorcougar

Find out if he has any friends that are interested in one of your friends. A double date perhaps? Maybe the young ones will get cheaper prices on movie tickets.

It hard to go against the social norms. Ask anyone who ever made a difference in this world. They’ll tell you.

Keep me posted!

TTYW,

Lisi

So many issues, so few Wednesdays. Keep sending your questions. I’ll answer another one next week.

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Lisi, you always have the best advice… so what should I do? I really like this guy at my school (he’s a year older thank gawd) but he’s not into good stuff. I’ve heard tons of bad things about him from everyone who knows him (like he use to be a dealer (maybe still is), is obsessive when he likes a girl, pretty much goes to raves every night, and other things). I don’t want to judge him because of what other people have said, because when we’ve talked he’s been so nice, sweet, and funny. I’ve been trying to stop liking him but I can’t. What should I do??

Oh, Mikaelya. Sweet, sweet Mikaelya. You’ve already made your first mistake. Trying NOT to like someone is as effective as trying not to dream. It’s out of our control, we all know that. Accept that the heart wants what the heart wants, even when the brain has a a major problem with it, and move on.

If there is some truth to the rumors you want to be careful. So here’s what I suggest. Make a list of values that are important to you (Honesty, safety, trust, self-esteem, not breaking the law…) Add some qualities you want from BadBoy (Respect, good judgement, no tartar…) Then ways you want BadBoy to make you feel (Safe, appreciated, heard, goddess…).

After each BadBoy encounter check your list. If being with him has made you stray from anything on it, draw an X through that item and then draw a bigger X across his “obsessive” face. Because he’s done. D-z-u-n, DZUN!

If, however, you are able to hang out with him, without sacrificing who you are or what you believe in, treat yourself to a box of glowsticks and Google “nearest rave”.

Same goes for all of you crush-puppies. Know what you want and don’t compromise. It takes courage and confidence. If you don’t know how to get courage or confidence I’d be happy to tell you… Just begin your comment with, “Lisi, you always give the best advice…” and check back here next Wednesday.

TTYW,

Lisi

The post How Good Girls Can Date Bad Boys appeared first on Lisi Harrison.

Hi Lisi!!

I know a girl that isn’t feeling very good about her self right now. She feels fat, ugly, worthless… She’s considered suicide. I’ve been trying to deter her from suicide, and so far I like to think I’ve been helping. I sent her 2 of your blah-g posts. The Faking Amazing one and There’s no I in Esteem. She confessed to me today she was going to start skipping lunches to loose weight, because it was the only meal she could skip without her parents knowing. I don’t know what to tell her, I don’t know how to help her. I can’t force her to eat because I never see her and even if I tried to I know she won’t. I asked her to at least eat a little bit, and loosing weight isn’t simply not eating. So I thought if one person can help, or at least give all the advice she can, it would be you.

Lisi please help, I don’t know what to do anymore!!

Also, if the girl I wrote this about reads this comment, I’m deeply sorry I posted it here. I just really think you need help, and no one offers better help than Lisi. Sorry.

Thanks Lisi,
Kathy

Kathy, you sound like an incredible friend and person. This girl is blessed to have you looking out for her. She might be too consumed with her own issues to know that now, but she will figure it out eventually. That said, there is only so much you, or I, can do to help her. I suggest you tell your parents what is going on and ask them to approach her parents. If they aren’t aware of their daughter’s situation, they need to be. And if they are aware, perhaps it’s time they got outside help. If this doesn’t seem like a good option, tell the school nurse or student adviser. Don’t tell other students because this will quickly become gossip and you don’t want to embarrass your friend.

Keep in mind she might resent you for “telling” on her and you need to be prepared for this. Sometimes people who are going through something difficult lash out at the people trying to help them because they’re scared and might feel ambushed or judged. Don’t take it personally. You are a fantastic friend–take that personally.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

hi!
its me, Sylvia, again. I know this is going to be a bit off topic, but I really need help.
There is this girl (lets call her Roxanne) and she is in my grade. I idolize her. Roxanne is pretty, smart, athletic, fast, cool and witty. She has lots of friends and knows a lot of other people.I know i yak off about this girl in my comments and I’m really sorry if its really annoying, but I’m just feeling so alone. My ‘best friend’ seems to be drifting away from me. In fact, EVERYONE is drifting away from me, even if they are not my friends, and believe me, I don’t feel as if I have friends anymore. real ones, to be exact. I spend my lunch hour hiding in the girls bathroom, reading, because i’m too afraid to go outside. Its not like I’m bullied or anything. Its that I’m ignored and looked down upon. I get cold looks and dull faces whenever I’m around. its been my daily routine to start the morning crying, spend my break times in the bathroom crying, and end the day in tears. I know it sounds pointless, but it really hurts to me, because all the girls in my grade are friends, and i’m that awkward loser standing outside their tight cluster, trying to win a spot to get in. I’m always the first one to send emails and smile at people, or start conversations, but I’m turned down faster than i can blink. it makes me feel awkward, annoying and unwanted, because when I send emails, I never get replies (or I get emails back about them asking me why i’m such a sap.). When i smile at someone, I get a cold, blank look back. When I try to talk to people, i’m easily ignored and shut out. now, if i really have to go outside, i have to run around trying to find the girls that used to be my friends, so i won’t stand around like a loser. i know i sound really selfish, but i really do try to make friends, or start our relationship again. everyday. Every single stinking second, I’m trying to smile and laugh and act witty. Just so I can get someone to look at me. My greatest achievement nowadays is when someone smiles at me. I feel like i’m walking on clouds. but now, no one waves when i wave at them, or they blame me for some stupid idea i never made up. It’s like I don’t exist to them! it gets to the point when i’m sobbing like a baby in the bathrooms. i don’t even want to live anymore. I know it sounds pointless or boring, but i’ve spent two years trying to make friends. I am absolutely desperate.
Sylvia

Sylvia,

My heart goes out to you. You sound incredibly lonely and confused. I would be too if I was doing the best I could and wasn’t getting the results I expected. I wish I could spend time at your school so I could see the dynamic between you and these girls. Maybe then I’d be able to understand what’s happening here. Since I can’t, I think you should speak to someone who might be able to take a closer look at your approach and/or the girls you are dealing with. Perhaps a student adviser or a therapist.

I love therapy. I’ve been going off and on for decades. There isn’t a shrink’s couch in NY or Laguna Beach that isn’t holding some of my loose change behind its cushions. There is nothing better than getting an outside person’s perspective. Someone who won’t judge you, gossip about you, or jump to conclusions. They will help you get to the bottom of these issues and set you on a more positive path. In the meantime, keep in mind that school is just one small part of your long life. It feels like everything now. I get that. But it’s not. We live in a big diverse world. If you don’t find your groove in school you will find it later. I promise. So focus on getting great grades for now. That way you can go to any college you want, instead of kissing the girls’ butts, you’ll be kissing them goodbye in no time.

Keep me posted.

Stay brave girls!!!

TTYW,

Lisi

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