Lisi Harrsion, Author

October 1, 2013

Selfie-Help: A Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie

First a word from our sponsor…

Today is the day, my friends!!!! I am so excited to share this novel with you. Finally!!! This is why I am posting today instead of my usual Wednesday. I seriously can’t be contained. I have lived with these secrets long enough. I must share.

Being a Pretender is lonely. Like in a superhero sort of way. You have this public persona and then this whole other thing going on internally and if you’re any good at it, no one knows. You must become your own best friend. Your own voice of reason. And most importantly, your own photographer. Stay calm little P’s. My Pretender’s Guide to the Perfect Selfie will help. At least …

September 25, 2013

Fake It to the Limit

Thanks to all of you who joined me in the lounge yesterday. It was a blast!!! I’m sorry about the technical difficulties, but you can watch the webcast here.

We’ve all heard the phrase, fake it ’til you make it. But these master pretenders started after they made it. Or maybe fame gave them the means to become the people they were truly meant to be. It’s impossible to know. If only we had their journals…

5. Snooki from MTV’s Jersey ShoreFrom naughty to hottie.

4. Miley Cyrus

From ah-dore to hard core.

3. Justin Timberlake

From rapper to dapper.

2. Heidi Montag of MTV’s Laguna Beach

From girl-next-door to door-knockers.

1. Lady Gaga, queen of pretending

From …

September 18, 2013

It’s Time We Had “The Talk”

Hey, do you have a second? …It’s nothing major, just that, you know, we’ve been hanging out for like, 10 years now and… while I think this weekly Blah-g thing is great, it’s starting to feel a little, I dunno, been-there-done-that… No, I’m not trying to end things. Actually, it’s the opposite. I was hoping we could have a real chat, like where I see your face and you see mine. Eyes blinking, mouths moving. Just us being us in real eastern / pacific standard time.

What do you say? Can we at least try it once and see how it goes?

Shhhhhh. Don’t speak. I’ll leave you with the details and you can think about it. But don’t think …

September 11, 2013

Humble-Blah-gging

Humble Bragging = Bragging about yourself while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example: I wrote the first two Clique books while working at MTV but when Best Friends for Never debuted at #7 on the New York Times Bestseller list I was forced to quit and write full time. Suddenly life became very lonely. It was awful.

Humble Blah-gging = Blah-gging about your new series while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example:

Wow! I am seriously spacey. I didn’t even realize I was holding the pens that promote my highly anticipated new series, Pretenders. Someone had to point it out to me. I must be losing my mind. Medic!

You know me. It’s …

September 5, 2013

#WeArePretenders

I, Lisi Harrison, am a Pretender. I have ventured beyond my limitations in a playful way. I have spray tanned, batted false eyelashes, dyed my hair, worn a water bra, and jammed my gut into SPANX! I’ve performed live concerts for invisible crowds and faked my period to get out of swim class. I’ve said it’s not him, it’s me when it was him and I’ve used a fake I.D. to vote. I’ve even claimed to use a fake I.D. to vote when it was really to rent a vehicle. I mean a bike. I mean… fine, I tried alcohol before I was 21. Kidding. It was to vote.

Aside from making up characters, dialogue and stories for a living, …

September 4, 2013

New Year’s Leave

It’s the Jewish New Year and I am late for dinner. Oy! Not a very good start if you ask me. I have a half-written blah-g saved as a draft, which I will finish the minute I get into the office tomorrow. I promise. It’s full of confessions and one big embarrassing secret about me. And no, the secret isn’t that I dropped the blah-g ball today. That’s not a secret. You already know that.

Shoot. Gotta run.

Shalom out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Lisi

…

August 28, 2013

Photographic Memory

Two amazing things happened last week while I was visiting my family in Toronto. Okay, I’m lying. So many amazing things happened because I spent an entire week with my bloods and we crack each other up. And since I’m (RHYME ALERT) no longer in their faces on a daily basis they appreciate my humor (humour) a lot more than they used which is good for the old confidence.

But two things stood out as Blah-g-worthy.

One is this picture I found. It’s my family the day I graduated Emerson College. Em er some serious glares from the flash but try to look past that.

At the time I had no idea I’d be a writer. No idea printed photographs …

August 21, 2013

Guest Post on the Office Elf Blog

Hi all,

Lisi is out of town vacationing in the motherland, aka Canada, and will be back next week to fill you in on her travels and progress with Pretenders book 2. For now, hop over to the Office Elf blog for my summer sickness survival guide. Click any of the vacationers wearing germ masks below to get redirected to the post.

Alisha…

August 14, 2013

WORK IT!

Massie: Hey, did you see that new Ashton Kutcher movie?

You: No. It’s not out yet.

Massie: Then why is everyone talking about Jobs?

I hear ya, Massie. Everyone IS talking about jobs. My niece, a recent college graduate, is desperate for one. So are her friends. We got to talking. I offered advice they didn’t ask for. Some they loved, some they thought was weird, most they knew their parents would hate. All of which I will now share with you. Because the only thing worse that putting together a resume is having to read fifty of them and still not find the right girl for the job.

1. Dress for the job you’re applying for, only a bit …

July 31, 2013

Erin is Carin’: My Editor’s Advice on How to Get Published

Kevy my life-crush has this one joke he loves to tell…

KEVY: What’s Lisi’s favorite thing to make for dinner?

ANYONE WITH EARS: I dunno, what?

KEVY: Reservations.

(Fake laughter.)

I roll my eyes when he tells it even though it’s true. I can’t cook. And those who can’t do should turn to those who can.

So when S.R. Rhodes sent me a message on Facebook on the difficulties of getting published, I turned to my brilliant editor, Erin, for the answer.

Need a visual? Here we are last week in my office. She was in San Diego for Comic-Con and stopped by Laguna for an afternoon of chit-chat and shopping. The owner of an ah-dorable local boutique called Isla…

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