There’s no I in ESTEEM.

My brain is so full of blah-g ideas my eyes are swelling. And yet I’m having a sticky writing day. So instead of giving you something clunky and gooey I’m going to keep this one simple. It’s a technique I made-up (there I go citing myself again) that helps with low self-esteem. I’ll use body issues as my example because this is something most of us can relate to, but you can do it with anything.

Okay let’s begin:

Close your eyes (after you read this) and imagine yourself on a beautiful beach. You are wearing a bikini and you are tanned. You feel good enough to enjoy the day and not stress about your looks. You’re having fun.

Then you see HER. Some girl, roughly your age, with an ah-mazing body, ah-mazing tan, and ah-mazing bikini. She looks relaxed and happy. Why wouldn’t she? Her life must be perfect. She is a shiny pin and you are a beach ball.Β All you have to do is see her andΒ pop! There goes your air. Suddenly, you’re full of self-loathing because you don’t look like her. Your good mood is ruined.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” While that makes logical sense, it’s not going to make us feel better. If anything, quotes like these make us feel worse because we know they’re true and yet we still feel like deflated beach balls. People who seem better than us crush our egos not because we are giving them our consent but because we are comparing ourselves to them. We say, “Why don’t I look like that?” or “What is she doing that I’m not?” or “Why does she have more discipline than I do?” “What’s wrong with ME?”

These thoughts manifest into real physical feelings. I’m serious. Close your eyes (after you read this) and picture yourself in this situation. Can you feel that stomach churn? The heaviness inside your chest? The slight vertigo? It feels like the flu.

Now, imagine this…

Close your eyes (after you read this) and imagine yourself on a beautiful beach. You are wearing a bikini and you are tanned. You feel good enough to enjoy the day and not stress about your looks. You’re having fun.

Then you see HER. Some girl, roughly your age, with an ah-mazing body, ah-mazing tan, and ah-mazing bikini. She looks relaxed and happy. STOP! Now say to yourself, “She looks beautiful.” STOP!

How does that feel inside your body? Different, right? It feels light, happy, full of love. Because you’re admiring (a positive feeling) instead of comparing (neggy feeling). Her beauty is no reflection on you. It just is. END OF STORY.

Now go admire someone and keep your eyes open in case someone happens to be admiring you.

photo

TTYW,

Lisi

35 Comments

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  • Brittney says:

    Hey does anyone on here have a pinterest? because I have thought of a cool fun little thing as Lisi’s fans we could do. does anyone want to hear? πŸ™‚ ( i am so excited!)

  • Lisa says:

    Dear EhMaFraud,
    Can you talk about summer love and any advice you have on how to get one? Can you also please share any summer love stories that you have? Have you ever had a summer love?
    I just want to know more about this topic because summer is coming up soon and im also going to middle school next year so I might be allowed to date… probably not. XD
    Love,
    Lisa

  • Sylvia says:

    hi!
    its me, Sylvia, again. I know this is going to be a bit off topic, but I really need help.
    There is this girl (lets call her Roxanne) and she is in my grade. I idolize her. Roxanne is pretty, smart, athletic, fast, cool and witty. She has lots of friends and knows a lot of other people.I know i yak off about this girl in my comments and I’m really sorry if its really annoying, but I’m just feeling so alone. My ‘best friend’ seems to be drifting away from me. In fact, EVERYONE is drifting away from me, even if they are not my friends, and believe me, I don’t feel as if I have friends anymore. real ones, to be exact. I spend my lunch hour hiding in the girls bathroom, reading, because i’m too afraid to go outside. Its not like I’m bullied or anything. Its that I’m ignored and looked down upon. I get cold looks and dull faces whenever I’m around. its been my daily routine to start the morning crying, spend my break times in the bathroom crying, and end the day in tears. I know it sounds pointless, but it really hurts to me, because all the girls in my grade are friends, and i’m that awkward loser standing outside their tight cluster, trying to win a spot to get in. I’m always the first one to send emails and smile at people, or start conversations, but I’m turned down faster than i can blink. it makes me feel awkward, annoying and unwanted, because when I send emails, I never get replies (or I get emails back about them asking me why i’m such a sap.). When i smile at someone, I get a cold, blank look back. When I try to talk to people, i’m easily ignored and shut out. now, if i really have to go outside, i have to run around trying to find the girls that used to be my friends, so i won’t stand around like a loser. i know i sound really selfish, but i really do try to make friends, or start our relationship again. everyday. Every single stinking second, I’m trying to smile and laugh and act witty. Just so I can get someone to look at me. My greatest achievement nowadays is when someone smiles at me. I feel like i’m walking on clouds. but now, no one waves when i wave at them, or they blame me for some stupid idea i never made up. It’s like I don’t exist to them! it gets to the point when i’m sobbing like a baby in the bathrooms. i don’t even want to live anymore. I know it sounds pointless or boring, but i’ve spent two years trying to make friends. I am absolutely desperate.
    Sylvia

  • Elsie says:

    Hi Lisi,

    I just had a question for you that I hope you will answer. Ok here it is: Do you have any kids? If so, what are their name’s? Boys or Girls? I kinda just wanted more info about your family.Anyway,these questions are optional to answer so I understand if you don’t want to answer them.

  • Zula says:

    Its almost 1am here and no blog yet… must stay awake…
    Zzz…ula

  • Maggie says:

    Everytime I write a long comment, my parents almost walk in on me. (Grounded :P) I have read every post every wednesday even if i don’t comment. β™₯you!

  • Angela says:

    Omg! This post is very helpful! I’ve been facing a lot of bullying @ school lately for my size. I have a very petite frame and am often called weak, anorexic, and other nasty things.
    This really helped!
    xoxo
    ~Angela (Riley, remember me frum fb)

  • Kathy says:

    Hi Lisi!!

    I know a girl that isn’t feeling very good about her self right now. She feels fat, ugly, worthless… She’s considered suicide. I’ve been trying to deter her from suicide, and so far I like to think I’ve been helping. I sent her 2 of your blah-g posts. The Faking Amazing one and There’s no I in Esteem. She confessed to me today she was going to start skipping lunches to loose weight, because it was the only meal she could skip without her parents knowing. I don’t know what to tell her, I don’t know how to help her. I can’t force her to eat because I never see her and even if I tried to I know she won’t. I asked her to at least eat a little bit, and loosing weight isn’t simply not eating. So I thought if one person can help, or at least give all the advice she can, it would be you.

    Lisi please help, I don’t know what to do anymore!!

    Also, if the girl I wrote this about reads this comment, I’m deeply sorry I posted it here. I just really think you need help, and no one offers better help than Lisi. Sorry.

    Thanks Lisi,
    Kathy

    • Julia says:

      Hey Kathy!
      I know what you are dealing with is tough. I know my post may not help, but it’s a try!
      You should sit down and literally just talk to her. Start off normal, then get in to what/who is making her do this to herself. Then, do these activites with her.
      1. Make note cards about what you two love about each other!
      2. Take turns one what you like about yourself
      3. This one is either a life-saver or rule-breaker. Take turns about what you don’t like about yourself. Not things like “I’m fat,” or “I’m ugly,” but “I eat unhealthy,” or “I wear too much make-up,” or something that you can help!
      4. Make ‘healthy and happy’ meals she can pack herself for lunch. Here’s an example: Low-fat turkey wrap, red-delicious apple, carrot sticks, and a low-fat yogurt.
      Hope these help! If not, sorry!! πŸ˜€

      • Kathy says:

        Thanks Julia!!
        That was super helpful, I don’t know how to deal with her all by myself. I’m only 12 and I’ve been trying to help her from hurting herself, it’s just really hard for me to deal with. I love your ideas, but the only problem is we live in different countries. I NEVER get to see her… I’ve been trying to help her over e-mail, but I can’t really force her to do anything, only the words I write can influence her. Words can be a very powerful thing, but not mine.

        Thank you so much for the help, it was really nice of you to answer, and to answer so soon!! I’ll try and use the advice you gave πŸ™‚

        Kathy

      • Julia says:

        Oh, wow! I had no idea you lived in different countries!! That makes you even more of an ah-mazing person!! You could try to tweek my advice, or figure out some better ones!!!
        Good luck!! πŸ˜€

  • Rhea says:

    The genius has spoken once again! *bows down
    By the way, I’m just really, really curious, but what were your insipirations when you made the… “clique speak” (LBR, Ehmagawd, etc…) and all those cool stuff (like the purple hair streak thing)?

  • Laura says:

    Great advice Lisi! I definitely compare myself to others, so I can connect with this post. Just the other day, I could not stop comparing myself to my best friends at a dance. They’re all tiny and pretty and not awkward and yeah. I’m basically a pale, weird giant in comparison. But next time I get too down on myself, I’m going to remember this. Thanks for the help Lisi! πŸ™‚
    Laura Marie

  • Dara says:

    Hi Lisi, I’m Dara. I’m a big fan of your books and Tuesday is my birthday πŸ™‚ I was hoping that for my birthday I could get a shout out from you even though you post blogs on Wednesday, that would really make my golden birthday (I’m turning 14 on May 14!) Okay well I hope it’s not too much. Bye πŸ™‚

  • lilly says:

    this is really good! I always look up to you lisi!

  • Laila N says:

    OMG. OMG. OMG.
    I need to show this to some of my friends. It bothers me especially, ’cause they’re all so beautiful and then they see someone else and they sigh admiringly, saying ‘she’s so skinny’. And I’m like a) why is skinny the definition of beauty? and b) all of what you said. Thank you. Thank you.

    & I might as well apply it to me too, though perhaps for other things. I wouldn’t dare imagine myself in a bikini. Would give me nightmares for months x)

  • srishti says:

    Thanks Lisi:) I’ll try it out and maybe be less of an internet-addicted introvert :p Maybe i do have low self-esteem… Well all I have to do is wait for someone very perfect to walk by… πŸ˜€
    Oh yeah guys check out my blog!!!

  • Kailee says:

    My favorite line in this post is “her beauty is no reflection on you.” Thanks for that. I totally get what it’s like to have low self-esteem, especially about body issues. It got me so low that I’d try to starve myself to lose weight and I literally was crazy over it. Now, I’m still a normal girl and get low self-esteem sometimes, but it’s so much better. It’s the best to read stuff like this that you and other people that I and many other girls admire. It’s a reminder to me of what is important and it makes me feel happy inside. So thank you πŸ™‚

    (ps. i did write a whole story of my experience with the body image and eating issues and stuff on my blog so if you would ever like to read it, it’s here: http://peach-lemonade.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-story-of-girl.html)

  • Julia says:

    I heart this post. I have this friend who has a REALLY low self-esteem. I actually am very proud of myself because I don’t care what other people think. Of course, sometimes I feel a little bad, but then i wipe it away. Want to know why? Because I know I’m strong. I know I’m smart. I know I’m nice. I have heard that I am beautiful, and i believe it. Not only on the outside but mostly inside.
    Now my friend, has acne. She is very pale, and can be pretty, but not always. I think she is ah-mazing, though. She is totally smart, witty, and nice. I tell her this. I don’t compliment on appearence, because you can not change that. I compliment on personality and clothes.
    This kind of got of topic (and may sound a little vain) but I tell you honestly, it’s not. You guys can do it too. Everyone knows there is something good about them. Find it and let it through. Surely you will find other things that go along.
    Because you are AWESOME.
    πŸ˜€

  • Becca S. says:

    True dat, Lisi!! I <3 that!!

  • April says:

    This really helps! No, seriously, it does!

  • Angela says:

    U should totally make another site for cool advice and stuff like this! Don’t u guys agree?

  • Ari says:

    This was needed. I, like a lot of others, do this and maybe I just need to STOP after the right place because if I continue I’ll feel worse and I don’t want that. Merci Beaucoup!

  • Kathy says:

    GREAT Blah-g Lisi!! This is great advice for me because I’m starting to be at that age when you feel self-concious about weight and beauty and stuff. So this can really help!!

    Thanks πŸ™‚
    Kathy

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