Squad Goals: Five Ways to Find Your Tribe.

 

Are you wandering the social desert looking for your tribe? Want to branch out because you’re not being treated like the wonder woman that you are? Can you relate to these comments?

Lisi, what’s your take on friend making? Do you think it is like love where people say if you look for it, you won’t find it? What’s a good way to find friends? -Kiana

 I don’t have a lot of friends, and feel really awkward when I meet new people. I don’t feel like I fit in. Mostly like a misfit. I probably have like 2 friends but they’re not even similar to me. Hopefully Lisi can help us both! -Lauren

Making true  friends can feel daunting, intimidating, and hopeless. We’re talking needle in a haystack situation, right? Wrong. It’s hard, but not impossible. Here are five ways to find your tribe.
  1.  Know your Value. Yes, it’s easy to feel like a dork when you’re trolling for a buddy. You’re all, “I hope they like me,” about everyone you meet, caring more about them accepting you than you accepting them. But keep that up and you’ll be buying friendship rings for back-stabbers by Friday. So make a list of five awesome things you have you to offer your FBFF (Future BFF) and keep that front and center while you’re trolling. Remember, they have to be worthy of YOU. In other words, don’t give the friend milk away for free.
  2. Manifesty your Bestie.  Now make a list of what you want in a friend. Interests, values, attitudes, sense of humor, level of athleticism… whatever five things matter to you. When you meet a potential candidate ask yourself how many boxes they check on your list. Anything less than four out of five and you should delete them from your cart. Think I’m being harsh? Re-read #1.
  3. Be the Bee. When I moved from New York City to Laguna Beach I didn’t know a single person. Long story short, I started a Dirty Book Club and I was never lonely again. That’s a very simplistic version but the point is I went after it. I found an activity that I thought was fun and I built a club around it. That’s right, instead of waiting to be invited, I did the inviting. It gave me a sense of control over the people I wanted to be with and the activities I wanted to do. So start a book club, a hiking club, a comic book club, and baking club…whatever you feel passionate about. Invite a few people and start make memories. Warning: If you become a controlling snot I will hunt you down. This is about bonding not bossing.
  4. Don’t Be The Bird. There’s a bird outside the window of my sunroom that needs some serious therapy. Every morning she knocks her tiny bird skull into the glass and tries to get in. This has yet to work and she has yet to give up. Some might call that perseverance. (Mostly, stalkers.) But I call it a massive waste of time and a headache waiting to happen. So ask yourself, are you the bird, trying to get into a clique that’s closed? If so, quit wasting your time. Look for open windows instead: school clubs, sports teams, acting lessons, karate lessons, photography classes…if you’re banging your head trying to get in, you’re in the wrong place.
  5. Be Likeable.  Not a kiss-ass or a pushover, just likable. Smile. Act interested. Laugh. Don’t gossip. Be kind. Be patient. Be the kind of person your FBFF would put on her list.

 

TTYW,
Lisi

4 Comments

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  • Lauren says:

    Thank you so much Lisi for putting me in your blog post 😊😊😊 I’m so grateful for your advice! Honestly, I can relate to the first tip because I’m not a people pleaser, but I feel like sometimes I have to be to make friends which is annoying. It is hard to find friends who are worthy of my time, or people who I’m interested in getting to know. Thank you for sharing your experiences in this post! When I moved away from my old home, I realized that my old
    Friends weren’t making me happy anymore, and that I could find new ones to fulfill that when I moved. Still searching though! Your blog is my favorite!!!
    xoxo
    -L

    • Lisi Harrison says:

      Finding quality people takes time. Stay positive and remain the kind of person people want to be around and they will come. Until then, read.

      xoxo Lisi

  • Kiana says:

    Wow. I am speechless. Truly blown away by your perspective. Just… well, is it really that easy?
    I’d like to thank you so much for responding to my question! I guess I shouldn’t say anymore that “I hope I find friends” either. If I find them, I’ll see if they’re worth it.
    What if you have “potential” friends, but they’re too busy? Is that considered “bad friend” behavior and shouldn’t bother?
    And also, if you have a great friend that makes the list, but eventually down the road they don’t anymore, what do you do? It’s kinda hard to just throw them away like, “even though you were a great friend, you aren’t anymore so bye.” I mean, what about all the history and how bad that would hurt their feelings? And what if it’s your boyfriend?

    P.S. Nice photo! After reading this, it only confirms more that you truly are my role model. I look up to you!

    • Lisi Harrison says:

      1. It’s simple, but not easy. Still, it can totally be done.
      2. These are busy times. Thankfully you can stay in touch over text, email, and SM. Both the girls in the picture I posted live in New York. Sadly, I only get to see them once/year if I’m lucky. Still, they are two of my closest friends in the world.
      3. People change. We change. Sometimes that means our relationships change too. This is totally natural and normal. I have a lot of friends who I once truly enjoyed who now feel toxic to me. So I have politely pulled back. No need to make a whole dramatic scene. Just PPB. (Read the sentence above, you’ll figure it out.)
      4. If it’s your boyfriend and you’re not happy anymore with him them PBU.
      xoxo Lisi

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