From Cliques to Clubs.

Hello my friends,

I can NOT stop listening to the Glee Cast version of Teenage Dream. I literally drove three blocks past my office so I could let the song play through for the third time in a row. Feel free to judge.

And now for the headline news… Most of you know I have been working my knockers off writing The Dirty Book Club. Is it done? Nope. But I’m powering through and I’m falling more in love with the story and characters every day. So much so that I’ve started giving life to the novel living before it’s born.

Go to http://www.cafepress.com/thedirtybookclub and check out the products I designed. I am getting the pillow cases for everyone in my own personal DBC because they are ah-dorable and we’re worth it.

In the coming months I will roll out tips for starting your own clubs. I’ll introduce you to the DBC’s reading list and the girls in my own personal club.

But for now, get yourselves some gear so everyone knows you’re a member. Yes, Massie, there’s a new Clique in town.

 

Life is messy, survival is dirty.

Lisi

 

 

ADVICE TO THE DAUGHTER I DON’T HAVE.

Hello my friends!

As promised I have attached a photo of last week’s extraction.

Still Life: Dead Rat.

rat

My apologies to those of you who would have preferred I show the unbagged version of what lay decomposing under my house. Believe me, I would have loved to. But I have a line–it’s thick and bold and drawn at a “dead rodent teeming with maggots”. Even the professional was dry heaving.

I do wish I had the temperament of sociopath–if only for the time needed to photograph and post the vile creature, because a teaching moment was lost. Mother Nature went to town on this beast and I am censoring her work. So I would like to teach something else so you don’t feel cheated. I call that something: The Rest of Your Life.

I have given this advice to the daughter I don’t have. And now I will give it to you.

1. Know the difference between love and infatuation. Love feels like being safe and at peace. Infatuation feels like a power struggle with a side of pit in your stomach.

2. Handle your finances. Never surrender that power and/or knowledge to your partner. If you are a stay-at-home mom or dad and don’t earn an income make sure you write the checks, have access to the accounts, and understand what’s going on. It’s easy to be ignorant in this area. Especially if you’re like me and numbers remind you of dead rats. But I have seen too many people get taken advantage of here. And I won’t let that happen to you.

3. If you are considering marriage ask yourself one question: Can I see myself growing old with this person? Can I see us taking care of each other when we start pooing our adult diapers? Like can I really see it? Zoom in on that person’s expression as they hose you down. Are you both laughing or do you feel shamed and pathetic? If not you’re not laughing you’re about to make a terrible mistake.

4. When a friend is in need don’t ask if you can do anything to help. Show up.

5. If you want to be loved, be loveable.

You’re welcome.

Happy Memorial Day. Take time out of your potato sack races to think of those who lost their lives and loved ones for us.

TTYW,

Lisi

Down with Wifi

internet distractions

 

I’m back on the Q&A kick and was moving down the line of your questions when I  noticed this one from Mandy.

Mandy says:

lisi, u always give the best advice. i need time management help! i always have a project a teacher gives halfway through the year and i do it completely last minute. its so hard! and i dont know how to eliminate distractions because research on the internet gets me to go to youtube or something and then im wasting one hour of my homework time!! any advice??

Mandy, you know just how to ask me for advice. I couldn’t pass up your question, mainly because I feel your pain with this one. The struggle is all too real. It’s gotten even harder to stay on target and keep procrastination at bay when a lot of what you’re doing in school (and as a writer) has you researching online. What I’m going to propose to you might sound preposterous at first, but bear with me. Let these marinate for a while and see if they’re things you can try out.

1) TURN OFF YOUR WIFI – That’s right. I said it. Go up to the wifi symbol in the upper righthand corner of your computer and click ‘off.’ This won’t be easy. Try it for twenty minutes at a time and see if you can make it without going into Internet withdrawals.
1a) If you truly can’t turn the wifi off because you need to do legitimate research AKA you’re so addicted the thought of breaking your wifi connection causes you to break out in hives, then get a program blocking app like SelfControl. This app is free for Macs and will allow you to block out any distracting websites (READ: YOUTUBE, FACEBOOK, TUMBLR) for set periods of time so you can get straight down to business without the constant itch to check your social media notifications. Have a PC instead of a Mac? There’s an option for that too. Go Cold Turkey.
1b) Turn your phone on silent and put it in a place you won’t constantly be checking it. Again, use the timer method by not letting yourself check texts and Instagram likes for 20 or 30 minutes until you can go a few hours without thinking of it.
1c) If neither of the above work, then take the old school route and do your research via books checked out from the library. Doing this has provided some invaluable research material for the Dirty Book Club that I’m currently writing.
 

2) GET CLEAR ABOUT YOUR DAILY GOALS – Whenever you sit down to work on a paper or a project, jot down specific goals you need to hit to complete it. Prioritize accordingly. The simpler the goals the better. It’s much easier to tackle smaller tasks like writing your thesis statement than to go head first into finishing a 15 page final paper.

 

3) DE-CLUTTER, REFLECT, REFOCUS – Take some time at the end of the night to clear all the clutter off your work space from that day so you can start fresh in the morning. Then think back on what you accomplished, what still needs some work and what you can do to hit your mark. By now, you’ll be on the right track.

 

I hope these tips help!

 

TTYW,

 
Lisi

Guest Post on the Office Elf Blog

Lisi is away on a mini holiday in Mexico this week enjoying some much needed sunshine and downtime. I’ve guest blogged in lieu of her usual post and am sharing some photos from this weekend’s huge literary event here in Los Angeles, the 2nd annual LA Art Book Fair. Click the obvious bumper sticker statement below to get redirected over to the Office Elf blog.

As usual, Lisi will be back next week!

xx,

Alisha

Happy Thanksgivukkah

Thanksgivikkuh

The book I am most thankful for has posted on Parade. Read about it here.