Forgive me Blah-g for I have sinned. It has been six months since my last entry about the Gracelet. So allow me to refresh your memory.

New series coming out. Phoenix Five. Most popular freshman’s secret journals are exposed. One of the characters, Vanessa Riley (check out her board on Pintrest) is a full-on over achiever. At least that’s what she wants people to believe. Anyway, she loves stockpiling awards. Among the many, she is in hot pursuit of—I’ll have her tell you:

“I entered the Girl Scout’s Young Women of Distinction contest. First place: Gold Award! Super prestigious. My entry is a bracelet with a secret compartment inside an envelope. You write a personal goal on a piece of paper and slip it inside. I named it a Gracelet to remind people to pursue their dreams with grace and to say grace once they achieve them. They are made by Haitian orphans. All proceeds go to their orphanage. I got the sample on Saturday. I’ll take orders Monday. There will be a school named after me by Friday.”

So what did I do? I found a FABULOUS jewelry designer at Gorjana & Griffin and she made Vanessa’s Gracelet. The crazy thing? The real life designer’s name is Vanessa. Here she is. Ah-dorable.

I got to see the first sample on Monday. Look! I’m a hand model.

That envelope flap lifts up and there’s a slot inside. It’s just the right size for hiding a slip of paper that states your secret mission. You can write anything from: Be a better friend to let my bangs grow out. It can be world-changing or selfish and shallow. That’s the beauty. No one sees it but you. When your mission is completed scrap the scrap and write a new one. Do you love or LOVE?

Okay now listen up. This is where you come in. You will have a choice of gold or silver for the envelope. FYI I’m gold, all the way. You will also get to choose from 3 different color cords. The cord will look like the 5.0 inch below (only not poo colored.)

There are lots of colors to choose from. This is me thinking I’m a designer, trying to choose 3.

There were so many to choose from. And I being a consistent gold and brown, can not possibly speak for you. Are you a pink-silver? A blue-gold? A green-gold? Help me help you. Here are the color samples. Tell me which color you like by giving me its number. Top 3 win.

I should get the next sample in a month. I’ll post it then. When all is said and done it will go on sale when P5 launches in September 2013. Proceeds go to a charity you choose.
Vanessa, you think of everything!!!




You are sophisticated enough to know that a faux-pas is the fancy French way of saying, what we North American’s typically call, “a fu#%-up.” Or what I, being far too eloquent to curse might refer to as, “a blunder” or “a mistake.” But have you heard of the phone-pas? Doubtful since as of post-time I am convinced I coined the term, which means, “a blunder we make with our phones”.

In celebration of the new iPhone5 I present 5 PHONE-PAS you MUST avoid.

1. It’s 2012. Even vampires show up on film these days. So don’t let a camera and microphone convince you that you have something smart to say. If you don’t know what you’re talking about make like an external drive and zip it. But if you must give your opinion it’s always best to act unimpressed. Unlike these people.

2. There is absolutely no clever way of saying this so I’m going to give it to you straight. It’s super ah-nnoying hanging out with you while you’re texting, checking, posting, tweeting, or searching. You’re basically saying, “Whatever you are talking about is a serious snoozer. But the people in my address book? Truly fascinating!”

3. Unless you are an on-call doctor first on the organ transplant list you better be looking in my eyeballs and hanging on my every 3-D, HD word.

4. Phones are like elbows. Get them off the table.

Fine, sometimes I eat with my elbows on the table. But I’m serious about the phones. It just leads to issue #2 and you know how I feel about that.

5. CRUCIAL: If you are going to use acronyms know what they mean. A few days ago I texted my mom who is new to ‘the text message’ and still finding her way. But still. I wrote to tell her I had food poisoning. And do you know what the woman sent back?


I kid you not. I couldn’t believe how heartless she was. I am an adult, yes, but I was weak and vulnerable and I wanted some mommy love. She called me later so of course I asked why she thought my brush with death (drama sells, baby) was so laugh out loud funny. And you know what she said?

“Lisi, I didn’t think it was funny. I was sending you LOL–Lots Of Love!”

I mean, come awn.
TTYW (Mom, that means Talk To You Wednesday.)




Spray It Forward

We’ve all heard the expression, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” We’ve heard, “Life imitates art.” But yesterday, I birthed its love child. Meet, “You are seriously, never in a billion years, ehv-er, going to believe this.” Born, Wednesday, September 12th at approximately 2:30 PM/PST.
I had twenty pages to go on my Phoenix Five revision. Right on schedule. After I sent draft two to my editor I would post my Blah-g, and then file my quarterly taxes. A to-do-list-lover’s dream day.
Being human, I took a break and bought a salad from a fancy, organic, vegan, healthy-high-horse, we’re-awesome-‘cause-we-eat-kale-instead-of-anything-with-eyes-or-lungs-and-our-yogurt-has-live-active-cultures-in-it kind of place. And a Coke Zero. (Human remember?)
I returned to my desk to eat and finish off my last twenty pages. This being one of them.

Screen Shot of "Too Much Barfing" Note from Erin

Click to enlarge photo.

Can you zoom that blue box on the right? It’s a note from Erin, my editor. She is telling me to stop making so many “barf” references. She thinks there are too many in the book. She suggested I have Duffy feel “dizzy” instead. I agreed and made the change. I typed “dizzy” and (here’s the freaky part) I began to feel dizzy. I typed “sweaty” and began to sweat. I re-read the barfing moment and I swear I began to dry heave.
I started to panic.
Twenty-Five Things You don’t Know About Me.
1 through 25: I HATE PUKING.
I get it, no one likes it. But it is one of my biggest fears EVER! I’d rather be trapped in a crowded elevator and have violent diarrhea than puke in privacy. Also, I have never puked in a toilet. I can’t possibly see how sticking my head in a contaminated bowl is supposed to make me feel better. Plastic bags or trash cans only. So trash can it was.
I was crying, sweating, and dying alone. I wanted to text Kevy my life-crush but I couldn’t move. Eventually I managed.
I typed:
(No response)
I reach out to Siri. Thank gawd someone was there for me.

Ca-lling Ke-vy Harrison.
He answered on the first ring, “Hey, babe!”
I couldn’t help wondering how someone could be that close to his phone and not notice the texts. But I was too weak to fight.
“Puking. Hurry.”
He walked into my office five minutes later, laughed, and said, “Holy sH!# you look bad.”
Again, too weak to fight.
I think we rode home in our golf cart. I don’t remember.
I called the restaurant today to tell them about their evil food. They offered me a free yogurt. I invited them to join me in a crowded elevator.
Off to do my taxes now. Jealous?


P.S. Thank you for the positive feedback on the new site. I know some of you miss the old one so to help you acclimate we are working to bring back the old background, or at least get a familiar color scheme going. Let me know if that helps once it’s installed.

Bad News, friends.

Sad Face Pug

Lisi is extremely sick today. 😦 She just mustered up the energy to let me know she won’t be able to post today so that I could pass on the word to you. She will be back tomorrow with a new Blah-g. Come back then to read her latest post!



Um, Lisi, Did You Get Lasik Eye Surgery?

Then what’s with the new site?
Simple. I’ve been rocking the LH Wallet for five years Purse-Wallet Site

and, like most wallets, it needed change. (Yep, pun intended. New site, same old humor.)

I know, I know. It looks sooooo different. And different can be scary. So place your virtual hand in mine and let’s explore our new hang spot together.

Look up. Top right corner.

Facebook? Hello, friend.
Twitter? Tuh-weet.
Pintrest? I thought you’d never ask.

One click and we’re connected. I realize you know how it works. But did you know that I have quit being a Twitter quitter? Pinky-swear. I will be tweeting constantly now, updating you on my latest #SIC (Sharing Is Caring) obsession. SIC is a quick look at something ah-mazing that I am compelled to share with you. Now look right. The five most recent tweets will be displayed over there, in the sidebar.

Wanna see what I see in my head? (Just the writing stuff, don’t worry.) Then follow me on Pinterest. All of my new characters have boards! Go on, introduce yourself to the Phoenix Five characters (Sheridan, Jagger, Lily, Vanessa, Duffy). Then say hello to the original 1962 Dirty Book Club members (Gloria, Marjorie, Dot, Liddy). The present day member boards are in the works so keep checking back for more. I am obsessed!

Now look all the way up. The Navigation Bar has my current bio, info on the books I’ve written and where they can be purchased online, and press interviews. Oh, see that button that says Follow? Click on that if you want to know when I’ve posted my Wednesday Blah-G. Yep. We’ve taken the guess work out of it. You’re welcome.

Look down.

Your Comments will be your comments. No surprise there.
My Comments will be weekly shout outs, birthday wishes, or other things I might want to mention based on your comments. I know, I need to get a dry erase board or something cuter than an index card. A photographer would also be nice. So would a bathroom break because I seriously have to pee. If anyone else has to go please do it now…

…Okay, I’m back.

Chihuahuawatch is really just an excuse to exploit my dog Bee Bee’s
ah-dorableness. And hawnestly? The title cracked us up. Go on, say it out loud. How fun is that?

Um, that was not hypothetical. I really want to know how fun it was. I want to know what you think of everything. After all, I built this site for you. (Truth? Alisha, my brilliant office elf did the building. I just barfed ideas all over her cute outfits and then went back to writing.) So start filling up your spacious new comments section. Homework can wait!

Lisi V 2.0