Friendship Talk on the Office Elf Blog Today

Hi everyone. Bad news… Lisi’s good friend had an emergency, so she is gone for the day being supportive. She asked me to step in and post a Guest Blog in lieu of her usual post, but she will be back next week to address your EhMaFraud questions.

Click the birthday balloon in the sad dog’s mouth below to transport your computer, iDevice or other Smart Phone screen to the Office Elf blog.

Birthday Pup

x x

Alisha, Office Elf

They don’t call me EhMaFraud for nothing.

If I had a degree in psychology I’d change the name of this ragtag advice column from EhMaFraud to EhMaFREUD. But until then the FRAUD is there because my only teacher thus far is life. And while my experience with boys, friends, parents, careers, writing, and wardrobes can be of service to you, there are some areas that I am not fully equipped to handle. Here are two examples from two ultra brave girls:

Hi Lisi!!

I know a girl that isn’t feeling very good about her self right now. She feels fat, ugly, worthless… She’s considered suicide. I’ve been trying to deter her from suicide, and so far I like to think I’ve been helping. I sent her 2 of your blah-g posts. The Faking Amazing one and There’s no I in Esteem. She confessed to me today she was going to start skipping lunches to loose weight, because it was the only meal she could skip without her parents knowing. I don’t know what to tell her, I don’t know how to help her. I can’t force her to eat because I never see her and even if I tried to I know she won’t. I asked her to at least eat a little bit, and loosing weight isn’t simply not eating. So I thought if one person can help, or at least give all the advice she can, it would be you.

Lisi please help, I don’t know what to do anymore!!

Also, if the girl I wrote this about reads this comment, I’m deeply sorry I posted it here. I just really think you need help, and no one offers better help than Lisi. Sorry.

Thanks Lisi,
Kathy

Kathy, you sound like an incredible friend and person. This girl is blessed to have you looking out for her. She might be too consumed with her own issues to know that now, but she will figure it out eventually. That said, there is only so much you, or I, can do to help her. I suggest you tell your parents what is going on and ask them to approach her parents. If they aren’t aware of their daughter’s situation, they need to be. And if they are aware, perhaps it’s time they got outside help. If this doesn’t seem like a good option, tell the school nurse or student adviser. Don’t tell other students because this will quickly become gossip and you don’t want to embarrass your friend.

Keep in mind she might resent you for “telling” on her and you need to be prepared for this. Sometimes people who are going through something difficult lash out at the people trying to help them because they’re scared and might feel ambushed or judged. Don’t take it personally. You are a fantastic friend–take that personally.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

 

hi!
its me, Sylvia, again. I know this is going to be a bit off topic, but I really need help.
There is this girl (lets call her Roxanne) and she is in my grade. I idolize her. Roxanne is pretty, smart, athletic, fast, cool and witty. She has lots of friends and knows a lot of other people.I know i yak off about this girl in my comments and I’m really sorry if its really annoying, but I’m just feeling so alone. My ‘best friend’ seems to be drifting away from me. In fact, EVERYONE is drifting away from me, even if they are not my friends, and believe me, I don’t feel as if I have friends anymore. real ones, to be exact. I spend my lunch hour hiding in the girls bathroom, reading, because i’m too afraid to go outside. Its not like I’m bullied or anything. Its that I’m ignored and looked down upon. I get cold looks and dull faces whenever I’m around. its been my daily routine to start the morning crying, spend my break times in the bathroom crying, and end the day in tears. I know it sounds pointless, but it really hurts to me, because all the girls in my grade are friends, and i’m that awkward loser standing outside their tight cluster, trying to win a spot to get in. I’m always the first one to send emails and smile at people, or start conversations, but I’m turned down faster than i can blink. it makes me feel awkward, annoying and unwanted, because when I send emails, I never get replies (or I get emails back about them asking me why i’m such a sap.). When i smile at someone, I get a cold, blank look back. When I try to talk to people, i’m easily ignored and shut out. now, if i really have to go outside, i have to run around trying to find the girls that used to be my friends, so i won’t stand around like a loser. i know i sound really selfish, but i really do try to make friends, or start our relationship again. everyday. Every single stinking second, I’m trying to smile and laugh and act witty. Just so I can get someone to look at me. My greatest achievement nowadays is when someone smiles at me. I feel like i’m walking on clouds. but now, no one waves when i wave at them, or they blame me for some stupid idea i never made up. It’s like I don’t exist to them! it gets to the point when i’m sobbing like a baby in the bathrooms. i don’t even want to live anymore. I know it sounds pointless or boring, but i’ve spent two years trying to make friends. I am absolutely desperate.
Sylvia

Sylvia,

My heart goes out to you. You sound incredibly lonely and confused. I would be too if I was doing the best I could and wasn’t getting the results I expected. I wish I could spend time at your school so I could see the dynamic between you and these girls. Maybe then I’d be able to understand what’s happening here. Since I can’t, I think you should speak to someone who might be able to take a closer look at your approach and/or the girls you are dealing with. Perhaps a student adviser or a therapist.

I love therapy. I’ve been going off and on for decades. There isn’t a shrink’s couch in NY or Laguna Beach that isn’t holding some of my loose change behind its cushions. There is nothing better than getting an outside person’s perspective. Someone who won’t judge you, gossip about you, or jump to conclusions. They will help you get to the bottom of these issues and set you on a more positive path. In the meantime, keep in mind that school is just one small part of your long life. It feels like everything now. I get that. But it’s not. We live in a big diverse world. If you don’t find your groove in school you will find it later. I promise. So focus on getting great grades for now. That way you can go to any college you want, instead of kissing the girls’ butts, you’ll be kissing them goodbye in no time.

Keep me posted.

Stay brave girls!!!

TTYW,

Lisi

Guest post today on the Office Elf Blog

Hi everyone. 🙂 I know it’s a late Blah-g post today–apologies in advance. Lisi and I were working on The Dirty Book Club and time slipped away from us. She had to finish off the day meeting her deadline, so she asked me to guest Blah-g this week. Lisi will be back next Wednesday with her usual post. For today, come gush over how good The Great Gatsby is. The movie and the book!

Click Leonardo DiCaprio’s face below to read the Office Elf blog.

Gatsby!

x’s and o’s,

Alisha

There’s no I in ESTEEM.

My brain is so full of blah-g ideas my eyes are swelling. And yet I’m having a sticky writing day. So instead of giving you something clunky and gooey I’m going to keep this one simple. It’s a technique I made-up (there I go citing myself again) that helps with low self-esteem. I’ll use body issues as my example because this is something most of us can relate to, but you can do it with anything.

Okay let’s begin:

Close your eyes (after you read this) and imagine yourself on a beautiful beach. You are wearing a bikini and you are tanned. You feel good enough to enjoy the day and not stress about your looks. You’re having fun.

Then you see HER. Some girl, roughly your age, with an ah-mazing body, ah-mazing tan, and ah-mazing bikini. She looks relaxed and happy. Why wouldn’t she? Her life must be perfect. She is a shiny pin and you are a beach ball. All you have to do is see her and pop! There goes your air. Suddenly, you’re full of self-loathing because you don’t look like her. Your good mood is ruined.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” While that makes logical sense, it’s not going to make us feel better. If anything, quotes like these make us feel worse because we know they’re true and yet we still feel like deflated beach balls. People who seem better than us crush our egos not because we are giving them our consent but because we are comparing ourselves to them. We say, “Why don’t I look like that?” or “What is she doing that I’m not?” or “Why does she have more discipline than I do?” “What’s wrong with ME?”

These thoughts manifest into real physical feelings. I’m serious. Close your eyes (after you read this) and picture yourself in this situation. Can you feel that stomach churn? The heaviness inside your chest? The slight vertigo? It feels like the flu.

Now, imagine this…

Close your eyes (after you read this) and imagine yourself on a beautiful beach. You are wearing a bikini and you are tanned. You feel good enough to enjoy the day and not stress about your looks. You’re having fun.

Then you see HER. Some girl, roughly your age, with an ah-mazing body, ah-mazing tan, and ah-mazing bikini. She looks relaxed and happy. STOP! Now say to yourself, “She looks beautiful.” STOP!

How does that feel inside your body? Different, right? It feels light, happy, full of love. Because you’re admiring (a positive feeling) instead of comparing (neggy feeling). Her beauty is no reflection on you. It just is. END OF STORY.

Now go admire someone and keep your eyes open in case someone happens to be admiring you.

photo

TTYW,

Lisi

Help!

ReadyPost

 

 

Hey everybody, I need your help.

I was just about to sign this Monster High 4 book and send it to one of my lovely fans when I realized I can’t find the letter that came with it. I must have misplaced it during all the chaos of writing. Will you please let me know who sent this to me? And please, please, PLEASE be honest because I’m trusting you. Fingers crossed the one who sent me this will read this post!

xoxo