Leggo my Ego

In high school my go-to chocolate bar was Twix. I never grew tired of the chocolate-caramel-cookie combo, but my love stretched far beyond the superficial. It was more about the challenge. How much chocolate and caramel could I scrape off the cookie using only my bottom teeth? On a great day–all of it. Medium day–a few caramel smears. Bad day–chocolate skid marks.

This is how I stayed occupied while my mom ran boring errands. Now it’s a metaphor for how I process rejection.

Rejection comes in many forms. A broken heart, not making the team, not being invited, not getting that scholarship, not getting into your dream college, not getting the job, not getting that book deal, not getting in the club, losing the starring role, waking up to the word REJECT written across your forehead…

Rejection is gutting. It makes us feel inadequate. But that feeling will fade faster than Sharpie ink if you give them the Lisi Harrison Twix Treatment.

twix

TWIX TREATMENT: CODE

Chocolate = Your own damn fault.

Caramel = Ego.

Cookie = The bottom line.

I have Selena and Justin’s break-up on the brain so let’s start with getting the ol’ heart broken.

1. The first layer you need to scrape away is the chocolate. So ask yourself: How much of this break up is my own damn fault? Try to come up with at least three honest answers. Were you clingy? Jealous? Critical? Flirty with others? Bossy? Obsessed? Distant? Mean? Sneaky? Snoopy? Knowing I had something to do with my rejection makes me feel better. Not only do I learn from my mistakes, but I don’t feel like the victim of a random act of violence.

If you got fired ask yourself: Did you give it your best shot? Were you always on time? Did you get along with your co-workers? Were you trying to improve or did you get lazy?

More often than not we play a part in our own rejections. Yes, sometimes bad things happen for no reason. I’ll get to that in a minute. For now keep scraping…

2. Time for the caramel layer–our egos. Hidden just below the surface our egos have a sneaky way of taking over. Their job is to make us think we–and our current problems–are the only things that matter. And they are wrong. We must scrape them away by asking ourselves: how much of my sadness is related to the actual issue and how much is related to not wanting to be rejected?

Do I really think this person is the best partner for me? Did we really have fun when we hung out together? Did they make me feel comfortable and at ease or was I always trying to impress them? Did they make me a better version of me or did they reduce me to an insecure mess? Am I upset because I will miss him or because he chose someone else and now I feel like a hideous loser?

Now work. Was this job really making me happy? Am I bummed because I was rejected or because I won’t get to do ____ for 40 hours a week? Am I upset because I am ashamed of being fired or because no one loved that job more than I did?

Any time I can admit my sadness is a result of a bruised ego v.s. losing something I truly loved, I heal faster.

3. The cookie is the bottom line. It’s bare and hard. It’s truth. It’s the part of rejection that is real. The part that says, I know you gave it your all, but someone else was better. Sh!% happens. We can’t rationalize it. All we can do is swallow it.

Or …

* Make a list of five good things that will come of this rejection. Then start referring to it as an opportunity.

*Oprah magazine once published an article about making tough decisions and getting over loss. The trick is to ask yourself how this will impact you ten minutes from now. Then ten days from now. Then ten months. Then ten years. It really helps put things into perspective.

*Binge on Twix bars until you get so sick you forget about your sadness.

I hope this helps. Next week I will be answering ten questions you asked me in the comments section. Try to make them interesting. Nothing about the Clique movie. There’s only one. It’s a bummer, I know. Talk about rejection.

Moving on…

TTYW,

Lisi

“Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

Sage Advice

Sara, I don’t know who you are but I think I love you. You posted a comment last week in response to Julia and Arianna’s boy troubles. Was I about to respond to them? Yes! Did I change my mind after I read your thoughtful and insightful rant? You bet’cha! I couldn’t possibly compete with that. Look at my photo comment below. “Great advice Sara” was all I could muster. I was at a loss for words. You’re that good.

I wanted to call you for a private session this morning but I didn’t have your number. You see, Sara, I have been a little blocked lately. Not in a need-bran-sort-of way. Not in a stupped-up-dose-sort-of-way. And nawt in a Massie-sort-of-way. More like I am aswirl (I just made up that word and I love it!) with heavy energy. It’s true. I fancy myself a lighthearted lass but lately I have been dark and stormy.

What’s that, Sara? You want to know what might have started this?

Whell…the nutshell version is between Halloween, Pretenders, Thanksgiving, Dirty Book Club, Hawaii, Pretenders, Chanukah, Blog, Christmas, Dirty Book Club, New Years, New Years Day, Blog, Mexico, Tumblr, Groundhog Day, Valentines Day, Pretenders, Friday, Dirty Book Club, life in general, taxes, bills, blogs…I seem to have misplaced my focus. And this has made me anxious and creatively blocked.

I wanted to talk, Sara, I did. But you were at school and so I did the next best thing. On my way to the dry cleaners this morning I pulled up to a crystals and incense kind of place in Laguna called The Chakra Shack. I swear on my seventh house. I have no idea what I was looking for but I went for it anyway.

There happened to be a psychic reader with an availability at 10:30 and it happened to be 10:29, so I went for it again. If anything I’d get a Blah-g post out of it, right?

My psychic advisor asked if she could hold something of mine. I gave her my necklace. Then I tried not to laugh as she rolled her eyes back in her head and began to summon things…

necklace

“People are sucking your energy…you have to establish boundaries…you are afraid to finish something…you are carrying negative energy…”

Was she right? Sure. Could this apply to most of us? Probably. Did I want to tell her this? YES! So I did. Then I asked what I (and the rest of humanity) should do about it.

She told me to release my negativity to the universe and then burn it away with sage or palo santo.

sage  CHECK!

To envision my goals while meditating.

candle  CHECK!

“What if none of this works?” I asked.

“Contact, Sara,” she said.

So, I did that too.

Thank you Chakra Shack. You are the wind-chimes beneath my wings.

TTYW,

Lisi

Love/HATE!

blahgvdayphoto

I’d like to begin today’s Blah-g with a poem…

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I hate Valentines Day,

How about you?

If you are one of the few people who enjoy this Hallmark holiday, forgive me. But I have been  dumped, disappointed, stood-up, bored, food poisoned, acne infested, dateless, depressed through decades of them and the novelty has worn off. But hey, if you’re into it, enjoy if you possibly can.

For those of you who are staying home like me because you have nothing else to do would rather read, check out my new Tumblr.

If you are totally clueless unfamiliar with this photo and information-sharing site, don’t beat yourself up. Only 93.7 million blogs and 43 billion posts a few fashionistas, bands, news channels, business owners people are using it. And now I am too.
Pintrest is for my characters, Facebook is for my fans, Twitter is for my finds, and Tumblr is going to be for all things pretentious literary. This is where I’ll share the things I love about reading, online shopping, writing, books, and quotes, most of which I will have written or plagiarized.

Follow me now I invite you to take a look. Follow me, I said!

Http://lisiharrison.tumblr.com

And please, have a very happy Valentine’s Day. Cupid still wears a diaper and it smells like heartache!

TTYW,

Lisi

ARTS & DRAFTS

Hola! My body is back from Mexico but my brain has missed the connecting flight. This has been a week of nothing but Thursdays for me and I’m not sure why. Monday I was acting like it was Thursday. Yesterday? I made a dinner reservation for “tomorrow” thinking it was Friday. And today I showed up at a meeting that is scheduled for tomorrow–Thursday! Wishful thinking or permanent damage from my attempt to surf? Unclear. But it was worth it because I had a blast.

I hope you liked the pictures I Tweeted. Those are the only (appropriate) ones I had on my phone. The rest will trickle in as everyone uploads their cameras so I will share more as they come.

While I was away Office Elf Alisha did an ah-mazing job keeping things moving. Thank you for Blah-gging and for posting the cover of PRETENDERS. What do you think of the official name? After considering thousands, PRETENDERS was the clear winner. And it only took 11 months. (Gulp). More proof that writing is a “process.”

Developing, drafting, redrafting, deleting, loving, hating, loving again, editing… you really have to adore the ACT of writing because that’s what this is really about. The ACT. Once the piece is complete you are no longer writing it. It’s done. You have birthed the baby and the rush is gone.

Do you love your baby? Too bad. It doesn’t belong to you anymore. It belongs to the reader now. She may love it, she may hate it. She may think it’s meh. The only part of it that was yours and yours alone was the process. This applies to all artists, not just writers. It takes a lot of patience and passion to succeed because as every artist knows there are hundreds of no’s for every yes.

Don’t believe me? Look at these early versions of the book cover.

LTS cover#1            LTS2

LTS3        Pretenders ARC cover

While they are no where close to being as fab as the final we never would have ended up here without them. So here’s to all of our rejects. Thank you for sucking. Without you the winners wouldn’t be possible.

Happy Thursday!

TTYW,

Lisi