ALPHA MAIL

SHY CONTACT

 

shy

Dear Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I am super shy and quiet with people I don’t know well yet. It’s BAD. The worst part is that the guy I like is really shy too and now I’m wondering if I have zero chance with him if he also thinks I’m intimidating. Can you give me any tips on how to seem more approachable? Help!
~ Em

 

Dear Em,

You are the perfect candidate for the SEA Method.  This highly developed social tool (I made it up) has been scrutinized by behavioral psychologists (me)  and has proven (to me) to be the best tool for letting others (crushes) know that behind those downcast eyes is a girl (social animal) waiting to be discovered (pounced upon).
Simply put, the SEA Method stands for SMILE, EYE CONTACT, and ACT.  Here’s the breakdown:
 
SMILE:
1. The fastest way to put someone at ease is to smile. Really, that’s it. Do the corners of your mouth have to graze your ears? No. Start small and keep it sweet. A quickie as you pass in the hall. Another when your eyes meet in class… that kind of thing.  Imagine your shyness is a block of ice and your little smile is a lighter’s flame. Each time you spark one you’re melting away the barrier that stands between you and the people you want to get to know.   
Smiling also has great physical benefits. Don’t believe me? Close your eyes and smile. Feel that surge of euphoria? That’s serotonin—a chemical produced in our brains and intestinal tracts that’s responsible for maintaining our mood balance. Each time you smile you feel the effects. So go for it. No prescription necessary. 
shy 
EYE CONTACT:
2. Okay, enough smiling. Open your eyes and keep them open. No good will come from smiling at someone if you’re looking at your Tom’s. They’ll either think you’re in love with your shoes or you have gas. You have to make eye contact when you smile. Nothing prolonged or cheesy. A second will do the trick as long as you hit your mark. 
 
People are insecure and need reassurance that they won’t be rejected when they approach you. Smiling and eye contact are the surest ways to make yourself look confident and to show others that you approve of them. 
shy flirting
 
ACT:
3. Em, I know what you’re thinking. “Um, Lisi, what part of you doesn’t understand that I’m shy?? If I could smile at boys and look them in the eye I wouldn’t have written to you. I’d be out there, right now, collecting names and numbers.” And to you, sweet Em, I say, ACT! 

Nothing new is easy at first. Greatness of any kind begins with a goal. Then we do the hard, uncomfy work required to reach it. That’s what my latest series, Pretenders is all about. Confidence is one of those qualities that grows as you exude it. Soon what you once pretended you now possess.

I’m not suggesting you wake up tomorrow, charge into school all smiles and personality. Just take tiny steps each day toward your goal and before you know it that ice block will melt into a cube, then a puddle, and in time the whole darn thing will evaporate.  When it does, Em, please send it to California. We need the rain.

TTYW,

Lisi

MY YALLWEST FACE

YALLWEST

YALLWEST over the weekend was a blast. For those who couldn’t make it I’m sad we didn’t get our face time in, but I’ve included some highlights below to make up for it. Here’s a very behind the scenes look to start off.

YALLWEST

I moderated the panel “Do popular things automatically suck?” Turns out they don’t. Lovely authors Maya Van Wagenen, Danielle Paige, Victoria Aveyard and Morgan Rhodes were panelists.

YALLWEST

My dear friend and famed editor Erin Stein sniper snapped this shot of me moderating panelists in leather leggings. Realized when I got home I’d worn them backwards. At least in person I pretended to be cool (#WeArePretenders 24/7) and some people actually bought it, as evidenced by Danielle Paige’s tweet.

The infamous, aforementioned green room. It was buzzing all day like this.

YALLWEST

Naturally, we took selfies. So many selfies. Here’s one featuring Erin, author Shannon Hale and me. Love these ladies.

YALLWEST

Reading our “1 Star” reviews.

 

If you’re not following me on Twitter then you didn’t know I was posting behind the scenes videos at the event. You don’t want to miss something urgent like that again so go follow me now. I’ll wait.

Reemerging for a little sunlight and book fest fun did me wonders but this week I’m back in my writer’s cave cranking out Dirty Book Club pages. If I didn’t get a chance to see your face this weekend I’d love to see it this week while in hibernation. Tweet me, DM me on Instagram or PM me on Facebook a selfie with a message you want to share. I’ll personally respond to all. Can’t wait to see you!

TTYW,
Lisi

Face Time with YallWest

YALLWEST

 

I know I haven’t had much face time with you lately. In case you miss my mug Google “Lisi Harrison images,” then drain all color from my face and replace my ah-dorable outfit with something ill-fitting and typically worn when flu-like symptoms kick in. Yes, I’ve spent the winter hibernating in my writer’s cave working on my adult novel The Dirty Book Club and mama misses the wonderful world of YA. To prove it, I’ll be at Yallwest Saturday, April 11th. What’s Yallwest? Only the most ah-mazing YA book festival eva! Here’s a rundown of where you can find me.

On Saturday, April 11th at Santa Monica High School:

* I’ll be moderating the panel “Do Popular Things Automatically Suck?” with lovely YA authors Victoria Aveyard, Danielle Paige, Morgan Rhodes, and Maya Van Wagenen in the Gallery from 11:00am-12:00pm.

* Then, I will be signing books in the Science Quad from 12:00-1:00pm.

* I will be hustling my butt over to the Cafetorium from 1:00pm-2:00pm to be part of the panel for “That Time I Sucked,” which should not be missed.

Still not sold on coming out next weekend? Check out all the ah-mazing authors who will also be at YallWest April 11-12 here, and watch the video below for the rest of the event’s details. Can’t wait to see you there!

YALLWEST tickets

 

TTYW,

Lisi

Sign Language

Sign Language

Hi Lisi,

You always give the best advice. I’ve been friends with a guy for a long time but over the last two years we’ve gotten super close. He calls me his best friend now and I consider him mine too.  We hold hands a lot and cuddle regularly. Nothing has ever happened between us and I’m not sure if he wants it to, but we are pretty touchy feely together even in front of our friends. He has told me he wants a girlfriend so maybe I am his stand in until he finds who he really wants. Or is he telling me with actions he likes me more than a friend, but is just too scared to directly say it? I need your help! 

ox~ Katie

You are full of questions Katie, and understandably so. And yet the one question you didn’t ask was, “How do I feel about HIM?” So please, take anywhere from a minute to a month and figure it out. From the tone of this letter it sounds like you’re up for whatever he decides and that’s a scary position to be in. Get clarity on what you want.

Sign Language

Start by asking yourself the hard stuff:
Do I like him more than a friend?
Does the idea of kissing him make me squirmy in the good way or the bad way?

Sign Language

Am I mistaking jealousy towards his future girlfriend with real feelings?
Do we have what it takes to date or are we better off as friends?
Am I even attracted to him?

Sign Language

you’re*

 

So, what did you decide?

Like him only as a friend? Well, if he’s not making any awkward advances then you’re all good. Let him manage his own feelings.

But if you like him MORE than a friend then you best be getting to the bottom of this. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want. Then ask him to share his feelings and wants with you. If you’re truly best friends you should be able to talk this through and know that your relationship will survive. If it doesn’t, well, Easter is a time for new beginnings. So keep moving forward and know that this too shall Passover. (Sorry, I had to.)

Happy All-idays

TTYW,
Lisi