BOO YEAH!

Let’s get right to it: 1) Hurricane Sandy BLOWS! Pun intended? Sure, why not? I am thinking about all of you on the east coast who have been displaced from your homes, left without power and forced to cook food like my friend Cheryl. Look she’s making lunch for her kids. I am not kidding.

It’s so like her to still look good.

2) If you find yourself in Laguna Beach tonight and you happen upon this house,

dressed like a Monster High character, I will give you a SIGNED BOOK along with a serious amount of candy.

3) Look what I have gotten myself into. Help out of you can. If not sit back and watch me deteriorate over the next five weeks. http://www.stayclassy.org/fundraise?fcid=217856

TTYW, SB!! (see #1), HH (see#2).

Lisi

Group Shrug

A promise is a promise. And last Wednesday I promised to take Seventeen’s flirty text message ideas to the streets to find out how boys would react to them. And so I did. I am lucky enough to live in a neighborhood that is infested with skateboarders. They ride the streets with cameras strapped to their helmets so they can record their ongoing efforts to break the sound barrier. Since I give them rides to the top of the hill on my golf cart they were kind enough to answer my questions. And since they are under 18 I was legal enough not to post their faces.

   But trust me on this…Ahhhh-dorable.

1. Hey good lookin’ what’s cookin?

James, 15: I’d think her grandfather sent it.

2. U+me = 🙂

Nicholas, 16: I bet this girl giggles a lot.

3. We’ve got a situation! I can’t stop thinking about you…

Maverick, 15: Stalker!

4. (Blank text)

Nicholas & James: Pocket dial!

Me: Would you respond?

Nicholas: Depends if we were friends. If not I’d wonder why she had my number.

Maverick: Stalker!

Everyone: Ha!

5. Xoxo you know you love me!

Diego, 14: Conceited.

Me: What if you really do love her? Would you own it?

Diego: No.

Me: Why?

Diego: Cuz she sounds like the kind of girl who would tell everyone.

6.  Are you there…For the rest of my life?

Jackson, 13: Dude, I’m 13!

7. You were my “teenage dream” last night 😉

Nicholas: I’d probably think that’s cool.

Maverick: I’d want to kn0w what the dream was about.

Me: Would you ask?

Mav: (shrugs) I guess.

James: You should tell her one of your dreams.

Mav: (punches James) Shut up.

8. It’s 10:10! Time to make a wish.

Grant, 14: Don’t the numbers have to be the same for that to work?

9. Uh oh, I think my ❤ went missing…did you steal it?

James: Is that a picture of her bra?

(Laughter)

They were starting to get punchy.

10. I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin “me” 🙂

Diego: If I said I was having a bad day or something that would be okay.

The others agreed.

11. This movie would be so much better if you were watching it next to me.

(Group shrug). I took this to mean it was okay and might be okay to send.

12. I had a dream last night that you loved me. I woke up and looked at my texts. It wasn’t a dream.

Maverick: So, like, I already told her I loved her? In real life?

Me: Seems that way.

Maverick: Oh.

(He seemed confused.)

Another group of guys rolled up and they were starting to stray. They said they’d give me one more if I drove them to the top of the street.

13. I can’t spell stud without u 😉

This one got a universal thumbs up. I can’t tell of they really approved or were trying to ditch me.

Bottom line? If there’s any chance at all your heart can be mistaken for a bra don’t send the text. Flirting is fun when it’s done in person. That way you can see him blush.

TTYW,

Lisi

How to Rush the Crush: Advice for Jordan and millions of others.

I spend most Wednesdays dolling out advice no one asked me for. That’s what older people do when we’re not complaining about aches and pains. We can’t help it. We’ve already been through what you’re going through and it hurts us to watch you struggle. Yes, I know we’re supposed to stand back and let you learn from your mistakes. But if someone could have told me how NOT to get my heart broken or how NOT to embarrass myself in front of a crush I would have gladly listened. Of course I would have written them off as geriatrics who couldn’t possibly understand what I was dealing with. But maybe some of it would have seeped in.

Does it hurt grownups when you don’t take us seriously? When you mock our advice behind our backs and then listen to your friends instead? Gawd no! It gives us a chance to say, “I told you so” when you crash and burn. And we live for that.

But every now and then someone comes along and actually ASKS  for my opinion. When they do I get soooo excited I tend to go awn and awn and awn and awn and awn and awn. So I will do what I can to keep my words of wisdom brief. But wisdom-y nonetheless.

I received a comment from Jordan who asked this:

I’m starting to have a new crush on this guy who is in two of my classes. We didn’t have any classes together last year as freshmen so I never actually met him until this year. Anyway, I’m really starting to like him, but I don’t know how to start conversations. This is my first crush where the guy actually knows I exist-our teacher had assigned us to sit next to each other for a couple of weeks at the beginning of the school year so I was able to kind of talk to him. Now we don’t sit by each other and I don’t know how to find ways to speak with him. I started liking him after our teacher changed the seating arrangements so I hadn’t really conversed with him as much as I want to now. I would really like to get to know him and become friends, but I don’t know how. Help!?! Any advice would be appreciated greatly!!

“Help!?!”

“Appreciated?”

“Greatly?”

Jordan,  had me at “help.” I’m guessing you’re not a girl who plays the sexy cat card so I will advise you accordingly and assume you, like me, are of modest chest size (or at least you act like it), can be shy when you like someone and have no game when you’re trying to have game. That said:

1. E.H.S. : Eye-contact. Hold. Smile. Typically, boys are expected to make the first move and that can be seriously sweat inducing. So give him a sign that you are a nice, approachable, friendly girl and he will be more willing to take a chance. Do it while you’re taking your seat in class, when you see him in the halls or during lunch. Help him help you.

2. Do NAWT dress to impress. I have learned this the strange way over the years. When I try to look hot no one talks to me. I could be sitting alone at a drinking establishment (sodas and root beer floats) and not a single guy will make a move. But get this:

– Met my high school boyfriend when I was late for class. I was sweaty from running. My bangs were split down the middle and spackled to my forehead. I needed said bangs because they covered my forehead zits. But they were like open curtains. He was standing outside skipping class. Alone. We got to chatting and fell madly in love. I looked disgusting. He was way too cute to approach under normal circumstances.

– Met a guy while working at the MTV Beach House. I was wearing a orthopedic boot because I fractured my leg rollerblading (early ’90s) and was using a golf club for balance.  I was covered in marker because I had been writing V.J. cue cards. I was surrounded by HAWT girls in bikinis who were hired as extras to be in the scene. I stood out for all the wrong reasons. I was a total dork. And he was seriously hawt, smart and in a band. He said it was the boot and club that caught his attention. Any girl who could rock that look had to be cool. He was right.

-Met Kevy my life-crush another summer at a different MTV Beach House. Exactly two hours before we met I told my friend how happy I was being single. That was 16 years ago. I’m still with Kevy.

See for yourself. Which Lisi would you talk to?

                                                          

Fancy Lisi alone in the breeze.                        vs                        Fun Lisi without a breeze.

My point is, we tend to make the best connections when we are not trying. We’re not thinking about it or trying to look sexy. We’re relaxed and carefree. I know it’s different for you Jordan because you already know this guy. So what I’m really saying is don’t start questioning your style or look. If you’re trying he’s not buying. Be natural and comfortable; whatever that means for you.

3. Charm him. Wait for him after class and say, “Row 3 is kinda boring without you. How’s row 5 been? Any action?”  If this leads to fun banter you could end with, “Maybe we should have a Row 3 reunion. We could go to_____.”

Whatever you do Jordan keep it real. By that I mean real-life. No texts or posts or pics. That stuff gets passed around and misinterpreted and keeps things from being genuine. I am usually a fan of Seventeen Magazine but this particular bit of advice made me pull my highlighted hair out. http://www.seventeen.com/love/advice/flirty-text-message-ideas?click=pp#slide-1

Do not do any of these things. In fact, I am going to ask my guy friends how they would interpret these sleazy texts and I’ll post those answers for you next week. Until then break hearts my beauties!!!

TTYW,

Lisi

Yay! First Post!

More specifically: first post on the Office Elf blog!

You can find it at http://OfficeElf.wordpress.com, or just click on the highlighted link above.

See you all over there soon. :]

xxxoo

Alisha, Office Elf

Lisi will be back next Wednesday, don’t fret.

Faking Amazing.

A show of hands  if you feel confident today.

I didn’t see any so I assume your self-esteem is close to mine–somewhere between the sole of my wedge and the depths of hell. October will do that to a girl. Tans are fading, homework is piling up, and our exciting new back-to-school outfits are sooo last month.

I mean look at this hair!!!

It would appear as though all hope is lost. Or at the very least, my brush. But I seriously hate being unhappy. Okay fine, I like it for a few minutes because unhappy can be kind of funny.  But after I milk some laughs from my pathetic situation I prefer to feel good. So here are five things I do to get my confidence back.

1. Channel Surf: Sheridan Spencer is one of the main characters in my new series The Phoenix Five. She is a 14 year-old actress who struggles with self-confidence. So she channels celebrities like Blake Lively, Anna Kournikova, and Massie Block.

She what?

She adopts the qualities of a famous actress or character. But wait! If you are Miley fan I am nawt suggesting you butcher your hair. Because you may want to be Rapunzel the next day. It’s more of a persona thing. Pinpoint the qualities you admire in a role model and borrow them for the day. Those who can’t be, act. Those who can’t act move on to tip #2.

2. Look Away: Get ready for school, work, date, soccer…whatever. Put the final touches on your hair, makeup, clothes, pose… and DO NOT look in a mirror, reflective window, spoon…for the rest of the day. Go out with the image of you looking fabulous in your head and don’t look back. It really works. I swear. Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection and get upset because I thought I looked better than I actually do. But had I resisted the urge to peek I would have spent the day thinking I look fabulous. And we all know what happens when we exude confidence don’t we? That’s right, we look great. Then people compliment us and we feel great which makes us look better which gets us more compliments which…move on to #3…

3. Keep a compliment journal: I know, this sounds totally shallow and pathetic but my sister Carly turned me on to the idea and she is neither. She teaches courses on the power of thinking positively and journals are a big part of it. Jot down every time someone gives you a compliment, not just on your looks, but on anything (Grades, kindness, soccer skills, nail polish…) you can refer back to it every time you’re feeling down. Seeing all of those positive comments will make you feel good and we all know what happens when you feel good (see #2).

4. Wear a bright color. Something you don’t normally wear. Bright colors project confidence and they make people happy. If your bright colors make people happy they will:

a) Want to be around you which will make you feel good.

b) Compliment you which will give you something to put in your journal, which will  make you feel good.

c) All of the above.

Answer: C (for confident).

5.  When all else fails: Download: I Feel Pretty/Unpretty by the cast of Glee. Blast the volume. Repeat as needed. It has a better cure rate than the flu shot.

Now go break hearts!!!!

TTYW,

Lisi