Fake It to the Limit

Thanks to all of you who joined me in the lounge yesterday. It was a blast!!! I’m sorry about the technical difficulties, but you can watch the webcast here.

We’ve all heard the phrase, fake it ’til you make it. But these master pretenders started after they made it. Or maybe fame gave them the means to become the people they were truly meant to be. It’s impossible to know. If only we had their journals…

5. Snooki from MTV’s Jersey ShoreSnooki before vs afterFrom naughty to hottie.

4. Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus before vs afterFrom ah-dore to hard core.

3. Justin Timberlake

JT before vs afterFrom rapper to dapper.

2. Heidi Montag of MTV’s Laguna Beach

Heidi Montag before vs afterFrom girl-next-door to door-knockers.

1. Lady Gaga, queen of pretending

Lady Gaga before vs afterFrom prim to grim to him.

* * *

I’m off to L.A. to talk the talk. Gonna try and make Pretenders into a TV show, baby! Wish me luck!!!

And if you didn’t hear the news yesterday,  pre-order your copy of PRETENDERS now to find out which Noble High freshmen are faking amazing and why. The first 25 people to post a screen shot of their receipt on my Facebook page will win a sneak peek of book #2, License To Spill. Want me to sign your copy? Choose the VIP option at the link!

Pre-Order PRETENDERS here

TTYW,

Lisi

It’s Time We Had “The Talk”

Hey, do you have a second? …It’s nothing major, just that, you know, we’ve been hanging out for like, 10 years now and… while I think this weekly Blah-g thing is great, it’s starting to feel a little, I dunno, been-there-done-that… No, I’m not trying to end things. Actually, it’s the opposite. I was hoping we could have a real chat, like where I see your face and you see mine. Eyes blinking, mouths moving. Just us being us in real eastern / pacific standard time.

What do you say? Can we at least try it once and see how it goes?

Lisi Pretenders

Shhhhhh. Don’t speak. I’ll leave you with the details and you can think about it. But don’t think too long or someone else may come along and steal your spot. No pressure. Just saying…

If you’re feeling it–feeling us–click on this link: Little, Brown Live at the Lounge
on Tuesday, September 24th at 7pm EST / 4pm PST. I’ll be the one wearing the S.W.A.P. (Sealed With A Promise) bracelets and the shy smile. I’ll show you the colors and designs we chose and tell you how to get one for yourself. Of course we’ll chat about   PRETENDERS, boys, school, friends, fashion, my past series, my future series, our plans for the future.

Nervous? Don’t be. Megan McCafferty, author of Jessica Darling’s It List will be there too.

You will be able to submit questions for us to answer and you’ll also have the opportunity to ask us questions live, on video.

RSVP ASAP to guarantee a spot. I’m serious, hurry! (Too forward?) R.S.V.P.

Not only will we be giving away copies of PRETENDERS and JESSICA DARLING’S IT LIST, but you’ll have a chance to win a boxed set of the Monster High and Jessica Darling series and a new S.W.A.P. bracelet. We might even read from our old journals to prove how serious we are about taking this relationship to the next level. We’re talking real heart-on-the-sleeve stuff here.

All I’m asking is that you think about it. And that you decide to go for it. And that you RSVP right away. And that you ask us questions. And give us compliments. But only if you’re ready. Which you should be. Because I am. And we promised never to grow apart.

Think about it.

TTYTuesday (if you want.)

Lisi

(Please say yes.)

Humble-Blah-gging

Humble Bragging = Bragging about yourself while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example: I wrote the first two Clique books while working at MTV but when Best Friends for Never debuted at #7 on the New York Times Bestseller list I was forced to quit and write full time. Suddenly life became very lonely. It was awful.

Humble Blah-gging = Blah-gging about your new series while couching it in a phony show of humility.

Example:

pens

Wow! I am seriously spacey. I didn’t even realize I was holding the pens that promote my highly anticipated new series, Pretenders. Someone had to point it out to me. I must be losing my mind. Medic!

You know me. It’s not in my nature to brag, humbly or otherwise. So imagine how uncomfy I felt when Erin, my editor insisted that I post a list of reasons why you’ll love Pretenders. I was like, Erin that is so obnoxious and self-aggrandizing. I honestly don’t have it in me.

Erin: Oh, come on, Lisi. Write about your genius plotting. The way you strung five stories together with such grace. It was as if those journal entries were woven together by the magical hands of Gawd, herself. And the character’s voices. I am convinced they’re real.

Me: I dunno. Sounds kind of braggy.

Erin: Fine. Then how about how hilarious it is? I mean I literally laughed out loud on the subway. No word of a lie, I needed CPR. I didn’t even care. My dying wish was that I could stay alive long enough to see how it ended. Thankfully, I did. I mean Jagger’s final entry? Total shocker!

Me: Meh.

Erin: What about how girls will finally understand how the male mind works, especially when it comes to matters of the heart? I mean seriously, Lisi, I’m calling you The Hammer, because you nailed it. I’ve always wondered what guys think and now I know. At the very least readers will realize that boys have feelings too. That’s important. Really.

Me: I know, but do I have to say that? Can’t readers come to that conclusion on their own? It feels more genuine.

Erin: Why show when you can tell? Unless we’re talking about your author photo. That should definitely be shown. It’s a perfect mix of sassy and serious. And that yellow shirt really pops.

Me: I’m not writing about my photo.

Erin: Gawd, you’re humble. Hmmmm. Oh, I love how you prove that there’s more than one side to every story. I’m always trying to figure out what guys are thinking. My friends and I analyze crush-conversations and texts for hours. Pretenders proves that there’s always more going on than we think. It also shines a light on the enormous amount of pressure teens face these days. How the bar has been raised too high. Looks, grades, Facebook “likes,” trophies. . . We are in a constant state of competition, with others and ourselves. It seems as though the only way to win is to pretend you’re better than you really are. It’s tragic. That really resonated with me.

Me: Thanks. But I think I’m going to let the book speak for itself.

Erin: Could you at least mention your Instagram account?

Me: You mean the one that focuses on confessions? Sure. It’s Lisi4realHarrison. I had to add the 4real because some Pretender swiped my name. Hey, “LisiHarrison,” if you are reading this please make yourself known by posting your picture and writing, I am a pretender because I am using Lisi Harrison’s name on Instagram. #wearepretenders. It’s the least you could do.

Even if you didn’t swipe my name, please let me know how you are a pretender. Do you spray tan? Fake sick? Cheat on tests? Say, “I love you” when you don’t? Hair extensions? Claim to run a six minute mile? Send yourself flowers? Fake being vegan? Don’t forget the hash tag #wearepretenders. I am creating a Pretenders interconnectivity web across social media and I want you to be part of it. I already posted one of the many ways I am a pretender. Go on, take a look. I’m about to post another one because I just plagiarized “interconnectivity web across social media” from Alisha the office elf. Thanks Alisha! Now will you please tell me what that means?

TTYW

Lisi (or am I?)

#WeArePretenders

I, Lisi Harrison, am a Pretender. I have ventured beyond my limitations in a playful way. I have spray tanned, batted false eyelashes, dyed my hair, worn a water bra, and jammed my gut into SPANX! I’ve performed live concerts for invisible crowds and faked my period to get out of swim class. I’ve said it’s not him, it’s me when it was him and I’ve used a fake I.D. to vote. I’ve even claimed to use a fake I.D. to vote when it was really to rent a vehicle. I mean a bike. I mean… fine, I tried alcohol before I was 21. Kidding. It was to vote.

Aside from making up characters, dialogue and stories for a living, my most elaborate game of pretend is my Morning Staff Meeting. It takes place in my office approximately five minutes after I arrive. I set down my latte, light a vanilla scented candle, and ask my assistant Oscar (yes, a pretend one)

Oscar

to assemble the department heads. He buzzes me on the intercom when they have gathered. Allow me to introduce them….

staff Starting on the left: Paula is in charge of the Psychology Department. Things like mood, motivation, and mindset. I tell her where I’m at and she gives me permission to own my feelings. Sheena handles fitness and health. She forces me to get up and stretch every hour also reminds me when it’s time to break for lunch and when I’m chewing my gum too aggressively. Zee is all fashion. Not just mine but for my characters too. She helps me dress them and sometimes lets me take a break to shop online. I bought her a t-shirt that says, Add To Cart for her birthday last week. She loved it even though it was turquoise which was so last year’s color. Finally there’s W.D., Head of Writing. He advises me to stop talking to magazine covers and get to work. Even when I’m not feeling creative he makes me write. We have a love-hate thing.  The ceramic dog is Chiquita. Her job is to purr like a kitten and lay glitter eggs, obviously. Fake as it all may seem, this meeting grounds me in the moment and gets me ready for the day ahead. It also keeps me  amused and puts me in the mindset for creativity. So go on, talk about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.  Identity thieves aside, pretending is harmless. If the Army lets you be all you can be, pretending lets you be all that you can’t. Unless your name is Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, those are many things. So go on, say it. My name is ________ and I am a Pretender. LOUDER!

My name is ________ and I am a Pretender!!!

Feels good, doesn’t it?

PLEASE tell me how you pretend and don’t forget to tag your post on social media (Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter) #WeArePretenders and help me show the rest of the world that #TheyAreInDenial.

 

TTYW,

Lisi

 

Pretend is to lie as kitten is to lion. One is cute, the other callous.” 

-Lisi Harrison #Author #SelfQuoter

New Year’s Leave

It’s the Jewish New Year and I am late for dinner. Oy! Not a very good start if you ask me. I have a half-written blah-g saved as a draft, which I will finish the minute I get into the office tomorrow. I promise. It’s full of confessions and one big embarrassing secret about me. And no, the secret isn’t that I dropped the blah-g ball today. That’s not a secret. You already know that.

Shoot. Gotta run.

Shalom out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Lisi

Happy New Year